LBSK1581

I discovered this site yesterday while looking for resources for the family & loved ones of someone recovery from addiction. I spent most of the afternoon reading through posts and a lot of things hit home. I'm not with the addict anymore although he says he wants to do whatever he has to do to get his family back. After reading some of the things I did I'm not sure that it will ever be possible. I refuse to get back on that roller coaster ride. We were together 3 yrs. That's not the life I want for myself or my children. We have 2 children together. I read something yesterday that really got me thinking: "As long as we believe that we have to have the other person in our life to be happy, we are really just an addict trying to protect our supply - using another person as our drug of choice. That is not true love - nor is it loving" He has made statements like he felt if we cant be back together than what is the point. If our family cant be together again then why not drink when he isn't visiting with his kids. That makes me feel like he can only be clean and sober if we are together but if we aren't together then he can't. But obviously that isn't true since he couldn't be clean and sober when we were together. I feel once again I'm being manipulated. I have told him that if he truly commits to his recovery and does the things he needs to that there may be hope for us one day. I can't predict the future and I don't know what will or could happen. But he wants to start texting and talking right away like we are together again. I just want to be friends, co-parent our children, be able to get along. My kids & I have been just fine during the time we haven't talked much and while he was in rehab. I guess what I wondering is it even possible for me to be a part of his life right now? Am I giving him false hope when I'm not even sure that we have a future? "Bring them to understand that they are powerless over others, and that nothing they do or say will make an addict use or not use drugs" I just need to keep repeating this to my self....

biminiblue

I don't believe there is manipulation. There is a willingness on your part to believe against all evidence that you have some control over his drinking.

zoso77

Welcome to the Board, LBSK. I'm glad you found us and have been reading the posts of our members. Other members will be by to greet you during the day, but as is my wont, I've got a couple thoughts I'd like to share with you.

That's a question only you can answer, and when you do answer it, you need to keep in mind that you're not only answering it for yourself but for your children.

What he says and what he does may be orthogonal to each other. The only way you will be able to judge where he is at is with your own two eyes and your gut. What he says means nothing. What he does means everything. But on the other hand, if you're really done with him, then be done with him and mean it. You and your children have too much at sake and you can't afford to be coupled to a sick person.

Anyways, that's my two cents. Again, Welcome to the Board.