My sister is an alcoholic

Old 06-29-2014, 04:37 PM
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My sister is an alcoholic

It feels strange writing that. She is in her mid thirties. I am in my early thirties. We have not been on good terms for the past few years. She has been estranged from my father for the past 10 years, my mother, for the past year. She is married, and her husband texted me to call him earlier this week. I had sworn I wouldn't talk to her, that I was done with her, that there was so much **** that happened, swore that I was done done done with my sister, and I didn't care what happened with her. I was wrong, and I realized that despite years and drama and bad blood, those blood ties were strong, and I reached out as soon as I got the message.

He told me she was an alcoholic. Out of the blue for me and my mother. It was the last thing we expected. Luckily, she knows she has a problem. The first step, they say. My father is selfish and hateful and wants nothing to do with her, but my mom and I are there for her. She has her husband. She has us. She knows she has a problem.

I don't know what to do . I don't know where to start to help her. I don't know how to deal with an alcoholic, especially since I am so far away - 5 hours by plane. Please help with any tips/experiences.
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Old 06-29-2014, 05:03 PM
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Welcome to the Board. I'm glad that you found us and posted about you and your sister. Others will be by to greet you, but as is my wont here, I'd like to say a couple of things.

While it's good that your sister has, your father aside, a good support system, you need to prepare yourself for a hell of a ride. Your sister may be aware she has a problem, but that does not necessarily equate to proactively taking measures to deal with her problem.

You will, eventually, need to accept that what she does or doesn't do is out of your hands. You, your mother, your brother-in-law can all want the best for her, but if she's not willing to help herself, then as they say, it is what it is.

That being said, I hope for her sake she does seek long term, healthy sobriety. And my hope for you is you take advantage of both the resources we have at SR and the collective experience that our members have to offer.

Again, Welcome to the Board.
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Old 06-30-2014, 03:55 AM
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Ann
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I agree with Zoso, it often takes several tries to stop drinking or using. That said, some people just stop and are done with it. The thing is, nothing you do or don't do will affect the outcome, she's on her own to find a better path.

I too have a member of my family who estranged himself a long time ago, a brother who was never close to anyone except his own wife and grown children. No reason, nothing specific happened, he just doesn't talk to anyone except at funerals where we all pretend he just has been busy on the far side of the planet...when in fact he lives only a couple of hours away.

For several years I would send cards on his birthday or at Christmas and enclose a personal note updating him on my family and still he ignored. I made my peace with this and accept it for what it is today. We can't "make" someone be family.

I hope your situation gives you a chance for some dialogue with your sister, regardless of the outcome. This alone may bring peace to your heart.

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