Ilovegod

My husband who has been on meth the past 8 years said that he just doesn't have any "try" left in him. I am not a user and plan to stick by his side encouraging him and giving him things to look forward too, but he is so not himself. I think it might be the drugs, but he told me that they were out of his system at 4 days. He is just not happy. I realize we don't have the perfect relationship, but when I said I do, I meant it. Someone please help me sort this out. He has been clean for 15 days if that matters at all.

Ann

If he is still clean, he is probably going through a gamut of emotions right now, withdrawal can last for weeks. If he is using, he may feel ashamed and not want to face anyone's judgement or disappointment.

The important thing is to take very good care of yourself, whether he is serious or not. He is the only person in control of his own recovery and this may be a good time for you to find your balance and decide what you want for your own future.

I'm sorry for your pain, this must be a difficult time for both of you.

Hugs

Hawkeye13

Recovery is a selfish thing, as is addiction.
I have read many cases where the addict must put all their energy into recovery
and not a relationship.

I am not saying that is the case with you two, however, if he is pushing you away
he may feel he needs the space and to be free of scrutiny and dealing with someone
else's needs.

I have been on both sides of this, and even when we as family want to "help"
we still have a lot of judgement and expectations of how the addict "should" recover
which they often find overwelming.

Focus on your own recovery and let him focus on his.
Early recovery is so hard for everyone.
I'm sorry you are hurting and I wish both of you the best outcome

zoso77

Welcome to the Board. My hope for you is while you're with us, you gain an understanding on what the monster that is addiction really is. Ann and Hawkeye have already greeted you, and others will be by to do the same. I'd like to make a couple of observations; take them for what they're worth.

By picking up meth 8 years ago, your AH made a decision to put his own needs before his marriage. Every time he used, he made that choice, over and over. The man you've been dealing with for that period of time has not been invested in your marriage. He's been functionally unavailable.

And now here he is, 15 days of not using. Of course he's miserable. And he's just as unavailable as he ever was.

The question then becomes what are you going to do about it. We can't answer that question for you. But what we can do, while you're with us, is share with you our experiences and what we've learned. And based on what you learn and what you know to be true, you'll be able to make the best decision for you. Not for the marriage. For you. What's best for you, at this moment, remains to be seen. But you'll need to be open to the possibility of what's best for you may be orthogonal to what you want.

Keep your eyes and your mind open. And again, Welcome to the Board.

DG0409

It might help you to google Post Accute Withdrawal Syndrome or PAWS. Drugs or alcohol really mess up the brain with extended use and even after and addict or alcoholic quits, things don't just return to normal. It takes a long time for the brain to heal.

Ilovegod

WOW- All the advice I was given makes so much more sense now! He's been clean for a lil over a month and he said that he cant decide anything about us right now. He is focusing on his recovery. Not that makes it all better, but I do want him to focus on himself to be the best he can be. I had NO IDEA how in the dark I was the past 8 years. Really makes me question the 13 years we have been married!

Taking5

at 4 days, the drugs may well be out of his system but he is very likely still in acute withdrawal - its too soon for PAWS.

What does his Dr. say?

StacyMae

I don't know much about Meth addiction. I don't think my husband does Meth. I could be wrong though. lol. I wouldn't be shocked. My best friend is in recovery for all kinds of pill abuse. When I'm having a bad day...Trying to figure my husband out....She grounds me and brings me back to where the real focus needs to be...On my child and myself. I have found a wealth of knowledge here that just amazes me. Addicts do what addicts want. They change when they choose too...BUT....we also have that same choice. I'm lost in the stupidness of trying to figure things out too. I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Wishing you a wonderful day.....

mejo

I have been thinking about your post for the last couple days. My H is a meth user. It started 8 mo ago. It has been the worst 8 mo of my life. He has told me 4 times in the period he wants a divorce.
Here's the thing with meth (I could probably write a thesis on it. Lol). Meth does not have physical withdrawal. Only mental. And the mental withdrawal is so strong, it cycles every three months for a year after they get clean. This is why the relapse rate for meth is so high, higher than any other drug. They " crash" from lack of sleep. When they wake from the crash, the eat from lack of nutrients. Then the cycle starts over...high, sleep, eat.

Your H is still in addict mode. It will not be completely out of his system for 6 to 8 weeks. He is going to say mean things and push you away because he is struggling right now, and his brain is still jacked up. Stay strong, don't walk on egg shells, but get help for yourself. 8 years is a very long time to be on this roller coaster. Remember not to take any mean comments personally right now. It is the addict hurling the insults, not your H.

Amy

Txhelp

Educate yourself as much as possible.

Take care of yourself and the kids as much as possible.

Protect yourself as much as possible.

What does that mean? His drug use is not about you. Yes, it affects you. Yes, you may have had blinders on-denial? However, now you have woken up. You didn't do anything to make him an addict and it's not your job to cure him.

If you can possibly attend a meeting/support group for the family of addicts (alanon; naranon; etc), it will be time worth spent. If not, read, read, read.

ardy

Hi Ilovegod... true true true and even if he has given up the drugs the body holds on to so much.. think of us like a fridge.. yep..hot and cold areas.. and in your water ways and in your blood stream.. and the brain.. so much is stored for later and that can be years later.. my hubby is just coming to grips with that.. have to say all.. watch for itching and hives in very unusal areas.. we are now going thro another.. what is comiing out of your body bit.. and the books and study I have done for 21 years.. i know that what is seen on the outside is just part of what is happening on the inside.. and that is a huge mess. and true all read read read educate yourself about the power of the drink and drug and what it does to the body and mind and hold your truth on top of it all.. love and prayers ardy...milwaukee wi