Whats this called?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sulphur, LA
Posts: 25
Whats this called?
I just printed a list of available meetings for al-anon and plan on going but all of a sudden feel incredible anxiety that I won't be going "straight home" from work and the time it will take away from my addicted SO. I recognize this as a real problem, I just not sure if its called codependence or enabling.. because he gets anxious every minute i'm away from him. And I get anxious because he is anxious. This is SICK. How embarrassing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Sulphur, LA
Posts: 25
BUT good news. he just texted me and said he is going to a NA meeting tonight at eight. I'm starting to realize how serious my own weird problems are. He went to church last night. One step at a time.
Recovered
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 1,129
The 4 M's of codependency:
Mothering
Managing
Manipulation
Martyrdom
When one is trying to look at and change these behaviors, anxiety, sometimes severe, can occur. I have family members who describe crippling feelings related to "being away" from home at a meeting when their SO is at home.
Mothering
Managing
Manipulation
Martyrdom
When one is trying to look at and change these behaviors, anxiety, sometimes severe, can occur. I have family members who describe crippling feelings related to "being away" from home at a meeting when their SO is at home.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I usto freak out b/c I was scared to even go to meetings b/c I was scared my XAH would be a drunken mess when I would get home, or even just have used (he mixes booze and Rx drugs).
However, I had to let all of that go. I had to work on me! It's worth all the effort, I promise!
You should look into Celebrate Recovery, you guys could go to the large group portion together then it is split into small groups according to your gender and issue.
However, I had to let all of that go. I had to work on me! It's worth all the effort, I promise!
You should look into Celebrate Recovery, you guys could go to the large group portion together then it is split into small groups according to your gender and issue.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hello Yumbby,
My RAD has been gone, married for about 20days now. This codependency the worry, that constant worry is crippling. I try to not get baited when she texts and starts talking that old way...too many bills, no food, no friends no job and the complaining about traveling to another state to get her Subutex. I panic, worry and the anxiety is overwhelming.
She feels entitled. It just keeps going on...
I need to stop trying to figure this out, to stop blaming, hovering and fixing my daughter. To stop the what iffing that I do. I need to step back or aside and let her fall or fly. (anvill I hope your reading this and seeing some progress?)
I have to STOP and take care of me, worry about me and have some joy back in my life.
Find a way to distract myself, find something's to do that makes me happy and at ease with myself.
I found that meetings were very helpful mainly because my group, everyone of the moms are at different stages of accepting that their kids are addicted to something. Some moms cry some are quite forward or in denial and some are content where their SOs/kids recovery.
Yes it is worth the hard work to find your joy and peace and leave that anxiety at the door. I work on ME every day, every hour...
I hope you find that joy and lose that stress. This disease will try to take it all, if it gets a chance. Don't give it that chance.
Take care
TF
My RAD has been gone, married for about 20days now. This codependency the worry, that constant worry is crippling. I try to not get baited when she texts and starts talking that old way...too many bills, no food, no friends no job and the complaining about traveling to another state to get her Subutex. I panic, worry and the anxiety is overwhelming.
She feels entitled. It just keeps going on...
I need to stop trying to figure this out, to stop blaming, hovering and fixing my daughter. To stop the what iffing that I do. I need to step back or aside and let her fall or fly. (anvill I hope your reading this and seeing some progress?)
I have to STOP and take care of me, worry about me and have some joy back in my life.
Find a way to distract myself, find something's to do that makes me happy and at ease with myself.
I found that meetings were very helpful mainly because my group, everyone of the moms are at different stages of accepting that their kids are addicted to something. Some moms cry some are quite forward or in denial and some are content where their SOs/kids recovery.
Yes it is worth the hard work to find your joy and peace and leave that anxiety at the door. I work on ME every day, every hour...
I hope you find that joy and lose that stress. This disease will try to take it all, if it gets a chance. Don't give it that chance.
Take care
TF
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