njw1968

I keep having horrible thoughts about the "ifs" that could happen to my son. I want to think positive thoughts. It's a constant struggle in my head with the devil telling me horrible things and God telling me to trust Him. Almost makes me feel like vomiting at times. Does anyone else constantly struggle with this? Any help?

Ann

NJW, I felt that way until it almost drove me crazy. Really, it was a very dark and hard time for me.

It helped me to stay busy and distract myself from obsessing about it. More than that it helped me to pray often, each time the worry would creep in, and ask God to take over and do for my son what I could not.

Prayer, faith and courage finally saw me past the darkness.

Hope you can find your way out too.

Hugs from this mama's heart to yours.

chicory

njw, I am sorry you are having a rough and scary time. We are always here, you can post and we can help you over the rough spots, perhaps.

Have you tried staying in the moment? It helps me when I begin to think of things that have not happened yet, and may not even occur. I try to focus on now, whats going on around me, and try to build my faith in that I will be able to deal with the next minute when it comes.

are you in al-anon or nar-anon? counseling ? you sound like you could use some support, in form of meetings or counseling.

what's going on, you wanna talk about it?

njw1968

Yes I'm going to Naranon meetings weekly. It's a big help. Just feel so alone in this sometimes. People just don't get it. Trying to stay positive. My son comes home Monday. He says he wants to change. I keep hoping this time is it. Thank you.

chicory

Can you maybe get a few others involved a bit... just maybe someone to call, someone to do something fun with, time for you? its great that you get to meetings.
I can imagine your anxiety. when mine is really high, I focus on the Serenity Prayer.
Its up to him too, mama. let go where you can.
we will be here. keep posting
I hope he does well too. Remember, people do recover!

njw1968

I pray my son is one who recovers. I talk to my dad who doesn't get it. Talk to my boyfriend who tries to help. I got on his FB page and he said it was heroine he did He told us it was Percocet Don't know who he is lying to. Does he want to say it was heroine because that's everyone in rehab? I just don't know.

pommie

I know how you feel. Some days I make myself so depressed thinking of things that could happen in the future. I always think of the worst happening because with my AS the worst did happen so often.

There were some really good suggestions here like keeping in the moment, trusting God and trying to have faith and also getting out adnd getting your mind off things for a while.

You are not alone...some days are just worse than others.

njw1968

Thank you Sounds like we have a lot in common. I feel so negative and morbid but I can't shake the feelings of total despair. I worry so much about what would happen to my positive and loving daughter if something happened to her brother. I'm so fearful that I would just curl up and die and she would lose her mother also. Trying to live in the moment is what I'm going to try. Reading a lot and SR and meetings. ((Hugs))

Ilovemysonjj

Deep breaths and inner voice from God is what keeps me sane. I know it is entirely out of my control. I also know that my son knows I love him. I find that the detachment is essential for me. Even when/if my son continues on his path of sobriety, I need to keep this healthy detachment. I am an addict: I am addicted to my sons addiction. I understand this and that is what keeps me grounded. He has lost two friends to overdose in the last 4 weeks and if I let that fear paralyze me, it will. I HAVE to allow him to live his life. I HAVE to accept that it is not all about ME. Once I do these things, it really helps
Hugs
TT

njw1968

Thank you for those amazing words. I am working on the healthy detachment. I am also addicted to my sons addiction. I have never felt so out of control in my life. I have to let him live his life and I am so afraid he needs my help too much. Damn it is so hard to be a parent!

KariSue

My husband and I scheduled an appointment with a counselor for US to deal with this. You really should consider it for your own peace of mind.

You say he needs your help. Well the counselor put a question to us. He said "Has anything you have ever done for him helped him beat this?" I thought back on all the years we have been dealing with this and my honest answer was No. There is NOTHING you can do to help. I promise. It is hard to accept.

We helped him get jobs, get treatment, let him live with us, gave his children a Christmas when he was too strung out, let him use our cars (which he dented), bailed him out of jail more than once, and on and on and on and on. Not one thing helped. It only prolonged suffering for US. The more he is suffering the more likely the chance he will change. Maybe he won't but there is more chance.

One thing the counselor said to us sincerely and was very adamant about was when he said "Whatever you get out of this session, remember one thing. "If anything bad happens to your son IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT." We had brought up well what if he commits suicide or dies from an overdose or goes to jail or any worst case scenario.

I don't know about you but for me having a professional tell me this while looking me in the eye and really meaning it made a big impression on me. Sure, I technically knew it already. I know whatever happens to him is on him and not me but I think I needed to hear it from an 'expert' so to speak. The fear is still there but I hold on to that thought and it helps.

I hope you get help for YOU. Nobody needs to go through this alone. Like the commercial says "You're worth it."

Hugs, Kari

atalose

He will need your help, but if you are an equal with addictive thoughts and out of control thinking and fears - like he is - you will be of no help to him...........if that makes any sense.

You can’t get control over his addiction but you can over yours.

Gain as much knowledge as you can about addictive behaviors, manipulations that addicts use and try and prepare yourself to set boundaries with him. Be prepared for the emotional guilt he will use as a weapon against you in order for him to keep his addiction alive.

This is one of the stickies at the top of the page and there are many others you can read through but this one pretty much nails it right on the head. It’s not easy at all when you feel helpless helping your child. I know because I’m also going through it with my son and his drinking.

What Addicts Do

My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about is my needs and how to go about fulfilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.

My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.

My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decision to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decision, I will hurt you again and again and again.

Stop being surprised.

I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.