How to Detach Without Causing her Pain?

Old 07-09-2014, 10:31 AM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
Awareness, Acceptance and Actions.....

And they must come in that order in order to bring sanity back into your owe life.

Awareness- that your sister Is an addict, you didn't cause, you can't control it and you can't cure it.

Acceptance- that no matter what you do, say, love, withdrawl daily support, stop buying her food, buy the entire grocery store out and ship it to her house, yell at her, ignore her. None of it is EVER going to CHANGE her......she has to want it for herself.

Actions - set healthy boundaries for yourself when it comes to her behavior. Learn NOT to react until you've discussed things with someone who has more experience with addicts and can respond in a more healthy way. Go to al-anon, learn to detach emotionally, we don't withdrawl our love or support we just withdrawal from Un-helpful enabling behaviors that allow them to continue on the self distructive path.

Know that's it's ok NOT to answer your phone when you've had enough. It's even OK to turn the dam thing off if that is how you can get some peace.

And most important I'd to learn that guilt is a killer, they use it to hurt us and gain what ever it is they are seeking and when stew in our guilt- that stress slowly sucks the life out of us.
Thank you. I'm going to print this and stick it somewhere I'll see it a lot.
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:13 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by scaredsister92 View Post
(can't go this Monday as I'm graduating uni).
Congratulations!!! Thats a huge achievement and I hope you don't let this situation spoil your pleasure.

From what I've read you're a very together person and I have no doubt you'll find a way of interaction with your sister that works for you.
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Old 07-09-2014, 09:22 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
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I would also like to say congrats! What a wonderful accomplishment. Please take the time for yourself to enjoy that pride!
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Old 07-09-2014, 10:17 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by zoso77 View Post
Don't go there.

It is very important for you to understand that she has made her choices. And her choices have not only cause great damage to herself, they've hurt those who love her. So it's her responsibility to choose a different path and accept responsibility for what she's

You come first.

Zoso is right, I am coming to grips with it myself. It is not easy and I am still in the process. Nevertheless she made her choices, if you think she is considering you at all, you are just kidding yourself. Her life is all about her and what she wants. You are never part of the equation with an addict, except how they can use you.

It's hard... sisters...it's hard.
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Old 07-09-2014, 11:30 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
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Originally Posted by scaredsister92 View Post
Yes I had a PM about it earlier from some wonderful soul on here. It's tricky as I'm 200 miles away from her but it looks good for me to work through it here and should help me interact with her better. Thanks for the heads up
LOL I think that was me.... glad it helped... I just sent you a private reply back ...but then saw you post here about your graduation... I just wanted to say congratulations

Put a freeze on everything if you can and enjoy this time of celebration..... Its a huge accomplishment.

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