Ilovegod

It started a lil over a month ago, I asked to see my husbands phone and computer and was told no. Something that NEVER would of been told. We had always had a open book. I got on our phone acct and found 900 text messages between he and his friend who happens to be a cute girl. He was mad that I had found out and begged me not to get a supena to read them. This is before I knew of the drugs. I still wasn't allowed to look at his phone or computer. He told me he was not happy and was considering divorce. Then he comes in our room and tells me that he is sorry for putting another woman in front of me. I lost it and I called him a ****** I know I shouldn't have, but I did. He said he never cheated on me. They just talked and texted. He had been to her house and met out someplace. Then about a week later the day after his birthday he tells me that he is addicted to meth for the past 8 years. Now, my background when I delivered our son it killed me, I was dead for ten min. I had to learn how to do EVERYTHING over, walk, talk, eat, etc. So my short term memory isn't very good bc lack of oxygen.
Back to us, he agreed to get help and is currently in out patient rehab. And made it to where NOBODY knows if he passes his drug tests. But, says divorce is what he is leaning towards. We are living in the same home that his parents pay all of our bills. He lost his job, but might have a chance to get it back.
I have a bit of a temper and will yell not even realizing it. He keeps bringing up that I call him names and yell almost everyday. I don't bring up the fact that he had been doing drugs in the garage for the past 8 years. I don't have a job. I'm currently looking.
Someone advise me what I should do? Please!

Ann

I am so sorry for your pain and glad you found us. Do you have family of your own that can help you get through hard times?

Regardless of how he does with his attempt at recovery, it might be a good idea for you to talk to a lawyer and know your rights and the rights of your child and then make a plan for what you could do to move forward with your life.

I wish I could tell you this will all go away and you will live happily ever after. Sadly, it just doesn't work that way.

Please find support for yourself and know that you are among friends here who understand your pain and care.

Hugs

zoso77

Hey...

I'm really, really sorry that this is going on. You're in a really tough spot. I will defer to other members who have been in similar situations to yours as far as explicit advice goes, but I want to say a couple of things first.

Firstly, a man does not exchange 900+ text messages with another woman and goes to her house if there is really nothing going on. My instincts tell me he's full of sh*t when he told you he's not cheating on you. It pains me to write this. However, someone in active addiction will lie about anything and everything without conscience. It's part of the condition.

Secondly, I'm of the opinion that you need to establish your independence. Starting now. I would assume the worst regarding both your marriage and your living arrangement, and work on being able to support yourself without the help of his parents.

Remember this: if his lips are moving, he's lying. Trust your gut and take the best course of action for you.

hopeful4

No one can tell you what to do. What sort of support do you have outside his family?

One thing I will say is this. Addiction does not make you cheat. A cheat is a cheat and rarely do they change. An addict is an addict and rarely do they change.

That hurts, I know, but it's the truth. The best prediction of future behavior is past behavior.

I would be reaching out to see what options you have for yourself. If he is being so secretive there is a reason why.

Ilovegod

That is the thing, he has never cheated on me. I really don't think he has in the past. Something isn't sitting right with me with it that is for sure.

zoso77

Nor should it. Pay attention to it.

Ilovegod

What is the best way to find out if he has?

zoso77

In my view (and this is only my view), you have ample evidence to strongly suggest that at the very least, he has gone outside your marriage for some form of emotional intimacy. I mean, 900+ texts to another woman? A visit to her house? Talk of divorce?

I mean, WTF?

Do not expect him to be truthful about it.

The most urgent question you should be asking yourself is about your boundaries. He is, at a minimum, guilty of exercising some very poor judgement regarding this other woman. How do you feel about that? Do you think it's appropriate? If you don't, then decide what you want to do.