Please Help Me Know What to Do -- I'm New At This
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 213
Please Help Me Know What to Do -- I'm New At This
Hi. I'm a newbie here. Posted a few months ago that my friend was a recovering addict.
He just recently told me he had been using all that time. After months of friendship he finally trusted me enough to tell me.
He said he wants to get clean and he has tried.
'Til yesterday I thought he was succeeding.
Today I'm not so sure. He's been very open about still wanting to go back to using; he says that he still wants it but that he doesn't want to want it.
We were talking.
Last night for the first time he didn't call me, and today his phone is turned off.
I don't know whether I'm worrying needlessly because he might have it turned off while at work; or he might have it turned off to avoid calls/text from his dope friends; or he might want to be avoiding me.
I tried to call him a couple of times this morning about something that has nothing to do with his addiction.
All I know to do now is not try to get in touch with him, to just sit back and trust God.
Is that the right thing to do? I have been wanting to tell him that I will be his friend, here for him, whether or not he is clean, but I can't even say that if I can't get in touch with him. Not even sure I should tell him, for fear that would make him think I don't trust him to stay clean. I just don't know what to do, if anything.
Sorry this is long ... would love to hear feedback from people with more experience than me.
He just recently told me he had been using all that time. After months of friendship he finally trusted me enough to tell me.
He said he wants to get clean and he has tried.
'Til yesterday I thought he was succeeding.
Today I'm not so sure. He's been very open about still wanting to go back to using; he says that he still wants it but that he doesn't want to want it.
We were talking.
Last night for the first time he didn't call me, and today his phone is turned off.
I don't know whether I'm worrying needlessly because he might have it turned off while at work; or he might have it turned off to avoid calls/text from his dope friends; or he might want to be avoiding me.
I tried to call him a couple of times this morning about something that has nothing to do with his addiction.
All I know to do now is not try to get in touch with him, to just sit back and trust God.
Is that the right thing to do? I have been wanting to tell him that I will be his friend, here for him, whether or not he is clean, but I can't even say that if I can't get in touch with him. Not even sure I should tell him, for fear that would make him think I don't trust him to stay clean. I just don't know what to do, if anything.
Sorry this is long ... would love to hear feedback from people with more experience than me.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Read here a lot and talk to other people with an addict before you make that kind of commitment to an addict. To say "I will be here for you clean or not," in their mind sounds like this, "O good, I can still use and he/she won't leave."
It's a very very hard life to be involved in.
I welcome you here and hope you read the stickies at the tops of the forums and get support for YOU!
It's a very very hard life to be involved in.
I welcome you here and hope you read the stickies at the tops of the forums and get support for YOU!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 76
[QUOTE=hopeful4;4611510]Read here a lot and talk to other people with an addict before you make that kind of commitment to an addict. To say "I will be here for you clean or not," in their mind sounds like this, "O good, I can still use and he/she won't leave."
Sorry, I'm new here, so excuse me for any mistakes.
I agree with this statement above. In my experience, I have always told my SO that I will support him and be there for him if he is trying. If I can see some type of effort on his part, I will keep supporting him in his efforts towards recovery- if not, he can see his way to the door and we can talk when he wants to do something about his addiction. It's hard, but detaching with love, is what I think they call it, is sometimes the best thing you can do for them. Let them have their fall, make their mistakes and feel consequences, and if they want recovery bad enough, they'll seek it out.
Good luck!
Sorry, I'm new here, so excuse me for any mistakes.
I agree with this statement above. In my experience, I have always told my SO that I will support him and be there for him if he is trying. If I can see some type of effort on his part, I will keep supporting him in his efforts towards recovery- if not, he can see his way to the door and we can talk when he wants to do something about his addiction. It's hard, but detaching with love, is what I think they call it, is sometimes the best thing you can do for them. Let them have their fall, make their mistakes and feel consequences, and if they want recovery bad enough, they'll seek it out.
Good luck!
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