withdrawls bf pushing me away
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Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 1
withdrawls bf pushing me away
hey everyone! I live in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend since 4 years. he is 26 and im 23 years old. he was always smoking weed but it didnt do any special harm to him. once we went to an underground club in my city and we got offered amphetamine and we both tried it out. personally im not an addict type.. when my boyfriend returned home he started to be curious "what was that white powder' they fed us with.. he found a dealer fastly, and tried cocaine out. this been 3 years ago. he been on and off on it. making bad desicions, even cheating on me (of course he was high and felt sorry for it..). during this time it was me who always visited him, because he spent his money on drugs. he kept hurting me, saying i have someone else for sure, i dont love him etc etc.. however i was the one who did everything to keep this relationship up. i supported him whenever i could, i was by his side when he got some problems.. then he tried crack out and got more addicted. after 3 years he finally realized it cant be continued like this and all he could do is he moved away from that city. (last time i seen him was last year juin.. he didnt have money for flat, and his father's new girlfriend didnt let us sleep together..witch?) right now he is living with his mom, has no job, nothing.. saying he is on rehab.. he been there 2 months now (2months clean). at first he was begging me to go there visit him, be with him.. i kept saying i cant because i have exams, i can only go in august. after a month he started to blame me for all the **** has happened to him. he removed me from everywhere and changed his number. I can only email him. he barely talks to me and i dont even know whats going on. its weird because a month ago we been skyping, and all the sudden he has enough of me. should i plan to see him this summer or should i let him go.. its not so easy to let him go when he doesnt say anything to me, nothing, like pls leave me alone i need time or lets break up... nothing!!! he only wrote me sure come give me a hug, but he basically pushing me away and i cant undersand why or why he cant tell me... i really dont know what to do. not easy to forget him after 4 years and everything we been through.
Curmudgeon, Electrical Engineer, Guitar God Wannabe
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 3,403
Welcome to the Board. I'm assuming you're on the other side of the pond, and I'm happy that you've found and joined our little community.
Your post is multi-layered with a lot of themes zigging and zagging out of it. Others will be by to welcome you and give you feedback, but I have a couple of observations that I'll share.
Firstly, when you're dealing with someone who is only 23, even without addiction considerations, mercurial behavior is the norm rather than the exception. But once you convolve addiction into the mix, what is already a challenging situation has become incredibly difficult.
Secondly, having been cheated on by my AXGF, I can tell you from experience that that sort of behavior is a deal breaker. You should be asking yourself why such behavior isn't a deal breaker for you.
In any event, my hope is that you take advantage of the resources we have here, which includes the collective experience of all our members. If you allow it to, it will save your sanity.
Again, Welcome to the Board.
Your post is multi-layered with a lot of themes zigging and zagging out of it. Others will be by to welcome you and give you feedback, but I have a couple of observations that I'll share.
Firstly, when you're dealing with someone who is only 23, even without addiction considerations, mercurial behavior is the norm rather than the exception. But once you convolve addiction into the mix, what is already a challenging situation has become incredibly difficult.
Secondly, having been cheated on by my AXGF, I can tell you from experience that that sort of behavior is a deal breaker. You should be asking yourself why such behavior isn't a deal breaker for you.
In any event, my hope is that you take advantage of the resources we have here, which includes the collective experience of all our members. If you allow it to, it will save your sanity.
Again, Welcome to the Board.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I'm sorry for your pain and glad you found us.
Maybe he needs to avoid the people and places where he used drugs? That's not uncommon, or maybe he is again lost in his addiction and you have no place in his life.
No matter what the reason, it might be good to take time and look at what draws you to such a relationship, where you are doing all the giving and he is doing whatever he wants and using drugs.
I hope you find a better way to live without him, life doesn't have to be this sad and complicated at your young age.
And please accept this with understanding that I say it because I care...don't ever presume you are not "the addict type". Sweetie, it happens to the best of people, rich and poor, old and young, and often those who think it will never happen to them. Addiction happens to those who use drugs.
Hugs
Maybe he needs to avoid the people and places where he used drugs? That's not uncommon, or maybe he is again lost in his addiction and you have no place in his life.
No matter what the reason, it might be good to take time and look at what draws you to such a relationship, where you are doing all the giving and he is doing whatever he wants and using drugs.
I hope you find a better way to live without him, life doesn't have to be this sad and complicated at your young age.
And please accept this with understanding that I say it because I care...don't ever presume you are not "the addict type". Sweetie, it happens to the best of people, rich and poor, old and young, and often those who think it will never happen to them. Addiction happens to those who use drugs.
Hugs
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