scared and lost
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: old forge, pa
Posts: 13
scared and lost
I recently p osted this in another forum and was told to try it here..so here goes....
hello my husband has been sober for about 3 months now . He was addicticted to percs, vike, morphine, anything to "take the pain away".im scared that he is using again and I don't know what to do. I asked him today if he was taking pills again.the reply I got was why would you ask that. There wasn't a yes or a no for a freak out like the last time I had asked him just to be sure. I dont knowbwhat to do I'm miserable. I am scared. we have a six year old son together. Been together for 11 years. He's been an addict for three of them. I'm looking for advice or anything.. We fight all the time about him working because he doesn't work and hasn't worked in 3 years. I'm behind on all my bills and afraid of getting evicted bc I cant afford to pay anything and I'm working full time and its not helping. I keep begging him to apply for jobs look for work , do something besides sit there and watch tv.How do you tell someone you been with for 11 years that you don't wanna do it anymore, that this isnt what i signed up for when i said i do. I resent him more and more every day. I dont understand why hevdoesnt see the damage he is causing. Im so physically and emotionally tired of doing everything myself. I had given him an ultimatum when he told me he was having withdrawal symptoms. He went to a 5 day detox only bc he doesnt have ins. Got out, attended na for 30 days straight, but stopped going a few weeks ago.He told me he would change. but it just seems like he just tells me that I want to hear I'm tired of hearing I'm sorry I'm sorry of course I want to work.his mom and I use to get along really well until she physically attacked me because I told my husband that my depression is bc of him. I am being treated for that seeing a therapist but I can't afford it so I haven't been to see my therapist in a while. Should I just walk away? I just don't know what to do. when is love not enough?
hello my husband has been sober for about 3 months now . He was addicticted to percs, vike, morphine, anything to "take the pain away".im scared that he is using again and I don't know what to do. I asked him today if he was taking pills again.the reply I got was why would you ask that. There wasn't a yes or a no for a freak out like the last time I had asked him just to be sure. I dont knowbwhat to do I'm miserable. I am scared. we have a six year old son together. Been together for 11 years. He's been an addict for three of them. I'm looking for advice or anything.. We fight all the time about him working because he doesn't work and hasn't worked in 3 years. I'm behind on all my bills and afraid of getting evicted bc I cant afford to pay anything and I'm working full time and its not helping. I keep begging him to apply for jobs look for work , do something besides sit there and watch tv.How do you tell someone you been with for 11 years that you don't wanna do it anymore, that this isnt what i signed up for when i said i do. I resent him more and more every day. I dont understand why hevdoesnt see the damage he is causing. Im so physically and emotionally tired of doing everything myself. I had given him an ultimatum when he told me he was having withdrawal symptoms. He went to a 5 day detox only bc he doesnt have ins. Got out, attended na for 30 days straight, but stopped going a few weeks ago.He told me he would change. but it just seems like he just tells me that I want to hear I'm tired of hearing I'm sorry I'm sorry of course I want to work.his mom and I use to get along really well until she physically attacked me because I told my husband that my depression is bc of him. I am being treated for that seeing a therapist but I can't afford it so I haven't been to see my therapist in a while. Should I just walk away? I just don't know what to do. when is love not enough?
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Drug abuse aside, if my fiance decided that he wasn't going to go to work anymore and instead he would just crash on the couch and watch tv all day while I supported us both it would be a very short vacation indeed. You already have an actual child to take care of, you don't need an adult baby. Perhaps he can stay with his mom, since she's so anxious to support him?
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 28
What makes you think he's using again? I believe in our gut instincts on this type of thing, but I'm curious.
You need to set your boundaries, followed by action, imo. He needs to get a job, follow through with some type of counseling/meetings, etc. If he's incapable or doesn't want to do those things, then maybe you need to set yourself a time limit. He could very well be using, but he could also be suffering from depression. Though his lack of a yes or no answer reminds me very much of my RA. When he was using, instead of lie to me, he'd answer a question w a question or just skate around it. Drove me crazy but I always had my answer.
definitely look into alanon or Nar-anon for yourself. It's a great tool for us on the other side.
You need to set your boundaries, followed by action, imo. He needs to get a job, follow through with some type of counseling/meetings, etc. If he's incapable or doesn't want to do those things, then maybe you need to set yourself a time limit. He could very well be using, but he could also be suffering from depression. Though his lack of a yes or no answer reminds me very much of my RA. When he was using, instead of lie to me, he'd answer a question w a question or just skate around it. Drove me crazy but I always had my answer.
definitely look into alanon or Nar-anon for yourself. It's a great tool for us on the other side.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: old forge, pa
Posts: 13
He is now at his mom's. I know didi did the right decision. I have also read allot or rather all of the sticky notes Ann has on this forum. I cried allot after I read them. O can relate to everything in it. I think he is using bc three part week he slept
Allday a few times. Was literally throwing up. Said it was a stomach bug. He spends the majority of his time with his mom. I read the one note about, resentment..wow. I was saying that before I knew he was an addict. The only thing about meetings is I don't have a family near here or friends really top watch our son. He is so unreliable I can't count on him to wake up or rem. To get our son off the bus.
Allday a few times. Was literally throwing up. Said it was a stomach bug. He spends the majority of his time with his mom. I read the one note about, resentment..wow. I was saying that before I knew he was an addict. The only thing about meetings is I don't have a family near here or friends really top watch our son. He is so unreliable I can't count on him to wake up or rem. To get our son off the bus.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 93
There are a few alanon meetings that offer childcare. I think the website should have a list, and I believe there will be a phone number for your area to find one that does offer childcare if the website doesn't say-Any rehab/counselor or therapist ought to be able to locate a schedule for you, I would think.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I am so sorry Cmfl23. I know this is so hurtful for you. I think it is good that you are making no excuses for him, but seem to see things pretty clearly. Keep reading and posting. This is a good place to get help , as well as Al-anon.
We are here for you.
hugs
chicory
We are here for you.
hugs
chicory
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