Lost...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern, MI
Posts: 5
Lost...
Hello…this is the first time I have posted here, but have been reading. Just feel alone in my situation right now. My dear son, 28, has been battling IV opiate addiction for 10 or so years. The past 3 years he has been living with me, attempting to rebuild his life. But not completely serious about recovery.
This past weekend I kicked him out. Plenty of warnings, conversations, etc., but he was using again in my house and I just snapped. I feel bad that I reacted and dumped him out without any time to figure out what to do, but I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
My life has become all about his chaos, really, no life outside of my work anymore. Always tired. I still suffer from finding him in July almost dead on my kitchen floor, but he made it and I was so thankful I was here to find him.
But now, I having trouble wondering and waiting for it to happen again. He is so great when he stays sober, but I don’t think he has truly committed to recovery. As I read somewhere on this forum, he is not relapsing, just been abstaining for a while.
Now he is texting me about how bad he feels and he wants to come home. I think I have to say no, but it is hard right now to do it…I think allowing him to be here is insulating him from having to stand on his own two feet and experience his own life.
I have been doing this for so long, but I feel very lost right now…Just looking for some friends who know where I am.
This past weekend I kicked him out. Plenty of warnings, conversations, etc., but he was using again in my house and I just snapped. I feel bad that I reacted and dumped him out without any time to figure out what to do, but I just couldn’t deal with it anymore.
My life has become all about his chaos, really, no life outside of my work anymore. Always tired. I still suffer from finding him in July almost dead on my kitchen floor, but he made it and I was so thankful I was here to find him.
But now, I having trouble wondering and waiting for it to happen again. He is so great when he stays sober, but I don’t think he has truly committed to recovery. As I read somewhere on this forum, he is not relapsing, just been abstaining for a while.
Now he is texting me about how bad he feels and he wants to come home. I think I have to say no, but it is hard right now to do it…I think allowing him to be here is insulating him from having to stand on his own two feet and experience his own life.
I have been doing this for so long, but I feel very lost right now…Just looking for some friends who know where I am.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: North salt lake
Posts: 3,325
Ouch. That post hurts. I have no experience with this except what others have posted. My heart aches for you. For what it's worth, I think that's all you can do. Get out of his way and let him do his thing. And you do yours. Praying for you Honey. Wish I could hug you right now. Blessings.
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
I'm glad you are here, but so sorry for the reasons that caused you to seek out the forum. You will find a lot of parents who have previously or continue to walk the same journey you are on and lots of support. I hope you will continue to read and post - I know I found it incredibly helpful when I first arrived, totally desperate because my daughter was snorting heroin and not totally committed to wanting to change.
I know that it is extremely difficult to ask your child to leave - been there and it seems to conflict with what we as parents want to do - guide and shelter our kids. But in my view, your gut reaction is correct. One of the most difficult but truly life changing lessons I learned is that when I shielded my daughter from the consequences of her choices and when I tried to control her actions...her attempts at recovery, I not only made it more comfortable for her not to want to change, I also robbed her of any feelings of self worth and achievement she could experience for the positive choices she could make to find her own way.
The best thing for both of us was for me to give her the dignity to decide her own path and pursue it. I didn't have to turn my back on her and she still knew I loved her; I just needed to let her find her own way while I too had to decide what was best for me and how I could heal too.
I think I have to say no, but it is hard right now to do it…I think allowing him to be here is insulating him from having to stand on his own two feet and experience his own life.
The best thing for both of us was for me to give her the dignity to decide her own path and pursue it. I didn't have to turn my back on her and she still knew I loved her; I just needed to let her find her own way while I too had to decide what was best for me and how I could heal too.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 41
Dear Hekate, I am so sorry that you are suffering through this. I believe that having a child with a chronic drug habit is just about the worst trial that a parent can endure.
Has your son tried suboxone or methadone? My daughter's boyfriend had been using heroin for about 10 years and after many, many attempts at sobriety, was only successful once he started using methadone. I understand that after many years of abuse, an addict's brain is sufficiently damaged so that they may never be able to stop their addiction without a substitute drug like suboxone or methadone.
After a year long struggle that included me initially driving him to his clinic daily, my daughter's boyfriend is now doing great. I am convinced that methadone saved his life. He is just sorry that he didn't begin using it sooner.
All addicts are different, and my daughter's boyfriend really wanted to stop. I doubt that this would have worked without his commitment.
Its a miserable position with which you are struggling. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your son.
Has your son tried suboxone or methadone? My daughter's boyfriend had been using heroin for about 10 years and after many, many attempts at sobriety, was only successful once he started using methadone. I understand that after many years of abuse, an addict's brain is sufficiently damaged so that they may never be able to stop their addiction without a substitute drug like suboxone or methadone.
After a year long struggle that included me initially driving him to his clinic daily, my daughter's boyfriend is now doing great. I am convinced that methadone saved his life. He is just sorry that he didn't begin using it sooner.
All addicts are different, and my daughter's boyfriend really wanted to stop. I doubt that this would have worked without his commitment.
Its a miserable position with which you are struggling. I just wanted you to know that my thoughts are with you and your son.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hey Hekate
Welcome to SR.....hopefully reaching out here is the start of taking care of you.
I am also the mother of an addict. We do everything we can to try to help them get clean and sober.....personally.....I sacrificed my own life for many years trying to save my son's life. It sounds like you have done the same thing. There is nothing more heartbreaking than having to ask them to leave because we can no longer stand being in a front row seat watching them......I've done it many times. Always hoping that "this time" will be different.
One of the things someone said to me many years ago is.....if love could cure addiction, not one of us would be here. And I think that's particularly true of mothers.....our love for our children is so big....if there is a love that could do it....it would be a mother's love.
We are very big on self care around here. Healthy self care. This was a foreign and difficult concept for me. I was a mother.....I did all kinds of things to try to get my son sober....but none of it worked....and I darn near died trying to control something that was not within my power to control. Learning how to take care of ourselves is critical to our survival......addiction can take out the loved ones before it takes out the addict.
There are lots of moms here on SR. We all walk together and you can walk with us. You are not alone.
Can you share with us what you are doing to cope? Reading? Meetings? Therapy? Addiction is very difficult to navigate alone. Do you have a strong support system?
gentle hugs
ke
Welcome to SR.....hopefully reaching out here is the start of taking care of you.
I am also the mother of an addict. We do everything we can to try to help them get clean and sober.....personally.....I sacrificed my own life for many years trying to save my son's life. It sounds like you have done the same thing. There is nothing more heartbreaking than having to ask them to leave because we can no longer stand being in a front row seat watching them......I've done it many times. Always hoping that "this time" will be different.
One of the things someone said to me many years ago is.....if love could cure addiction, not one of us would be here. And I think that's particularly true of mothers.....our love for our children is so big....if there is a love that could do it....it would be a mother's love.
We are very big on self care around here. Healthy self care. This was a foreign and difficult concept for me. I was a mother.....I did all kinds of things to try to get my son sober....but none of it worked....and I darn near died trying to control something that was not within my power to control. Learning how to take care of ourselves is critical to our survival......addiction can take out the loved ones before it takes out the addict.
There are lots of moms here on SR. We all walk together and you can walk with us. You are not alone.
Can you share with us what you are doing to cope? Reading? Meetings? Therapy? Addiction is very difficult to navigate alone. Do you have a strong support system?
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Hi Hekate, I'm a mom of two recovering addicted adult children, and it hurts, don't it? You want to help and when I say no to something, like returning home, it feels like I'm a failure in the momma department...but we are not and we didn't cause the addiction or the many countless heartaches that tag along..
You're not alone here...like Kindeyes said, we are many strong here at SR. We are here to support you and encourage you. Be good to yourself. Hugs from this mom to you.
TF
You're not alone here...like Kindeyes said, we are many strong here at SR. We are here to support you and encourage you. Be good to yourself. Hugs from this mom to you.
TF
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern, MI
Posts: 5
Oh my goodness, thank you all so much.
Yes, this is one of the most difficult things to cope with. It’s been over 10 years so I have had plenty of time to become educated. And when I discovered he was addicted, I was one of those moms, you know, moving mountains to get him help…Over the years at times I have been distant, even moved to another state for awhile to try to get some distance. Other times I have been close, like the last three years, allowing him to live with me. I was a single mom all of his life, and we had a wonderful time. He was my main priority all those years and I truly loved every minute. So not only do I need to learn to cope with his addiction but also to learn to be me, not just my son’s mom, which has been delayed and complicated by the addiction. At times I have attended meetings, but not lately.
He has been seeing an addiction doctor and using suboxone since his overdose in July. He was in the hospital for four days and had suffered a heart attack. That experience seemed to “scare” him, at least for a while. I always thought my son was one of the most savvy addicts, he would never overdose…ha, lesson has lasted for me, not so much for him. I do think the suboxone has helped, but he still chooses to stop the suboxone and use, then go back on the suboxone. A vicious cycle. He has been in rehab, homeless, in jail several times, currently on probation and so on. Addiction is one tough demon. I even obtained naloxone and the training to use it, just in case.
Last week he had several issues that were very stressful, he decided to use again, and he kept me up all night 3-4 nights, watching, listening, and worrying that he would overdose. When he uses I know it and I can’t just shut the door and go to sleep. I have an auto immune disease, caused and aggravated by stress (not surprised really) and it is really important that I can be peaceful at home so I can maintain my job. It felt like I had to make a decision to save myself.
I need to work on caring for myself. I have lost my path and my peace. It feels very hard to find. I am trying to return to my yoga and meditation practices, which I had lost. Not good now or ever at caring for me. And, I do miss him here, when sober anyway, he is a loving and strong son to have around which has been helpful as I have struggled with my illness. I guess we must be codependent, both of us. Not a good thing. Finding it hard to express why he must find a different place to live, my heart is breaking, but I think I must insist he do so.
No real support system, most friends have gone away, my parents deceased…the drama in my life too much for most folks, always something happening. Few meetings in my area but there are some. I keep it all to myself….
Again, thank you all, what a warm comforting feeling to find all these messages…off to work with me now…
Yes, this is one of the most difficult things to cope with. It’s been over 10 years so I have had plenty of time to become educated. And when I discovered he was addicted, I was one of those moms, you know, moving mountains to get him help…Over the years at times I have been distant, even moved to another state for awhile to try to get some distance. Other times I have been close, like the last three years, allowing him to live with me. I was a single mom all of his life, and we had a wonderful time. He was my main priority all those years and I truly loved every minute. So not only do I need to learn to cope with his addiction but also to learn to be me, not just my son’s mom, which has been delayed and complicated by the addiction. At times I have attended meetings, but not lately.
He has been seeing an addiction doctor and using suboxone since his overdose in July. He was in the hospital for four days and had suffered a heart attack. That experience seemed to “scare” him, at least for a while. I always thought my son was one of the most savvy addicts, he would never overdose…ha, lesson has lasted for me, not so much for him. I do think the suboxone has helped, but he still chooses to stop the suboxone and use, then go back on the suboxone. A vicious cycle. He has been in rehab, homeless, in jail several times, currently on probation and so on. Addiction is one tough demon. I even obtained naloxone and the training to use it, just in case.
Last week he had several issues that were very stressful, he decided to use again, and he kept me up all night 3-4 nights, watching, listening, and worrying that he would overdose. When he uses I know it and I can’t just shut the door and go to sleep. I have an auto immune disease, caused and aggravated by stress (not surprised really) and it is really important that I can be peaceful at home so I can maintain my job. It felt like I had to make a decision to save myself.
I need to work on caring for myself. I have lost my path and my peace. It feels very hard to find. I am trying to return to my yoga and meditation practices, which I had lost. Not good now or ever at caring for me. And, I do miss him here, when sober anyway, he is a loving and strong son to have around which has been helpful as I have struggled with my illness. I guess we must be codependent, both of us. Not a good thing. Finding it hard to express why he must find a different place to live, my heart is breaking, but I think I must insist he do so.
No real support system, most friends have gone away, my parents deceased…the drama in my life too much for most folks, always something happening. Few meetings in my area but there are some. I keep it all to myself….
Again, thank you all, what a warm comforting feeling to find all these messages…off to work with me now…
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hekate, I too am the mother of an addict and tried many many times to help him by letting him live at home...and not once did it have a good outcome for him or for me. "We" are not the solution, and as much as it hurts, the most loving thing we can do sometimes is to let them find their own way.
The Salvation Army has an excellent (and free) long term rehab, your son could find help there. Or at meetings, or through daytime out programs. There are so many resources for him if he is willing and if he is not then nothing you do or do not do will help.
What helps me is to say a prayer every morning asking God to take care of my son, to do for him what I cannot. And then I leave my son in God's hands as I go about living my day well.
My prayers go out for you and your son also, it's just very very hard to watch our children self-destruct.
Hugs
The Salvation Army has an excellent (and free) long term rehab, your son could find help there. Or at meetings, or through daytime out programs. There are so many resources for him if he is willing and if he is not then nothing you do or do not do will help.
What helps me is to say a prayer every morning asking God to take care of my son, to do for him what I cannot. And then I leave my son in God's hands as I go about living my day well.
My prayers go out for you and your son also, it's just very very hard to watch our children self-destruct.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 198
Hekate, I understand staying awake for fear of an overdose. My son finally entered rehab, but shortly before that he had come to our house, supposedly to detox from heroin. However, he had squirreled away drugs in various hiding places and on his person, and whenever the withdrawals got bad he would use again. We were so afraid that he would stop breathing, and my husband and I took turns sitting up with him. So scary.
Anyway, self-care is so important for those of us dealing with the addiction of a loved one. Hope you can get back into yoga and meditation. Also, you mentioned meetings. I know how hard it can be to get motivated to go to a meeting when you are feeling down, but that is the very time when reaching out is most important. SR is a great support system, too. Remember, you are not alone; even though we are not with you in person, the SR community is here for you.
Anyway, self-care is so important for those of us dealing with the addiction of a loved one. Hope you can get back into yoga and meditation. Also, you mentioned meetings. I know how hard it can be to get motivated to go to a meeting when you are feeling down, but that is the very time when reaching out is most important. SR is a great support system, too. Remember, you are not alone; even though we are not with you in person, the SR community is here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Thank you for sharing more about yourself. I wasn't surprised to hear of your medical condition. I also have medical issues that were caused by stress. And those issues were going to kill me if I didn't do something about it. Learning how to take care of me first was a priority. How on earth could I expect my son to take care of himself.....when I was not taking care of me.
Sometimes, we have to change things (such as the living arrangement) not because we are mean.....but out of self preservation. If nothing changes....well...nothing changes. I wasn't powerful enough to change my son....so I had to change me. If I hadn't changed, addiction would have won....two people.....instead of just one. I also remember.....early in my own recovery.....someone telling me that every time I enabled my son or did for him what he should be doing for himself, I was sending a powerful message to him that he is incapable. That was hard to hear.....from my perspective.....I was trying to save his life.
You have a good foundation of self care tools. Meditation and yoga (I love yoga!!). Meetings are great because the people there understand addiction.....almost all of my dearest friends are people I met in meetings. They are my support group beyond my family members. The folks here on SR.....are also incredibly supportive and understand addiction. They can become your friends.....you will be able to reach out to them here via PM once you have posted a few more times.
Other tools I use.....daily readers (I have a bunch of them on my iPhone so I can have them with me all the time....comes in handy). Music....I love music....it helps to elevate my mood. Dance....good music makes me move. Exercise.....to release the internal energy build up. I love pedicures and an occasional massage. But most of all....I really worked on reaching out to people from the meetings....going to coffee....and I also worked the 12 steps as though my life depended on it.....because for me.....it did.
I also found a great therapist who helped me develop coping skills. Whatever works for you is important. Perhaps it's time to begin really taking good care of you....it makes a huge difference....at least it did for me.
More folks will be along to welcome you.....have a great day!
gentle hugs
ke
Sometimes, we have to change things (such as the living arrangement) not because we are mean.....but out of self preservation. If nothing changes....well...nothing changes. I wasn't powerful enough to change my son....so I had to change me. If I hadn't changed, addiction would have won....two people.....instead of just one. I also remember.....early in my own recovery.....someone telling me that every time I enabled my son or did for him what he should be doing for himself, I was sending a powerful message to him that he is incapable. That was hard to hear.....from my perspective.....I was trying to save his life.
You have a good foundation of self care tools. Meditation and yoga (I love yoga!!). Meetings are great because the people there understand addiction.....almost all of my dearest friends are people I met in meetings. They are my support group beyond my family members. The folks here on SR.....are also incredibly supportive and understand addiction. They can become your friends.....you will be able to reach out to them here via PM once you have posted a few more times.
Other tools I use.....daily readers (I have a bunch of them on my iPhone so I can have them with me all the time....comes in handy). Music....I love music....it helps to elevate my mood. Dance....good music makes me move. Exercise.....to release the internal energy build up. I love pedicures and an occasional massage. But most of all....I really worked on reaching out to people from the meetings....going to coffee....and I also worked the 12 steps as though my life depended on it.....because for me.....it did.
I also found a great therapist who helped me develop coping skills. Whatever works for you is important. Perhaps it's time to begin really taking good care of you....it makes a huge difference....at least it did for me.
More folks will be along to welcome you.....have a great day!
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Dear Hekate, Another Mom who deals with this ugly beast. Our son is 24 (tomorrow!) and struggled with heroin and meth since 20. Still watching and waiting for the shoe to drop even though JJ appears to be working the program. Times come and go that I feel he is struggling. I am a codependent enabler, I would do anything to save my son. My husband and I began talking to our son in the last few weeks about moving out on his own. He has a job and STILL can't seem to save any money. Normal 23 and 24 year olds struggle with this issue but when they live on their own, they learn how to manage. If your son wants recovery, he knows where to find it. I know mine does too. the people in NA and AA are always there to help those in need. Us parents are their fallback.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: WA
Posts: 124
Oh, it's so hard. The hardest thing ever to watch the child you nurtured and protected fall into such a dangerous lifestyle. We are hard-wired to keep them safe, and, for some reason, God decided to not take away that instinct, even though they are grown.
My daughter is a heroin and meth addict. She will stop H for awhile (gets subx from other people), but will use meth to keep from going back to H. Makes no sense to me, whatsoever.
She claims she's on the waiting list for the clinic...but that isn't even a guarantee she will stop. The people she buys the suboxone from sell it so they can continue to use heroin. VICIOUS, vicious cycle.
You definitely did the right thing, in saving yourself. Like Kindeyes stated this can kill you. On Friday I'm having part of my colon removed due to a cancerous polyp. (It was very small, but flat, so they aren't taking chances.) I am certain this took root, partly, because my defenses are down and constant worry, panic, and heartache destroy your immune system. I've told my daughter that this is becoming dangerous to ME and that I have my own problems (when she called to ask for money to by subx) and she didn't seem phased. I know she's concerned, but her need to medicate herself takes precedent and I don't think she grasps the enormity of the situation.
I, honestly, don't know how to live with this in a happy medium - keeping our joy and health, but staying concerned for them. We, as moms, can't really turn our backs and not care about them anymore. It's just not going to happen. But how do you not obsess and worry so much when it's destroying them day by day? I have no answer, yet.
My daughter does not want to go to meetings or treatment - she simply wants the heroin substitute. Which makes me think, she doesn't want to deal with the demon and thus will never find peace and happiness. I find that so utterly sad.
Thanks for sharing your story...
My daughter is a heroin and meth addict. She will stop H for awhile (gets subx from other people), but will use meth to keep from going back to H. Makes no sense to me, whatsoever.
She claims she's on the waiting list for the clinic...but that isn't even a guarantee she will stop. The people she buys the suboxone from sell it so they can continue to use heroin. VICIOUS, vicious cycle.
You definitely did the right thing, in saving yourself. Like Kindeyes stated this can kill you. On Friday I'm having part of my colon removed due to a cancerous polyp. (It was very small, but flat, so they aren't taking chances.) I am certain this took root, partly, because my defenses are down and constant worry, panic, and heartache destroy your immune system. I've told my daughter that this is becoming dangerous to ME and that I have my own problems (when she called to ask for money to by subx) and she didn't seem phased. I know she's concerned, but her need to medicate herself takes precedent and I don't think she grasps the enormity of the situation.
I, honestly, don't know how to live with this in a happy medium - keeping our joy and health, but staying concerned for them. We, as moms, can't really turn our backs and not care about them anymore. It's just not going to happen. But how do you not obsess and worry so much when it's destroying them day by day? I have no answer, yet.
My daughter does not want to go to meetings or treatment - she simply wants the heroin substitute. Which makes me think, she doesn't want to deal with the demon and thus will never find peace and happiness. I find that so utterly sad.
Thanks for sharing your story...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Henryville Pa
Posts: 11
Thank you so much for your post. I have 3 girls, 2 recovering & 1 in rehab. On April 12th of last yr, my eldest informed of the youngest herion use. The next day when I went to confront her(she was out trying to pawn her wedding dress). A few minutes after I arrived Children & Youth pulled up right behind me ready to take my 2 & 5 yr old grandsons to foster care. Unitentionally I saved her from her bottom. fired, No job, being evicted & took her & husband in to my tiny home. They have both relapsed a few time, money has been missing etc. My choice now is so difficult right now - I must put my Grandsons 1st - when she calls tonight I am going to suggest she go to a half-way-house, hubby will not be coming back -as since they are both addicts - they need separation for awhile & work their own recovery. And she also has had 2 incidents with Xanx(toilet food) This time my 2nd eldest told me that they had both relapsed I feel like a fool that I didn't see it in my own home. I gave them 2 days to go to rehab, they both complied. When her hubby went to tell his boss he had to go to rehab, his boss said well ok, because I was gonna fire you today. Another bullet of reaching their bottom has again been avoided. Now do I say, leave, let me know when you have documented clean time. I do know I am sick & tired of playing drug police. What to do - what to do?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Henryville Pa
Posts: 11
Just one thing I failed to mentioned, if you have older children, tell them to speak up as soon as they realize one of their sibblings is have drug problems. My girls waited a few month's each time. I said to them, do you want a dead sister, or a pissed off sister, speak up your not kids anymore Thanks sorry it's so long
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern, MI
Posts: 5
Hello ... and thank you for the wonderful information and insight here. I was in tears reading this after work. I have many thoughts, but since I did not sleep last night and I am exhausted I will have to sleep first...I will probably end up awake at 3 am or some crazy thing. I wish I could get one real night of real sleep...maybe I will tonight.
Love and Hugz...
Love and Hugz...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Northern, MI
Posts: 5
Good Morning...early morning...lol been up since 1:30 am but at least the sleep from 8-1 am was good.
Ann - I have to agree, all these years his periods of living at home have not really helped. In fact, the one time he seemed to truly embrace recovery, all on his own, was when I ran away, literally...went to Canada and then the east coast. I finally came back because I missed my hometown. The cycle started over again. Thank you for the suggestions on treatment, he has been at most in the area, and the Salvation Army program here is limited, he would have to go downstate which he won't do.
Mayabee -oh, isn't it just terrible, listening near doors, staying on alert, just waiting for potential disaster. I find myself laying in bed, in desperate need of sleep, but telling myself to try to just "rest" because what if I fall asleep too soundly and something happens and he needs me. What if I need to administer the life saving naloxone that is in my nightstand...ugh! The night he overdosed I remember hearing a strange sound, it was almost like loud snoring, but not as regular...I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep...but I suddenly was compelled to get up, and went to find the source of the noise...he was not in his bedroom, he was on the kitchen floor, face down, and that noise, it was what they call agonal gasping...I will likely never forgot that...thank goodness I woke up...I hope that's not too graphic to write...
Kindeyes - thank you, so many good thoughts...I used to be so good at self care in so many ways, I was a very peaceful person and practiced meditation and yoga regularly, even during his addicted period. But two years ago my body started crashing...I have Graves disease, it’s an auto immune condition thought to be brought on by stress, and aggravated by stress. It has really complicated my life in so many ways. It makes it very difficult to be peaceful and affects so many things. But, I am working on it -
Hopeful4 - thank you so much...
Ilovemysonjj - I know, I also would do anything to save him, but I can't save him from the demon of addiction...if an intruder with a gun got in my house, I would certainly jump in front of my son to take the bullet, given that chance...but with addiction, the bullets just keep coming, no matter how many we take for them...and the money, oh yeah, he has gotten better over the years, and does work, but never any money to pay the relatively small amount of rent he agreed to...
YouWillBe-My son sounds just like your daughter, he does those same things...and yes, our bodies start to give out, in so many ways the stress creates dis-ease...and they can't care, they are too enmeshed in their own issues. I have not found the way to consistently live with this either, I do seem to be better when he is not here however...but that has its own type of stress...
Pocononana - oh my, so complicated for you with grand kids involved...my son is my only child, but he did have a baby in 2005, I took her for a short time, but then the court terminated parental rights because my son and his GF were making no progress. I had to let her go, grandma's have no rights and no say with our courts, all I could have done was fight to adopt her, but felt she would be better away from them. Still breaks my heart...one of those decisions I am not sure was best, but it's the one I made...she is doing well now and I hope to see her sometime in the future when she is grown up and can make her own decisions...I hope your daughters find their path to recovery, for you and your grand kids sake...
Wow, this is long, sorry…just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your kind thoughts and sharing. I needed this so badly right now. I am feeling better and less alone. I will eventually go to meetings again, but have been in hermit mode, going to break out of that soon.
I do have to say that I have seen my son grow and make some progress through this journey. I have to remember it is his journey and all I can do is love him, but must also love me. That is my current priority…
When I find my peace, as I have in the past, I am grateful that I am my son's mom, because I know he needs the love that I can give him. In so many ways, he is my hero, because in spite of this terrible disease of addiction, he keeps going, he keeps trying and for that I am truly thankful...
Bless you all…with love and hugz…
Ann - I have to agree, all these years his periods of living at home have not really helped. In fact, the one time he seemed to truly embrace recovery, all on his own, was when I ran away, literally...went to Canada and then the east coast. I finally came back because I missed my hometown. The cycle started over again. Thank you for the suggestions on treatment, he has been at most in the area, and the Salvation Army program here is limited, he would have to go downstate which he won't do.
Mayabee -oh, isn't it just terrible, listening near doors, staying on alert, just waiting for potential disaster. I find myself laying in bed, in desperate need of sleep, but telling myself to try to just "rest" because what if I fall asleep too soundly and something happens and he needs me. What if I need to administer the life saving naloxone that is in my nightstand...ugh! The night he overdosed I remember hearing a strange sound, it was almost like loud snoring, but not as regular...I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep...but I suddenly was compelled to get up, and went to find the source of the noise...he was not in his bedroom, he was on the kitchen floor, face down, and that noise, it was what they call agonal gasping...I will likely never forgot that...thank goodness I woke up...I hope that's not too graphic to write...
Kindeyes - thank you, so many good thoughts...I used to be so good at self care in so many ways, I was a very peaceful person and practiced meditation and yoga regularly, even during his addicted period. But two years ago my body started crashing...I have Graves disease, it’s an auto immune condition thought to be brought on by stress, and aggravated by stress. It has really complicated my life in so many ways. It makes it very difficult to be peaceful and affects so many things. But, I am working on it -
Hopeful4 - thank you so much...
Ilovemysonjj - I know, I also would do anything to save him, but I can't save him from the demon of addiction...if an intruder with a gun got in my house, I would certainly jump in front of my son to take the bullet, given that chance...but with addiction, the bullets just keep coming, no matter how many we take for them...and the money, oh yeah, he has gotten better over the years, and does work, but never any money to pay the relatively small amount of rent he agreed to...
YouWillBe-My son sounds just like your daughter, he does those same things...and yes, our bodies start to give out, in so many ways the stress creates dis-ease...and they can't care, they are too enmeshed in their own issues. I have not found the way to consistently live with this either, I do seem to be better when he is not here however...but that has its own type of stress...
Pocononana - oh my, so complicated for you with grand kids involved...my son is my only child, but he did have a baby in 2005, I took her for a short time, but then the court terminated parental rights because my son and his GF were making no progress. I had to let her go, grandma's have no rights and no say with our courts, all I could have done was fight to adopt her, but felt she would be better away from them. Still breaks my heart...one of those decisions I am not sure was best, but it's the one I made...she is doing well now and I hope to see her sometime in the future when she is grown up and can make her own decisions...I hope your daughters find their path to recovery, for you and your grand kids sake...
Wow, this is long, sorry…just wanted to say thank you to everyone for your kind thoughts and sharing. I needed this so badly right now. I am feeling better and less alone. I will eventually go to meetings again, but have been in hermit mode, going to break out of that soon.
I do have to say that I have seen my son grow and make some progress through this journey. I have to remember it is his journey and all I can do is love him, but must also love me. That is my current priority…
When I find my peace, as I have in the past, I am grateful that I am my son's mom, because I know he needs the love that I can give him. In so many ways, he is my hero, because in spite of this terrible disease of addiction, he keeps going, he keeps trying and for that I am truly thankful...
Bless you all…with love and hugz…
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
Posts: 731
Such a supportive group! Just wanted to know that I agree with all of the posters. I understand what it's like to kick your young adult out of your home-same day with no warning. I used to give a warning (to my revolving door) but it didn't matter to her/him (yes both of my kids I've had to do this).
I used to think that kicking them out would promote their abuse/destruction etc. I find that they were on their way and it didn't matter where they lived.
I used to think that kicking them out would promote their abuse/destruction etc. I find that they were on their way and it didn't matter where they lived.
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