strongone

Will I ever know what the right thing is to do? My RAH was basically forced to hit his bottom 4 mo ago. After 7 years on and off of pills, snorting pills, coke, then snorting heroine everything came to a screeching halt when he was arrested. I finally had had enough of the chaos, packed up our two young kids, our dog, emptied our home that we had poured our blood sweat and tears into for the past 5 years, put it up for sale and moved in with my parents. Looking back I honestly don't know how I lived in denial for so long. Anyway, he has been sober and working a program since that day. He went to rehab, is now in iop and attends meetings on his off days. He says he wanted to stop but couldn't and the arrest and losing everything(the house and his family) was his bottom. His parents
are allowing him to stay w them with certain rules/boundaries. I just constantly struggle with what to do. I am constantly reading how hard life is with an addict and I never ever want to go back to the way we were living. I know one day at a time and I don't have to decide right now but I guess I keep struggling with the unknown. I never imagined my life would turn out like this. I thank god I had the courage to leave and that my parents are so supportive. The peace and sanity of being in a happy, stress free home is indescribable. I have tried meetings and therapy but it's hard with working and having two young kids. My mom watches them all day so I feel bad asking her to watch them after work hours(even though she would). SR has helped me tremendously but I know I should attend meetings just need to find the time. Sorry for the ramble.

Firefall

Your question, I don't know the answer. In my 12 Step meetings, some can't stay clean for more than a few days. Some go out after a decade or more, some maintain for the rest of their days. I don't think there is a solid answer.

Try to find ways to attend meetings as you are able, it id's hard with kids. Talk to your mom and see if she had any advice on how to work it out in a way that works for her too.

Stay strong, take time to sniff the joy in the air.

Raider

I'm really sorry. Praying for you.

hopeful4

I am guessing he will have some court ordered monitoring with all that. The thing is, when they seek help to stay out of trouble its a bit different. Doesnt mean it cannot work, but likely his focus is not the same as if he chose this on his own. You say he was forced into his bottom, there is no such thing. Unless he is willing to work for it for the rest of his life its not true recovery in my opinion.

For myself, the risk of what could happen...again....was more than i could bear. Stay the course and look at his looonnngg term actions, thats where the truth shows.

Good luck to you.

You may try Celebrate Recovery who normally offer free babysitting and age appropriate programs for children. Addiction is a family disease after all.

Ann

I am so sorry for the sadness and heartbreak you have been through and glad you have supportive family to see you through the hard times.

You found peace and your children are in a happier, safer environment right now. Please hang on to that and keep moving forward in your life.

Time will tell how serious he is about recovery. 4 months is very early, the true test is after all the rehabs and IOP's when the person has to learn to live life on life's terms. Some can, some take many tries, and some never hang on to it long term.

Don't put your life on hold waiting to see what he does with his. Give it time and space and let life unfold before you make any decisions that take you away from the safe place you are in right now.

My prayers go out for you and your children, that better days are ahead for all of you.

Hugs

Vale

If he chooses recovery, it will be one day at a time (forever).
Is that the way YOU want to live?

Forever?

strongone

Thank you everyone for your posts. Hopeful, he will most likely be getting drug court, which I think is for 5 years. I am def going to continue living my life and putting my kids and myself first, something I hadn't done for years. The thing is he lives close so I allow him to come over and spend time with the kids(they miss him and adore him) and will continue to as long as he is sober and working a program. If I suspect drugs or anything the visits will be over. We've have been together for almost 17 years ( we are 34 now) so I guess when I see him with the kids now, sober and the man I married I start thinking like this can eventually work bc I do still love him. But then reality sets it and I know there's a huge chance his sobriety won't be forever. It's really hard when young innocent kids are involved and don't understand why they can't see their daddy all the time. Anyway thank you again for takin the time to post.

hopeful4

I understand. My X also lives near and when I see him with my kids I am amazed b/c he seems like a normal good ol dad. But....he is only with them in snippets. Not living us, which was a different ball game.

It's not that there is no hope, there is. If he truly wants this it can happen. Just make him prove it over a very very long time.