Amysad

It's been 2 weeks since my AD responded to me.... I had texted her to make sure she knew that I was still committed to driving her to her naltrexone monthly injection which will be her second since coming home from Rapid Detox where she received her first injection. I also reminded her that her apartment termination was Aug 15th so she would need to arrange moving her things out. She has been living with a boyfriend for past two - four months who we have never met in phila but her appartment is closer to our home in the suburbs. She has not responded to me which I am sure means she is not planning on getting the shot........ Is it time for me to let go and just wait to hear from her? I end every text to her by saying how much I love her and pray she is embracing recovery. I'm paying attention to ALL the SR posts and am detaching BUT is detaching mean to also stop trying to contact her? Is it her time to contact me as my texts are problematic and or perceived as signs of weakness or enabling? I'm still to darn new to this to know if I am doing the right thing. Sure would appreciate any thoughts!

suki44883

I wouldn't contact her. She knows you'll take her to get her shot, so it's up to her whether or not to go. She might feel like you are pressuring her if you keep contacting her.

To answer your question, yes, it is her time to contact you, if she wants to.

(((HUGS)))

hopeful4

I agree with Suki. I am sorry, it has to be so hard. Tight hugs!

biminiblue

I agree, let her contact you if she wants a ride.

I would say let go with the apartment thing too, unless you are paying the rent. Well, even if you are - she now knows the date is 8/15.

You will be able to relax a lot more once you let go of her problems.

Amysad

I think I knew the answer but wanted the personal assurance - always second guessing myself. I am comfortable with detaching because frankly living that way seemed to upset me more than it ever did my AD. But I always wonder if she knows how much she is loved and how much life is worth fighting for - that's the biggest thing I worry about plus jail or an OD. Thanks for having my back

lovetohikect

Amy - we are in a similar situation with our AS and his apartment lease is up on 7/31. I have no idea where he plans to live, whether he's gotten any employment, whether he's going to day program, what. No contact at all for 10 days now. We had texted and emailed him previously to let him know that we weren't planning to take him back to our home, and although we've repeatedly been tempted to text or call again, just to see what's up, we've successfully resisted it.

You said in your post, "I always wonder if she knows how much she is loved." Would there really ever be any reason why she wouldn't know that? And, as to "how much life is worth fighting for," if she doesn't decide or realize that for herself, I doubt there is anything you can say or do to make her change her mind.

I also highly doubt that she forgot that you volunteered to drive her for her shot. People remember the things that are important to them (for the most part). Our AS has repeatedly taken the passive-aggressive way out, of saying - oops, forgot it - rather than flat-out refusing or confronting - and I don't know about you, but I'm done with that. It's the same thing in the end.

I think you see that the reasons that you have for contacting her, while very heart-felt and loving, are not necessarily the reasons you should contact her. For whatever reason, you feel that you want to contact her, and I totally understand that uneasy feeling of wondering what they are doing and thinking and planning. But for both of us, this is a very important part of the detaching process. At least I think so!

Jane

Amysad

Appreciate all thoughts - I guess wondering if she knows she is loved comes from my fear of her electing to be alone in her addiction. As a non addict the concepts of her every day chosen life vs the choices we permit ourselves are foreign.