GardenMama

Tomorrow morning my homeless AD's ABF is finally going to rehab. This means she is going to be homeless with their dog in the city. She has turned down two beds this summer already, but says she will go to treatment (now that he is in) as soon as she can. She asked to stay at our home until that happens. I said no. When I pressed her about her plan, she said that tomorrow she will call another rehab and if that place doesn't have a bed soon, she will go where I had arranged. This is progress on her part because the place I found she outright rejected in May--"only rich people go there." (Not true. Insured people.)

Because it remains very hard for me to imagine her sleeping in the woods by the river alone for a few nights, I am stewing on other ideas...

What about this option: she can stay with me as long as she doesn't leave the house or use, which will start her detox process in half a day, and if it gets unmanageable, I will take her to the ER or a detox facility. Am I caving? I have not said anything to her. But I have offered to take her ABF to the rehab in the morning.

Just to get all my worries on the table: tonight I fear she will OD because they will not be together for a few months after tomorrow morning.

Insights, reactions, kicks in the butt for my relapse?

zoso77

GM, no advice. Just support, and I'll defer to our members who have been in your shoes. I hope both your AD and her ABF seek the light.

Raider

Praying for you.

hopeful4

I personally dont think its caving as long as your firm in your boundaries and she knows its ONLY until her bed is open at rehab. I would also make sure there is a plan for after so she does not ask to stay w you, such as a sober living house.

I too will pray. Hugs.

havehope

Sending prayers too. Tough decision, perhaps you have already made it by now. I think as long as you set your boundaries about her staying with you, and stick to them, it's okay. If she breaks the rule then she is out. I know it's hard.

MIRecovery

House arrest is not a bad idea but how are you going to keep here there when you are gone?

nancylee

I would take in their dog - that poor animal is a victim in their drug abuse. If your daughter doesn't want to follow your rules, keep the dog, contact a rescue for it if you can't keep it, and can you really control your daughter???

I do dog rescue and I always feel for the innocent kids and animals with addiction. Praying for you,
Nancy

chicory

No kicks in the butt Mama, just loving support for whatever you decide.

GardenMama

Thanks for you prayers and support. I just saw my AD and her ABF for the first time in 7 weeks; I took them some leftovers and then back to their camp. She is so skinny it pains me. The plan is for me to take him to the treatment center in the morning and take her directly to an ER with a detox facility attached. They said they did not use today and weren't going to, so she may be cranky/sick in the a.m. I will keep the dog until my ex-husband comes to get her in a couple of days.

My daughter seemed especially subdued and wide-eyed towards me. I was quiet in the car and did not work hard at small talk, which I am proud of. I see the progress, and the potential, but I just have to see her IN a treatment facility to really believe it. Her BF told me he is staying the entire 90 days, so that may increase her willingness to stay longer in treatment this time, too. I sure hope so.

If I cannot get her into the detox tomorrow, I will bring her home for a night. I can get her into the place I had set up in a day or two and can be home with her until I drop her off...Is it normal to feel numb and have no expectations of success? Is that GOOD in this situation?

chicory

Yes, no expectations is good, I think! it does no good to expect something out of our control, you know?

I will be praying for your daughter, her bf, and you, hoping it goes well beyond your dreams.

Huggy

Yes, GardenMama, I think it is good to have no expectations because, when I was at that point with my AS, I know I had finally reached a sense of serenity and knew that it was up to my higher power (for me, God). I finally reached the point that I was no longer in control and was only a "facilitator" of what would happen next. Good luck and trust your higher power!

nancylee

Praying for you all - and bless you for watching over that poor pooch,
Nancy

GardenMama

The ABF is now tucked in to rehab for 90 days and says he's staying as long as they will let him...My daughter and her dog are now with me. We tried to get her into a hospital detox but couldn't. She did get some meds to help with some of the withdrawal discomfort that is starting. We are now waiting for the call that she has a bed at the first rehab I arranged in May. I sure hope it is soon but know it could be two days from now...

zoso77

GM,

Welcome news on the ABF. And I trust you'll have your head on straight regarding your AD. Keep us posted.

cece1960

Good Luck GM. I have found that numb place too, and its a nice alternative to the panic I used to feel.
NO expectations= no disappointment, right? The good news is that we can always have hope

GardenMama

"...its a nice alternative to the panic I used to feel" --- So true! I am lying in bed with my cats, and was just thinking how calm I was today and how different I feel than even two months ago. Numb is much better than panic!

I told my daughter that she can't go wandering in the neighborhood, that I feel anxious when she goes in the bathroom and shuts the door (because the May OD was in that bathroom) and that she needed to work with me if she was going to stay here until rehab. Clear and loving boundaries that address my needs...it is so simple and yet so hard to accomplish sometimes.

Ilovemysonjj

Hi GM, I was also so numb when I was taking my son to his detox last May. Sending prayers she is able to get in soon. Does the rehab allow them to have drugs in their system when you admit them or do they need to be clean of drugs when they enter?

GardenMama

They let them detox on site and consider it part of the treatment process. She will have to deal with her symptoms at home until we can get her in.

Thanks for your reply. I am glad to see you are still here.

pommie

Prayers and support for you all. Can I ask you how do they get into these rehabs. Do they have insurance? Just curious cause my son has no insurance and I sure could not afford to pay for a 90 day rehab.

GardenMama

My daughter's BF doesn't have insurance. He went to a county agency (lots of substance abuse centers to this too) for a Rule 25 Assessment which, if approved, covers the entire cost of his treatment. Check out resources in your community. Lots of folks here suggest Salvation Army as another great option for uninsured.