help... husband has walked out of rehab
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I will never judge you, I waivered so many times. You are doing the right thing by scheduling therapy and figuring out what is going on in your own head. When all is right in your own mind you will be strong enough to do whatever you need to do for you and your DD. You don't need him there to work on your codependency fyi...., you can work on that without him being there. You just think you need him there.
Big hugs.
Big hugs.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
That is a good thing. Progress. Therapy will help you. We are only here to support you no matter what decisions you make. XXX
Originally Posted by Karrets 
Yeah that's the Co dependency part.... It tells me I need someone. At least I can eat. I'm reading everyday. Praying.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Karrets, I don't think anyone here can say they did what they were "supposed to" do with their addict (whether husband, SO, child or sibling) the very first, second or third time something happened. I can tell you it wasn't till I came here to SR that I truly learned how not to be co-dependent and I still have to hold myself back some days. It isnt easy and you have to do what is comfortable for you. Please remember any advice is given from the heart and because we care. It does not mean you have to take our advice. We all speak from experience and while there are many similarities, every addict reacts differently. Some will get clean some will not. I think therapy is a very wise decision and will help you figure things out. BTW I totally get not being in control and needing that. it is typical codie behavior. You'll get there just like the rest of us have with time, therapy and experience.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
As,one of my son's counselors at rehab said to me about my trying to control him and situations "how's that been working for us?" Uhm....Not too good. I realized I was wearing myself out trying yo control and not getting the results I was hoping for. Waste of time!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,927
Originally Posted by Karrets
Right I'm ready for the onslaught. I ended up meeting him and couldn't drive away. That was last night he is back home. I woke up this morning and felt that same anxiety when he wasn't here. I apologised to god for getting in his way. I'm angry at myself for caving in and stop him from reaching rock bottom. What I also realised this morning for the first time is how much I NEED to control the situation. him saying walk away wasn't on my terms. I have phoned my gp and organised therapy for myself. I'm so scared when I feel I'm not in control and think I have been like that from a child as I was bullied from 4 till 7. I'm selfish to need him hear so I can work on my co dependency. but if that's what I need to do to function at the moment that's all I can do. He has made an appointment at the clinic tomorrow. I am proud I haven't got involved which is new for me and I haven't checked up on him. Also I'm sitting down with him and putting in firm boundaries... realistic ones.... ones that I have to stick with. I hope you don't judge me but it's all I can do at this time
Also what a big step in calling you GP and reaching out for therapy for yourself. I did this after my husband entered rehab, and it really helped me.
Good Luck Karrets - I think your very brave
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Originally Posted by Karrets
Yeah anvilhead is quite amazing the traits I'm starting to identify with. I control control control..... Yet now understand I have none
Sounds so simple but I think the first step is the most difficult of all. It's about surrender of our illusions that we can make anyone change who doesn't want to do the work to change themselves. And seeing with clarity what this illusion has done to fill our lives with chaos and sadness and insanity.
Regardless of your choices, you are making progress because you are not living in denial and have turned your focus from what he is doing to destroy himself to what you are doing to take care of yourself. Huge progress from where I sit.
I don't know if you go to meetings, but maybe give them a try. You have already done step one and I am betting it feels good to know that.
We learn when we learn and not a lesson before. But each lesson brings us closer to clarity and that's when we feel good about our choices, no matter what they are.
Hugs
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