scaredsister92

Hi,

My sister is an addict. She's 19, doesn't speak to my parents and looks like she's on a one-way road to self-destruction. I don't know what to do. She says she wants to get clean but refuses help and binges on drugs. She's depressed, says she's giving up with life and I just am hopeless and powerless in the face of her destruction.

She's filled out rehab paperwork to get NHS funding to go but because she's not attending groups in the community she isn't too likely to get it but it seems to be the one lifeline she has at the moment. I don't know what to do. I live 200 miles away and she pushes me away and then calls me crying. I just wanted to meet other people in this situation...

Ann

Welcome, Scaredsister, I am sorry for your sadness but glad you found us.

If your sister wants to go to rehab, the Salvation Army has some terrific programs and they are free. If she is serious she may want to contact them and see what is available in her area.

Take a read around, especially the sticky posts at the top of this forum where you will find a lot of helpful information.

It breaks our hearts to watch our loved ones destroy their lives with drugs. I will keep your sister in my prayers, that she finds a better path soon.

Hugs

scaredsister92

She's applied for NHS funding but it can be very hard to get I think. Just waiting on that, not sure what we'll do if she doesn't get rehab. Thank you for your welcome

Mountainmanbob

to bad you are not closer
you could drag her to a meeting
many will say that forcing one to a meeting does not work
but - I attend meetings
and know of many who were forced there
who stayed and remain sober
MM

needingabreak

Welcome scared. I am sorry for what brings you here but so glad you found us. This is a community of caring, compassionate people who have years of experience behind them. As Ann said, the stickies at the top are very helpful. Take a look at those and around the site to familiarize yourself. I was going to suggest the Salvation Army too.

I hope your sister gets to the point where she is truly sick of the drug life and seeks recovery. I'll be praying for this.

zoso77

Welcome to the Board. I'm so sorry about your sister. And she's so young.

Yup. You are powerless, and that's a very, very difficult thing to accept. You cannot do anything. The only one who can is her, but she has to make that choice and then follow it up with a course of action. Her words are meaningless; only her actions count.

You came to the right place, so I hope that you continue to post and allow us to support you during what is certainly a very difficult time. I would also encourage you to find a local Nar Anon or Al Anon meeting so that you can receive support in person.

Again, Welcome to the Board.

Firefall

Welcome, lot of help here.
I don't know where you live, so don't know what your laws are. Here in California since your sister has mentioned giving up on life, you can call 911 and say that she is a danger to herself they will pick her up and take her to rehab, she will not be able to leave for at least 3 days. They can fast track her right into rehab from there.

Good luck.

hopeful4

Yes, if she is a threat to herself you can have her hospitalized in almost any state. However.....there is a catch. Addicts are famous for being suicidal one moment, then when the police or emt's show up they are completely fine and have no idea why they are there. They can be very very sneaky in that way.

I second what everyone has said above.

I too am glad you are here. You are not alone, we will walk this with you.

scaredsister92

I have called an ambulance for her but here in the UK she was discharged at 2am and left to walk home across the city - because she uses drugs mental health services won't touch her at all.

I'm so thankful for you guys, honestly. Everyone must say "oh but she's different, no he isn't like those other addicts" but I'm learning she is. She may not be as long-term as some or as committed to one drug as some are but she isn't some magical different person.

zoso77

On our side of the pond, mental health patients and substance abuse patients have been hospitalized together for some time now. Why that is, I don't know.

Take care of you.

GardenMama

Welcome, Sister. My 16 year old has watched her 20 year old sister's life crumble with heroin addiction and really struggles to figure out how to help, let go, detach, love, etc. It is not easy for any loved one, but I think siblings have an especially hard road. She has been helped a lot by attending Al-Alon meetings (Alateen, specifically, because of her age), and so I highly recommend you get yourself to one as soon as you can.I attend NarAnon because there is much more understanding of hard/illegal drug use there. Besides the great support, you will also learn about resources and options available to her and you in your respective communities. I send you so much love and empathy. This is a really hard thing to navigate and I am glad you reached out here. You are not alone! And you are so on target realizing that she is not unique among addicts--they are almost cookie-cutter impressions of each other! Take good care, and keep us posted, please.

scaredsister92

Apparently wasting NHS time on people who don't have clear issues (because drugs confound them) isn't a priority, dumb as it is. Wish we did things your way!

I'm definitely going to look into it, so far nothing obvious pops up in my area but I'll keep looking and plan to call around the drug support centres to see if they know of anywhere thank you.

chicory

Just adding my welcome to those of the others. You are in a good place for support and understanding.

Keep posting, and reading the info here, it can help, and I hope you find some face to face meetings too.

Prayers for recovery for your sister, and peace for you.

scaredsister92

Thank you

She's currently ignoring me which is hard, I can see she's seen my messages but they're going unanswered. Ugh this is a tough ride.

GardenMama

It is hard to be ignored, but it is so common among addicts. Right now my addict daughter only calls when she wants something from me. I don't worry about her not replying anymore. I just keep sending messages of love and care. Take care--and try to remember you cannot cure, change or fix your sister until she herself is ready to be sober.

scaredsister92

Yeah, as long as she's reading them she knows I'm there - and I can see she's still alive enough to read them!

Firefall

My RAA sister lives with me and will ignore everyone for days on end. She assumes there is a hidden motive to what everyone does or says (because they do). It is part of their
disease. If you say what you mean and mean what you say, they just can't comprehend.

GardenMama

This is SO TRUE! Everything you say is either forgotten completely or distorted. I had a conversation yesterday with my AD that was identical to one we had 6 weeks ago about rehab & insurance. It was crazy-making, until I realized that she did not remember that conversation...but pretended to. So, I said all the same things. That's also why I keep texting her love & hugs. She probably won't forget, but she knows I love her.

Firefall

Yep, I am giggling because before coming here I had begun to wonder if it was me.
Nope!

They hang onto the negative, they forget any good thing. I don't actually know if that is from the addiction or her BPD. Whichever it is, it may never be different, have to be okay with that one way or another. For me that means I have to remove her from living with me soon.