SilentLove

What if I kept my mouth shut about my ex fiance's relapse, would it have kept us together? What if I played along with the story that he was experiencing all the symptoms of a flu and not withdrawals?

I know you are all going to tell me to accept it and move on. For the most part, I have. I've gone on dates, to counseling, and have been focusing on myself. Sometimes though, I just can't seem shake the thought of him in my head. The memories still linger and though time has gone by, I feel that my emotions are still really raw.

I miss the person i fell in love with. I wish his parents weren't so controlling of his life. I wish he would man up and leave the family business to go to rehab, back to school to earn his degree, and make a life of his own. He is too young to feel the type of pressure he is right now from his family. If only wishes came true...

Just venting. I feel better now. Hope everyone is having a great day.

AnvilheadII

depends...you wanna live in the REAL world or the made up one where absolutely everything goes exactly the way you want it to all the time every day??? think hard about that, cuz that means you must be in control of EVERYTHING.....on the planet and in the Universe. not JUST the part of life that affects you...because it's all connected.

as it is, he's still drinking, right? so IF you had played pretend and IGNORED it, he'd still be drinking. he DOES let his parents run his life, works for them, is enabled by them.

all you want him to do is MAN UP, break free of them, go to rehab, go to school, earn a degree, get a real job and be a smashing success in life. and THEN he'll be the guy for you.


gee? is that all????????????

hopeful4

What if...sure...it would have also driven you crazy to the point of misery. Don't forget that for a second. You miss the idea of who he could have been, not who he turned out to be.

I am sorry.

SilentLove

Thanks guys. I know what I should do. Btw, curiosity took over and I found out that he got into another relationship.. Is it normal for addicts to jump from one relationship to another? I am so upset because his actions contradict what he said to me when we broke up!! i cannot contain this anger.. do addicts get into relationships because they want the high of a fresh relationship or is it to mask their problems?! Someone please enlighten me..

blackandblue

I could be wrong but from my experience there are only two options. One they want someone who will support them and not hassle them while they get loaded. Two, they want someone to join them (misery loves company). This requires an addict or a codependent. Same thing really.

Ann

It is common for those actively addicted to go from one relationship to another. It makes them feel good at first, then the same problems appear, the same results occur and they move on to the next one. Not one of these relationships have any substance, and quality because it's the sick needing the sick and that's how it turns out each time.

Don't be one of "the sick", you don't have to be if you work on yourself and figure out why you are attracted to a man who is active in drug addiction. He is no longer the person you thought you knew. My son is no longer the person he was before addiction. No matter how much we wish it was so, it simply is not and we need to move past it.

I know this is a painful time for you. I hope you can do some quality work on yourself and heal and be wiser for the experience.

Hugs

SilentLove

Blackandblue, that's what I figured. Since this girl is in another country, there's no way she could regulate or check up on him as I did. He probably didn't even tell her half of his past. I don't know if her being extremely religious will help him in his recovery at all. he's probably just trying to start from a clean slate. oh well, best wishes to him.

Ann, you are right. I need to continue to work on myself and not let his actions affect me anymore. he's not the person I fell in love with albeit I wish he was. Addiction is not a joke and I fully believe that now.

BlueChair

Is he having a long distance relationship with someone in another country, or is he himself in that country with her? If hes not even "here" maybe that explains his moving on?

SilentLove

I am 90% sure he is here. There's no way his family would allow him to leave the family business to be with someone in another country especially with the grip they have on him after the relapse. It's a long distance relationship that I feel he is in solely to mask his problems.

BlueChair

Im sorry all sounds very strange must be hard to process. Maybe they have him locked down so tight its his only outlet !!

Angel1234

I needed to read this today. I've been playing alot of "what ifs" in my head over the last few months and playing things over and over in my head. I try as hard as I can to shut it off when it does happen. The end result would have been the same. He would still be on drugs.

I thought I was reading about my ex when I read your post. I said to myself what if he left the family business, what if he detached from his addict/mentally disordered/ insane/controlling family, what if he really did go back to school, what if I really did give him more of a chance when he got out of jail to prove himself, on and on and on and on.

In the end, it wouldn't matter. He would still be on drugs. Thanks for posting this today. I needed the reminder.