Lovenjoy

"a short period of rest or relief from something difficult"

my ras is not here for the next couple of weeks and i have a respite from his challenging recovery. he's away doing something positive and productive and will be strengthening his recovery. so that's all good..... i have been taking deep cleansing breaths and can just feel my whole being relaxing. recovering from opiate addiction is not for the faint of heart for either the addict or the family. it's hard work!

to be supportive but not enabling. setting boundaries and keeping them. working my own recovery. getting jumpy and fearful and angry and resentful..... whew, it's a different kind of roller coaster than active addiction but it is still a wild ride!

so. a time to relax my vigilance and just be... i want his recovery to be solid. i want a black or white it's done or not done and recovery doesn't work that way. i know this. i am grateful for his choices this past year and for the presence of the beautiful person my son is when he is able to beat the beast.

i am also grateful to have this time that i need to decompress and find some much needed perspective. it has been as difficult to not obsess about his recovery as it was to not obsess when he was active. sometimes my recovery goes well and then at times it doesn't. i guess it's the same for him. we both are learning so much and we are developing a deeper more honest more adult relationship.

and boy do i need this interval and i hope to make serious strides in letting go of the struggle and finding true acceptance of life as it is and cultivate peace and just reclaim my self. any thoughts on how i can best use this respite to make me the center of my caring and attention? really want self care and being kind to myself to become a natural way of life..... 'cause i'm worth it!

SR has been such a godsend to me, people from all sides of my issues sharing their experience, strength and hope. i crawl all over every aspect of this fantastic community! what a powerful tool for recovery! i am grateful. thank you.

suki44883

Yes, you are worth it! What would you like to do? Do you enjoy reading? Walking in nature? Taking pictures? Having a massage and a mani/pedi? Treat yourself to a total spa day? Your options are as wide open as is your imagination.

chicory

Aw, Lovenjoy, your post made me sort of teary eyed, just feeling your relief, and the beautiful hope for your son to keep moving forward.

Perhaps just try to remember, its his recovery to work, and thank goodness, you can let go. Take hold of what helps you and focus on that. Rest and enjoy this blessing in both of your lives. We are not promised tomorrow, so enjoy each beautiful moment of today.

You are a blessing to SR, and deserve all the peace and joy that you comes your way.
Best wishes for your son.... I am happy for you and for him!

Lovenjoy

thanks suki and chic! i slept so soundly and woke with a smile to a cool sunny day. actually woke early and went back to sleep, for a minute ya know? 2.5 hours later i woke to the day!!!

feeling no pressure, no angst... this is what i have to eliminate from my journey. ras doesn't create this turmoil, i do this to myself and this is what i need to identify and release. funny how it's not being present this morning gives me the clarity to see it...

"enjoy each beautiful moment of today" this is my mission today chic! i'm going to work from home and enjoy my environment - a stray sunflower seed from the feeder has bloomed in front of the window here, a bright yellow hello! it's quiet and the peace in my home is a balm to my spirit...

"Your options are as wide open as is your imagination" and suki i'm imagining a day at the beach with my gd and nephew this friday! need to be creative in my imaginings so there's no cost involved! now to imagine some personal pampering just for me... another aspect of my journey that i struggle with, doing just for me just because.....

i think this time is going to be very healing and restorative as well as give me a healthier perspective on my life. it is good to be in the moment.....

chicory

Lovenjoy, glad you had a nice rest!

Have fun with the children at the beach. And I hope you think of something really soothing for your personal pampering. You have earned it , dear lady.

Ann

Lovenjoy, never underestimate the toll anxiety can take on your body, your mind and your spirit. I am so glad you are going to focus on taking special time to heal and to find your balance again.

Rest, play and do something wonderful to lift your spirit, maybe a special day trip to some place beautiful and peaceful. You deserve to be pampered, so just do it and don't look back.

Hugs