Mfeliciano86

update ! I saw my husband on Thursday and he looks very different like when I met him but I felt so much hate towards him I felt like why am I visiting him but then I also felt like I m seeing the man I once had in my life well at this moment he is working on a living center so at least he is showing improvement and he also was telling me he is not ready to face the world I hope he can over come this battle and hopefully we can find some where to help him

chicory

I am wishing you peace, you and your boys, and baby on the way.

I hope this situation has given you some breathing room, and that now you can focus on your life and what you like and want.

hugs,
chicory

Mfeliciano86

I been busy with finding work and putting my life back together every day Igrow with anger in my heart how can i hate him but love him

Mfeliciano86

I cant do this I feel like I want run he doesn't listen to my advicw ge got hin self in the program but he went to court and didn't say a think and now blame s me because I dont want him near us I hate him I feel lije my life is over sometimes I just want to die sometimes the pain he has caused is strong I cant start over

chicory

I am sorry you are hurting like this. Hate only makes you sick.

If you are moving on without him around, can you focus on you? let his actions and words run off, and focus on you and your children. you need to move on out of the hate. you can't change him, and you don't want to live this way.

your life is not over. you are here. Can you see that he is sick and it isn't really personal, is it? He would do this behavior in any situation he is in. he may not be able to do marriage, relationships, work, until he gets well. but that is HIS problem. you do not have to fix it, so that means that you can move on with YOUR life.

is there anything else you can focus on right now? do you have work, or family nearby, or a hobby you love? your children can feel your hate and anger, I would think.

do not let him take you down with him. I don't know if any of my words help, but I care.

KeepinItReal

FOG
Fear, obligation and guilt. If any of those emotions come up inside of you - when he's talking to you - then know it's classic manipulation.

You shouldn't feel badly when he's talking to you. No one deserves to be stolen from, lied to and used.

This is what my husband did to me. I am facing the reality that even though our family is together ... we need extensive marriage counseling.

The damage is real - and it just doesn't go away.

HUGS!!

notcoping

I'm new to the forums so please bare with me. I'm not sure how all this works but I'm sitting here reading all this and it seems like everyone has lived my life for the last few years. I have lost everything due to my husband's addiction. I have been evicted, foreclosed on, and all my possessions sold for crack. He has been to treatment twice and has not completed one program. This second time around I decided I did't want to live with him anymore. I am also not sure if I want to work on my marriage. During his periods of smoking all his frustrations and anger was directed towards me. It got to the point where I was extremely afraid of him. I moved in with my daughter. I now have my own place and he has his own place. He doesn't get that I am not ready to pick up where we left off. I keep telling him things can't go back to where there were. It has to be better. He wants things his way and he wants it now. He will not take no for an answer. He has also started to drink again. This is of major concern to me. I just do not know what to do. I only talk to him and take his calls to keep the peace because if I don't he will get very angry. Then I would be called every name but the name my mother gave me at birth. There is so much more going on but I think I've said more than enough for my first post.

chicory

notcoping,
this is some tough stuff you are living. have you contacted any abuse , domestic violence, womens help groups in your areas? I wonder if that might be a good idea, to let some one know, what is going on.

Glad you are here and posting. we can be here for you. You can always start a new post, at top right there is a button, 'New Post", and you can start your own thread. its ok, will find your way around soon. there is a lot of good information in the stickys at the top of this 'family and friends of substance abusers', lots on abuse, and such that might help you.
keep posting, it helps.
welcome!

notcoping

I have looked into support groups and they only meet on one night a week and unfortunately it is the one night I cannot make it. My job would probably let me have that night off but I do not want to tell them why I need it. I am new to the area and no one here really knows what I have been through or going through. Thank you for the help and words of encouragement.

Lily1918

as far as healing resentment and wounds go...

throw a plate on the floor. Did it break? now say your sorry to it and in the future be more careful not to break additional plates. Is the first plate still broken? Can you glue it back together? maybe... but the cracks will always show

chicory

notcoping, you can do an online al-anon, or some other online meeting. I am thinking of it myself.
I think it is good you have your own place. I have to say, I dont see anything wrong if you want to have your own happy peaceful life. if the kids are all grown, I dont see much reason at all, to stay with a mean addicted person, except for self torture.

hope that was not mean sounding, but I love to see people happy.
hugs
chicory

Mfeliciano86

I need a meeting place horrible how I feel

chicory

I am sorry you are struggling. we are here, if you want to talk about it. many have been in your situation and understand.

hugs
chicory