help... husband has walked out of rehab
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Karrets 
Just an update. The rehab clinic called and said my husband is staying with a relapsed alcoholic from the rehab clinic. The guy graduated 2 weeks ago the time my husband started. They know this because my husband phoned this guy's mum so she didn't worry. He never phoned me how cruel is that. For all he knows I have no idea where he is. The police are still wanting to find him to assess his mental health. Why couldn't he call me
I am sorry to hear that your husband has chosen this path. I understand how painful it is. I also understand more now then ever.....as we sort of the pain, they are too numb to even care. Just the sad, cold, hard facts when dealing with an active addict.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Karrets just letting you know I am here checking on you, thinking of you and praying for you and your daughter. Hope you can be in the moment and enjoy the time with your daughter. Hugs.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
I've decided I have to end it with him. This is just too destructive to live in. My heart has to stop ruling my head. I'm gonna have to move on. You simply can't have a relationship with an addict
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: AZ
Posts: 309
One thing that I have learned in all of this... always be honest with your children. They are on the same ride as you are, and they need someone they can trust with honesty, and you want that to be you. They don't need all the details, because 1) some of that will be your opinion and not fact 2) they are still kids and cannot understand everything. keep it simple. 3) you dont want her to have to take sides, let her make her own observations as she gets older, but do what you have to do to protect her if she would be in danger around the A, of course.
Our children know way more than we give them credit for. I tried to protect my two younger ones for a long time. But they would call my oldest daughter and tell her what was going on, and here I thought I was fooling them! Lol Nope. They are in tune with us mothers. They can feel when something is not right. Idk if this helped, but just be easy on yourself and keep it simple.
Our children know way more than we give them credit for. I tried to protect my two younger ones for a long time. But they would call my oldest daughter and tell her what was going on, and here I thought I was fooling them! Lol Nope. They are in tune with us mothers. They can feel when something is not right. Idk if this helped, but just be easy on yourself and keep it simple.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 3
I went through something very similar and understand how hard it can be It helped me to remember a few things - you do not have to resove this issue by three o'clock this afternoon, and, "just for today" you are not engaging in a relationship with him while he's in active addiction. Tomorrow is a New day - it was too hard for me to think in terms of absolutes and forever. I wish you and your daughter peace.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Originally Posted by Karrets
I love the first quote.... I have grown to hate the word hope sorry
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
He has just texted me and said he can't live like this anymore and I should move on. I replied by saying look you have a choice I will move on I love you but don't want an addict in my life
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by Karrets
He has just texted me and said he can't live like this anymore and I should move on.
his suggestion for you to move on -- seems to be a solid one
wish you well
Mountainman
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
He walked out of rehab and didn't even bother to tell you where he was.
These actions say a lot about lack of committment to both recovery and his relationship with you.
I think you are very wise to move on. You deserve love in the full measure you are offering it.
I'm sorry you have had such a difficult road to walk, but it sounds like you've given him every chance to choose with your support.
Stepping away and letting him live his consequences does seem like the logical next step--
These actions say a lot about lack of committment to both recovery and his relationship with you.
I think you are very wise to move on. You deserve love in the full measure you are offering it.
I'm sorry you have had such a difficult road to walk, but it sounds like you've given him every chance to choose with your support.
Stepping away and letting him live his consequences does seem like the logical next step--
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Darlington
Posts: 175
Right I'm ready for the onslaught. I ended up meeting him and couldn't drive away. That was last night he is back home. I woke up this morning and felt that same anxiety when he wasn't here. I apologised to god for getting in his way. I'm angry at myself for caving in and stop him from reaching rock bottom. What I also realised this morning for the first time is how much I NEED to control the situation. him saying walk away wasn't on my terms. I have phoned my gp and organised therapy for myself. I'm so scared when I feel I'm not in control and think I have been like that from a child as I was bullied from 4 till 7. I'm selfish to need him hear so I can work on my co dependency. but if that's what I need to do to function at the moment that's all I can do. He has made an appointment at the clinic tomorrow. I am proud I haven't got involved which is new for me and I haven't checked up on him. Also I'm sitting down with him and putting in firm boundaries... realistic ones.... ones that I have to stick with. I hope you don't judge me but it's all I can do at this time
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