The Blame Game
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 261
The Blame Game
I am being blamed for my husband's drug use and his disappearing acts. My husband just told me last night that I am not fulfilling his sexual needs and as a result, he has not wanted to be around the house. He is, essentially, blaming me for his drug use as well.
I didn't get offended when he said any of this to me. I just sad I was sorry he felt this way and walked into the other room. I didn't know I could fulfill the needs of someone who is either absent, nodding off, or completely paranoid and delusional from drug use.
He left this morning and said he was never coming back. He had been gone all week after leaving with our rent money on Monday never to return home. I guess he's been couch surfing all week and embarrassed to return since he ran off with the money that was supposed to pay the bills. He finally arrived in our home at 3 AM on yesterday for food, sleep, and a shower - and apparently sex. Here I am using my newly found word "no" and he blames me for it all.
Just an observation. I'm just sharing the non-sense. WOW. Just WOW.
I didn't get offended when he said any of this to me. I just sad I was sorry he felt this way and walked into the other room. I didn't know I could fulfill the needs of someone who is either absent, nodding off, or completely paranoid and delusional from drug use.
He left this morning and said he was never coming back. He had been gone all week after leaving with our rent money on Monday never to return home. I guess he's been couch surfing all week and embarrassed to return since he ran off with the money that was supposed to pay the bills. He finally arrived in our home at 3 AM on yesterday for food, sleep, and a shower - and apparently sex. Here I am using my newly found word "no" and he blames me for it all.
Just an observation. I'm just sharing the non-sense. WOW. Just WOW.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
This is the funniest post I've read in some time. When someone is that not self aware, anything they do or say borders on satire. And the only thing I can picture when he said he's leaving and not coming back is a 5 year old having a temper tantrum.
Except the 5 year old has an excuse; he's 5.
Except the 5 year old has an excuse; he's 5.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
I hear you, Yogagurl. The grandiosity and departure from reality are just astounding. Out of the blue, I just got an email from my XAH who I left and divorced over two years ago.
He said we need to have a serious talk. He has realized that because I was abused as a child by my father, that I projected all that my father did onto him and he did nothing whatsoever wrong. He forgives me for that because I couldn't help it. But he requires that I tell my children - his stepchildren - this truth since I have poisoned them against him.
Nope. He did it all. All by himself. The alcoholism, the suicide threats, the emotional abuse, the porn addictions, the cruelty. My children hate him for what he did to them, and what he did to me.
Sometimes I think that the faint hum of the truth that reverberates deep in their souls is so terribly humiliating and despairing to them that they have no choice but to deny it.
I am so sad to see such a brilliant man descend into this. And so glad I am free.
You too, soon, not soon enough. Stay your course, you'll be glad.
ShootingStar1
He said we need to have a serious talk. He has realized that because I was abused as a child by my father, that I projected all that my father did onto him and he did nothing whatsoever wrong. He forgives me for that because I couldn't help it. But he requires that I tell my children - his stepchildren - this truth since I have poisoned them against him.
Nope. He did it all. All by himself. The alcoholism, the suicide threats, the emotional abuse, the porn addictions, the cruelty. My children hate him for what he did to them, and what he did to me.
Sometimes I think that the faint hum of the truth that reverberates deep in their souls is so terribly humiliating and despairing to them that they have no choice but to deny it.
I am so sad to see such a brilliant man descend into this. And so glad I am free.
You too, soon, not soon enough. Stay your course, you'll be glad.
ShootingStar1
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Yogagurl,
I wish the blame game was funny...but it's not and it hurts.
Why is it that the sober one is always to blame, to made to feel guilty for others actions and to suffer consequences for something I had no control over.
I'm referring to when I had to call the police on my adult children for stealing, forging checks and beating the crap out of me and my husband. I no longer could handle a situation that was boiling over, a physical fight between one AD and her father, it was so scary I didn't know what to do. It felt like slow motion, the hitting, biting, screaming. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and all I heard was my husband pleading to me to call the police...and I did.
The girls were arrested and taken away. And then it was silent. I cried and mourned the fate of my precious drug crazed daughters. What did I do? Why? I was so frightened, the rage I saw in their eyes...
I did the right thing, I know in my heart, I did... But now, including my husband, I am blamed for all there legal issues." Why in the hell would a mother call the police on her children?" I here that frequently now. I did it cause i was afraid for my life, so now, I feel like the villain and they feel like the victim. This has torn a hole so large in our family that I just know can't be repaired any time soon.
I'm alone most days. The blame I see in their eyes has crushed me. I don't feel normal. I question some days why I did it.
But you know, if I hadn't, someone was gonna get hurt, badly. The drug craze in my girls eyes, warned me that something was gonna go down and it wasn't gonna be pretty.
This happened a year ago, then a no contact order for another two months.
Addiction feels like cancer to a momma. It has eaten away at my soul, my heart, my happiness.
Some days I cry, some days I shake my head and wonder why? Why did addiction pick my family? Why did it take away so much and leave just crumbs?
I'm sorry I'm ranting. I miss the old days when we smiled and trusted each other. I miss the kindness in our voices. I miss the peace.
Yes I take care of myself, but it's lonely, I don't feel whole. I need a friend who doesn't blame me.
TF
I wish the blame game was funny...but it's not and it hurts.
Why is it that the sober one is always to blame, to made to feel guilty for others actions and to suffer consequences for something I had no control over.
I'm referring to when I had to call the police on my adult children for stealing, forging checks and beating the crap out of me and my husband. I no longer could handle a situation that was boiling over, a physical fight between one AD and her father, it was so scary I didn't know what to do. It felt like slow motion, the hitting, biting, screaming. I wanted to wake up from this nightmare and all I heard was my husband pleading to me to call the police...and I did.
The girls were arrested and taken away. And then it was silent. I cried and mourned the fate of my precious drug crazed daughters. What did I do? Why? I was so frightened, the rage I saw in their eyes...
I did the right thing, I know in my heart, I did... But now, including my husband, I am blamed for all there legal issues." Why in the hell would a mother call the police on her children?" I here that frequently now. I did it cause i was afraid for my life, so now, I feel like the villain and they feel like the victim. This has torn a hole so large in our family that I just know can't be repaired any time soon.
I'm alone most days. The blame I see in their eyes has crushed me. I don't feel normal. I question some days why I did it.
But you know, if I hadn't, someone was gonna get hurt, badly. The drug craze in my girls eyes, warned me that something was gonna go down and it wasn't gonna be pretty.
This happened a year ago, then a no contact order for another two months.
Addiction feels like cancer to a momma. It has eaten away at my soul, my heart, my happiness.
Some days I cry, some days I shake my head and wonder why? Why did addiction pick my family? Why did it take away so much and leave just crumbs?
I'm sorry I'm ranting. I miss the old days when we smiled and trusted each other. I miss the kindness in our voices. I miss the peace.
Yes I take care of myself, but it's lonely, I don't feel whole. I need a friend who doesn't blame me.
TF
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Yogagurl;
aren't you moving out in the next few days? Now he stiffed the landlord for the month of rent and you will have to pay that off too. If it is possible get out as soon as you can.
You were worried about "not telling him you were moving"....this really cements the thought, he has shown you what he is over and over. Get out of this mess now.
fwiw, 2fish, I would have done the same thing and turned my back, no one disrespects me in my own home and I have a 33 year old daughter...when she is rude to me, I just ignore her and don't communicate. I'm not a doormat.
aren't you moving out in the next few days? Now he stiffed the landlord for the month of rent and you will have to pay that off too. If it is possible get out as soon as you can.
You were worried about "not telling him you were moving"....this really cements the thought, he has shown you what he is over and over. Get out of this mess now.
fwiw, 2fish, I would have done the same thing and turned my back, no one disrespects me in my own home and I have a 33 year old daughter...when she is rude to me, I just ignore her and don't communicate. I'm not a doormat.
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