scaredsister92

She's been there for a week

Relationships are strained with my parents and my sister and whatever she tells me they tell me differently. Up til now it had been going well for her but her two closest friends there are leaving tomorrow so that plus the stress of misunderstandings with my parents are making her threaten discharge. She was over an hour late for her medication because the (3.5k a week) place was understaffed so that can't have helped.

Working out what to do if she does discharge and how to react if she doesn't. Unfortunately family mediation isn't available - it's the Priory in ******* she's in if anyone knows anything about it?

hopeful4

I don't know anything about it. It cannot hurt (except financially), that she is in treatment. I think at this point all you can do is pray for her.

Hugs.

scaredsister92

I just hate that she's still manipulative. It's like she's basing her worth on how people treat her rather than who she is. Definitely praying for her.

hopeful4

Yes, it is because she has a personality disorder and is an addict. They don't ever face that their own behavior causes so many problems for themselves and everyone around them. It's easier to blame everyone else.

I am praying for you and your sister!!!

XXX

scaredsister92

I wrote this this evening, jotting it here as well as in the poems subforum in case anyone else is interested.

-

I don't know why you get to hurt
while I feel I'm only allowed to hurt because of you

All my life pales into ineffect
compared to your (eternal) internal grief
(not so internal when you scream and we feel it [in our souls])

Why can no one see I should be you
I should hold all your hurt and crush it for you
I deserve it
I deserve it

You, baby, so small and sweet
(facade held up to hide the selfish)
You, baby sister, crying in anguish
(THE AUNGISH I DESERVE)
Not you, oh anyone but, not you.

You brough this hailstorm upon yourself
but I would die trying to shield you from it.

If only I could.

Your life should be sunrise and meadow,
flower blossom springtime
(I know this is your fault, in secret I know it)
your life should be endless sepia-toned delight
you would smile, watch the hours go.

I deserve the sewage smell sunset
the freezing rain
the death.
I deserve it so much more
than what I have. Grace.

Our lives were misdelivered;
I can't save you from your fate,
stuck in my sweet world
I can still smell the decay of yours.

zoso77

Just because the addict has, for now, stopped using drugs does not mean their behavior takes a U turn for the best. Manipulative behavior is, unfortunately, part of her condition.

I hope you're taking care of you.

Ann

It is very common for addicts in rehab to threaten to leave after a week or two..some actually do, others tough it out and are glad later that they did.

They are still in "detox" mode early in recovery, they don't have good recovery under their belt to know how to handle their withdrawals and emotional swings, and it is a time that separates those who really want recovery from those who really want an excuse to leave and someone/anyone to blame.

Pray for her, maybe suggest others to back off and not offer a soft place to land, and then let this unfold as it may.

She is done...or she is not done...and nothing anyone does can do her recovery for her.

I hope she is done and stays.

Hugs

scaredsister92

Thank you. I think she will stay - she's had a hard day but I contacted the ward and they said she'd seemed settled before she argued with my parents and she tends to blow up then calm down quickly but I've not spoken to her again today. She didn't answer my calls but I suspect that has more to do with meds and nurses being there than anything.

She's decided to cut contact with my parents again (relatively recurring event caused by faults on both sides) but they went to a codependency group run by the hospital and seem to be okay with it - they want to take a hard line with her. They met other parents who had thrown their kids out etc and feel a bit better about doing whatever they need to. They really need family mediation or something though as they don't know how to communicate at all. Sadly not offered by the hospital!

Ann

Good news that she is staying. Hope it all unfolds well.

Hugs

scaredsister92

She's still in there, been convinced by her psychiatrist to wait to decide until Sunday but she's pretty convinced she'll discharge herself then. Just hoping the therapy will make a difference between now and then.

Convinced she won't be drug free when she goes home as she won't be staying with my parents and at the moment says she won't go to a sober house.

Still can't believe she's acting so ungrateful for this after so much nonsense she's put us through. She doesn't know my parents may be paying for treatment as the insurance might not cover it (they wanted to get her in asap). I think I may be almost done with her if she discharges early.

jjj111

I'm so sorry you're going through this! I have an addict sister, and there have been times in my life when I became so consumed with worrying about her that I neglected my own well being. What are you doing to give yourself some peace? Maybe it would help to try to take a break from worrying about her and focus on yourself while she is in treatment? You deserve to take good care of yourself. I think sometimes for those of us who have addict siblings, we lose a sense of our own importance. Our parents become consumed with helping the addict, and we do too. Do something nice for yourself today!

scaredsister92

I was in Istanbul all last week which was a nice break! Nice to meet another sibling on here by the way hope you're okay too.

hopeful4

So is she in just for detox or actual rehab? Most rehab programs offer family counseling towards the end is why I asked. They would most likely get great help from going to therapy themselves with a counselor who specializes in addiction. It helped me immensely.

scaredsister92

It's "treatment" I know she has detoxed now but apparently she only has group therapy and the only one-to-one is once or twice a week with a consultant. She doesn't feel like it's the program for her apparently so I don't really know what to do or say about that as she seemed to make progress last week.

This is the website for the hospital The Priory Hospital ******* | Mental Health, Addiction, Eating disorder Help

hopeful4

I think there is frustration for a lot of people in treatment because there is so much group therapy and not as much one on one. I can understand that. However, progress is progress so that's what counts. It sounds like it is a dual diagnosis type of place, so that's a good thing.

Hugs!

scaredsister92

It is, though weirdly they're denying her anti-Ds as she wasn't on them for 11 days before she went in (as she took them all in a suicide attempt) which probably isn't helping! Think she'd do well with one-to-one, suggested she tell my dad and ask him to talk to the hospital and he's generally taken more seriously than her but if they don't offer it then they don't.

Hoping she sticks it out, gets over this bump in the road and onward towards recovery

needingabreak

Scared many times the addict uses their manipulative behavior to get the results they want because even though they are detoxing and learning tools to not use, their behavior takes awhile to change. Right now she is scared and not enjoying what she is doing. Rehab is not fun. It is working on yourself and facing issues within.

If all family members says they will not take her in if she signs herself out where can she go? When you make the addict rely solely on themselves and they know they have no help coming from anyone their tune can change. I will pray for her to make the right choice.

Txhelp

So difficult to love someone with an addiction....

She doesn't seem quite ready, at this point, but perhaps things will change.

As the others have said...set your boundaries. Give her choices....it's her life, her business, and all you can do is extend a hand when she is ready to get and remain clean.

It's the hardest job to do when you care deeply.