milesfromhome

My son has been in and out of rehab. Has his good periods but always goes back to using.
He got into a good rehab, great program, had three days left to go(telling me he was really into to doing it this time), had an interview for a sober living facility, and walks out, not once, but twice!!
I feel like he sabotages everything!!
Anyone else feel like it is more of a self destructive drive than a pure need for drugs??

chicory

Hi milesfromhome.

Your son sounds like he is not ready to give up the drugs yet. Sometimes you wonder if they have a death wish, but I think the drugs are the pull, really. And that does sabotage every good thing, usually, until they are ready, at rock bottom. Nothing you can do will change him, except to not enable, and to take care of yourself.

Are you in nar-anon or al-anon? I am sorry. You sound good and tired of this back and forth that your son is doing.

have you read the stickies at the top of the f&f of sa threads?

I hope your son gets it right soon.

milesfromhome

Thanks, we had a rough day today, that is me and his siblings, when he walked out of rehab twice, and was told not to come back.
It is hard to let a child of any age walk the streets without anywhere to go and no money. I am really convinced that at this time, he has no desire to use, I just feel like he saw the light at the end of the tunnel and shied away, does that make sense?

chicory

oh, boy, I can imagine it was a hard day for all of you.

It seems like he had the choice of being safe, off the streets, in rehab. He chose to be on the street, with no where to go. I would not be totally sure that he isn't using , but you know him, and I don't.
Was he unhappy in rehab? Does he hang out with his friends?

I am sorry for your pain. He has choices, and you cannot make him choose sensibly, obviously.

You have other children and its just not fair that your sons choices have to make their lives miserable, too. big hugs.
others will be along to give you their thoughts and support too.

zoso77

He's not ready to quit. Pure and simple.

What are you doing to take care of you?

milesfromhome

Hmmm? what any I doing to take care of me?? Not much. I did leave the situation but a cell phone call, and I am right back in the middle. I really have to straighten out my own life, I have a BF that doesn't make enough money to survive, so he lives with me, that has to end. But there again, I can't just throw him out, can I? UGH.

zoso77

Well, you can change that. If you want to. If you've got a son that's bouncing in and out of rehab, there comes a point where you have to recognize that's his problem. Not yours.

There are a lot of other moms who've been where are you. Seek them out, and pay very close attention to what they say. If you let it, that ES&H will save your sanity.

Have a good rest of the night.

BlueChair

Yes, I think there are a lot of psychological issues go along with drug use.

Amysad

I know all about this - my AD been in 6 or 7 times to rehabs and I am sure still using...........you have got to take care of you - which means distance with love the AS and BF who struggles to help pay the bills. Prayers with you - it's your time to take care of yourself milesfromhome. It's not easy - but absolutely necessary.

incitingsilence

It is something you won't understand and nothing anyone can assign it as, expect the user. He will have to be the one to figure out his why's.

More importantly don't use your son as a distraction to not figure out your own.

hopeful4

I think we all try to figure out the "why" behind using when sometimes they just want to walk away and use, so they do. They feel sad or depressed or just crave that high. The pain of the consequences is not yet big enough to offset the need they have to use. It's a tragic thing to see and experience.

Huge hugs to you and your family.

qwer1234

I think it's natural for us to want to understand and assign a reason for why they use. I've often thought self esteem was at the root of my son's heroin addiction. Which came first the self esteem issues or the drug use?

For me it's important to focus on my inability to do anything to get him to stop....or to build up his self esteeem. Those are steps he must take on his own.

qwer

milesfromhome

UPDATE
Seems as though he was not ready to give up drugs. I got a call that he is in the hospital, he is fine, just high on angel dust. Lovely!!

He is now officially homeless, oh well, what did he think was going to happen??

zoso77

I'm really sorry to learn about this.

He didn't think, which is part of the condition. He probably believes consequences are for other people, not him.

milesfromhome

Thanks for all the kind words. He may be going back to rehab tomorrow, that was the last I heard, hopefully someone will call me tomorrow!!