The second shoe has dropped

Old 09-14-2014, 10:34 AM
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The second shoe has dropped

A couple of nights ago my bf's H AD (18 years old)
Was arrested for robbery and assault along with her bf.
Fortunately no one is bailing her out, and the detective in charge is going to push for rehab not time. My bf is stressed but handling this beautifully.
He is so appreciative of my support as I am of yours.
I do believe he's close to checking out this site as he's impressed with the knowledge I've gained.
Also-there was discussion about a rehab for young women which sounded great,
Can search threads but if anyone thinks they know what I'm referring to I'd love a link.
Thanks!
Lurking and reading has helped me through the scary quiet time.
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Old 12-13-2014, 01:01 PM
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Hi the site seems funny on my phone (please pardon typos) can't start a thread so adding on here.
My bf and i are well. His dd's doc Is h. She was let out of jail a while back and is with a relative-court ordered with a curfew. The relative is a recovering ha and has tighter boundaries than the court. So bf's had is clean but not in recovery at all. She had 1 week court ordered rehab. Last time my bf saw her he felt her nonaddict personality is beginning to emerge
My question is thoughts on the possibility of white knuckling it in a very controlled environment is safeq in the longrun is she at serious risk of relapse and an od? She od'd often last year from her own account
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Old 12-14-2014, 06:20 AM
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Carguysgirl, your post just brought me back 4.5 years. My H addicted son, 18 at the time (now 23) committed a robbery on a convenience store with a broken bb gun. In our state, it may as well have been a functioning real gun by law, so the court doesn't differentiate. He is now a convicted felon, and classified as a violent felon at that.

At the time I was petrified at the thought of the years of jail he was facing. The judge found mercy and he received a 3-7 year sentence...all suspended but 90 days and was placed on probation until further order of the court which could mean indefinitely (it is not related in any way to his 7 year max).

Fast forward to today...he has been to rehab more times than I can count on violations due to dirty UAs which resulted in VOPs. He now has a 22 month old beautiful baby girl and even this has not turned his life around. I am not trying to freak you out...but am speaking from my own personal experience here.

In hindsight.. I wish he hadn't received such a slap on the wrist. While I love my precious grandbaby with all of my heart.. I often wish he had just gone to jail for at least the 3 year minimum BEFORE she even existed or was a thought. Now I worry about her constantly and she is living a life that she never deserved to be brought into.

If I could turn back time..I would wish he had gone to jail for a few years in the hopes it would have straightened him out before he became a father.maybe we wouldn't be where we are today. I know its only a matter of time before he IS in jail except now there is a sweet baby girl who is going to be left behind with no dad and an addict mom who is also extremely codependant due in part to losing both her mom and dad due to alcohol and drug abuse in her preteen years.

Again.. I don't mean to scare you..but wish you to know where my hindsight has taken me. No parent wants there child to go to jail but I am here to tell you there are much worse things that can happen when there are few consequences. God bless you and your BF as you go through this difficult time!
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Old 12-14-2014, 08:17 AM
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Whitewingdove-thank you for sharing your experience. When my bf's ad was put in jail and neither parent would bail her out i felt such hope! She called this other relative who agreed to take her. The detective in charge of her case pushed for her to get this slap on the wrist. He's told my bf he thinks she's just a good kid who got in with the wrong crowd. This was true years ago-but she's been a hard core ha and involved in serious criminal activity for at least 2 years.
I asked my bf why he didn't clue the detective into the truth and depth of her problem and he told me that the detective has known her for years since she got in trouble with her first bf . I feel like every one is letting her down by not holding her accountable to behave like a positive part of society.
I don't discuss my fears with my bf any more-come what may i will support him by not discussing the situation which is what he needs to get through his days.-
Again thank you-while you are confirming what I know and fear I sometimes need to discuss this with folks who are not in denial of the severity of the situation our addicts and codies are in.
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