jadealexander

I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. And also don't rely on the tests so much. There are many ways around them to trick the tests and have the results come back negative.

ItsNowOrNever32

Don't worry I'm not stupid enough to fall for his charms.. i'll be keeping my wits about me.. just makes a refreshing change to be proved wrong!

BlueChair

I think it can be tricky to make these kinds of decisions, but in the end you did trust your instincts. You went and had a great weekend ! I do think we can plant major seeds of doubt in our own minds and then become paranoid and project this onto our Signifcant others sometimes. But if we are aware of this possibility, then we have a better chance to rationalize our actions. So if you had went and it turned out to be a mistake, then you could have always left. But Im really happy it turned into a good weekend for you both. I hope he gets accepted into rehab in weeks time, instead of months. It has to be hard waiting for treatment, not knowing when its going to happen, and staying strong emotionally. I think hes lucky to have you in his life, whatever form it takes as of right now.

ItsNowOrNever32

thanks Blue chair well what a difference a few days can make I've just found out my OH didn't attend his rehab prep meeting on Wednesday.. I had a gut feeling and went with it.. Its only after 4 hours on the phone today he's told me he didn't feel he needed to go!!! I'm absolutely fuming,,, well he's on his own now - big mistake - he's back to his sneaking about .. the only thing he's upset about is been caught (again) tells me I'm like a gastarpo interrogating him.. well tough, like it or F--k off out of my life!

ItsNowOrNever32

Sorry just needed to vent my anger..

hopeful4

He is on a very slippery slope. Take good care of YOU. Your gut is rarely wrong.

XXX

ItsNowOrNever32

Hi Hopeful yep and until he hits the bottom of that slope he won't get the help he needs.. He's on a blocker and tells me even when he uses he gets nothing from it,,, doesn't make sense does it.. anyway nice quiet weekend home alone for me ... he won't get the time of day from me until we have a few truths out of him until then good riddance

BlueChair

Im sorry for this, but Im confused is he using again, or just didnt want to go to the rehab prep, going through a period of I dont need rehab while he waits? and afraid to tell you? Anyway, you have to do whats best for you and if your not comfortable with him then keep him out of your life.

AnvilheadII

Its only after 4 hours on the phone today

four HOURS on the phone? ?????

ItsNowOrNever32

I thought it was just the rehab pre but now he's telling me he's still using occasionally.. all the signs were there for me and I knew he was but he just kept denying it and working his clean days around his tests...he been on the phone most of the night crying telling me its just until he gets into rehab and he desperately needs my help (he's playing the poor old me game) .. its just all the lies again, I could probably cope with the fact he's using (but not when he's in my company!) its the fact he thinks I'm a complete idiot.. just roll on rehab so I can get some normality back in my life,, my love for him is quickly turning into resentment now
yeah 4 hours on and off until my was turned off .. sick of hearing the same old bull - no contact rule for me this weekend!!

hopeful4

For myself the lies were much more painful than the using. Stay you course friend.

Xxx

ItsNowOrNever32

Thank you Hopeful.. well he's got his detox (to get off subutex) date now he goes in for 2-3 weeks then collected at the gate and straight into rehab for 6 months.. less then a week and he'll be hopefully on the road to recovery ,, trouble is on one hand I want to support him through it and on the other hand too many lies have almost wrecked any deep love that I had for him.. I'm thinking of letting him go and possibly catching up at some point when he's home but when would the right time to tell him it's over and I'm done with it?
I know there's never going to be a "right" time but I'm thinking when he's done a good few months in rehab and he's feeling stronger?

hopeful4

I am glad he is going to rehab. I would tell him as soon as he goes into rehab. He will have a support system there.

Good luck to YOU!