Elvira

My sister has been sober for just over a year. When she was using, it was trip after trip after trip to the ER. It was tough because you never knew if it was legitimate or if she was drug seeking. All of her rx's came from ERs. I remember when I found her stash. The box was 3' by 3' x 3' and it was FULL of rx bottles. Absolutely terrifying. Anyway, she's been sober and doing so well. She was in a half way house, had a great sponsor, a ton of sober friends and had worked her way through most of the steps. I was blown away by her wisdom and insight. I had always heard that you stop maturing at whatever age you start using, so I was fully prepared for a 14 year old level of maturity. She got her 1 year chip, and told nobody in an effort to keep her ego in check. All positive things and I was so grateful.

About 3 months ago, she started to have medical issues again. I'll save the details as they really don't matter a whole lot. The first medical issue, she passed a tox screen. They gave her pain killers in the hospital. She refused a rx on her way out the door. We all worried. Within 2 weeks she was in the hospital again (appendicitis, so not a made up thing). And then I wake up this morning to a drug seeking facebook post. Not pain killers (her thing) but anti-nausea pills. So I text her and say it sounds like you're using again. Please use your resources you've spent the last year building. Please call your sponsor. You can get out of this.

Well. She calls immediately. It's 7am here. She tells me the hospital story, which sounds legitimate. She says she's sober. She tells me the anti nausea meds she was asking for wouldn't get her high. She tells me to look at going to an al-anon meeting and says that she's struggling with life and it's really hard for her to hear when we accuse her of relapsing. She's clear as a bell on the phone. No slurring, no signs at all of using. I wish I wasn't looking for signs, but I was.

I think I can't know if she's sober or not. And I'm not willing to dig dig dig to find out FOR SURE. Because it wouldn't matter anyway. How am I "supposed" to handle this? Am I supposed to ask when it seems like all signs are pointing to relapse? Am I supposed to ignore it? Those of you with long time sober loved ones, did you ever think they were using again? Enough to bring it up?

Thanks for reading.

ladyscribbler

Whether she's using or not, it was a really good suggestion she made about the Alanon meeting. Sometimes when we've become so enmeshed with loved one's addiction it becomes difficult to figure out where we end and they begin. Take care of yourself. You're a good sister, but her addiction and recovery belong to her. Alanon meetings can teach you to be supportive without exhausting yourself with worry and fear.

zoso77

By staying the hell out of her way. If she's using, she's using, and there's nothing you can do about it. All you can do is watch yourself.

Chino

I quit smoking again, for about the 12th time, 3 years ago. I would tell someone to mind their own damn business if they suspected and asked if I was smoking again. I'd probably not talk them again for a very long time, and have a few choice words for them about being a control freak.

That ^ is what my 4+ years recovering IV opiate addict daughter did the last time I asked if she was using, and she snarled at me that I needed help.

Your sister was kind to you and she was right.

TimeHeals831

I'm going through something similar.. My girlfriend started smoking again and I just KNEW, she lied, then got caught. Then repeated again tonight. I asked her to be honest in a completely calm voice and still lied, but again got caught. But none of that really matters and that's what I'm trying so hard to come to terms with. I also don't want to look for signs if she's using but I can't help myself. See where things go, she's been in the program and has all the tools she needs and the thing is, she KNOWS what to do. It's just the battle of doing that (which I'm also trying to remind myself) let go and see where things go. She's very lucky to have a very supportive and concerned sister!

Jennirey

My 23 YR Old, history of rehab and rehab and rehab- Dual Dagnosis/bipolar just keeps changing drugs of choice.. Had been sober for about 6 months, but not functional.. not working her program.. not getting out of bed, eating showering.. living since she was in rehab in January..Finally we all helped her make the decision.. she needed to go to In-patient for depressive episode. She gets out is doing really well and then Whamo--- Real Live medical scare 10 days in ICU for Blood clots in her lungs.. well no pain meds since she has a history of opiate addictions.. but they were giving her Ativan in the hospital since not only does the condition cause anxiety and the blood thinners cause anxiety.. to go on top of her Great big already had anxiety Pie... She has been home for a week convinced her PCP to keep giving her Ativan.. he said 2 weeks only and no more.. I cannot be liable for that with your history.. well day 2 we knew already she was over using them.. day three crescendo were she was speaking in "Word Salad" and not rational and would not accept we were taking the keys away.. till we "Accidentally Moved her Ativan" out of her sight, and then she called the police on us in the middle of the night.. for taking them from her..

Next day she hands over the ativan to me to hold. I have hidden them, and she has not asked for one single one, but since then 3 days in a row.. she wakes up clear as a bell, and with in 1 hour she seems like the old "High" self. I know she is using just not sure what, that second day when she was all word Salad scared the **** out of me.. made me think she was having a stroke.. But her true colors showed through.. I am right back in the thick of her sickness and I know rehab cannot handle her medical crisis as well as what ever she is taking.. and I am scared she is going to die from one or the other right now.. and no she would not take care of her medical crisis if I kicked her out for abusing her prescriptions.. She wont get help for her medical crisis.. I just think Damn it all, I am so tired right now..yes I have asked her what she is taking..she keeps deflecting reminding me she has had a head injury (2 years ago) and that is why she is jumbling up her words so bad.. but she keeps waking up clear as a bell with no traces of the slur. or the jumbled words or the erratic thoughts and behaviors.. I have been going to Al-Anon meetings still no sponsor yet.. very new to the group not sure how to ask for one.. My anxiety is at an all time high today I cleaned my room I mean cleaned my room trying to relieve some of my anxiety..been working they just mandated 55 hours a week.. but I work from home.. no where to get away from the stressor no way to distance myself praying too.. just not finding any relief...

ddincrisis

A friend of mine who dealt with a mom who abused prescription meds for 20 plus years(and died from it ultimately) and a sister who also abuses pain meds and xanax once told me some good advice...
"If you suspect they are using, they are and have been since before you noticed."
I think we all want to believe they aren't using and try to tell ourselves we need proof to know if they are or not, but we can't trust that. They get smarter with hiding it and their excuses get better.