BlueChair

Im going through the same things right now in my life. My husband is in recovery but a lot of damage was done while he was using cocaine even an affair. Im doing counseling and what Ive discovered for me its not so much about codependency when I worry about him, or feel the need to hear his voice during the day. Its coming from my own fears, and also reminders of the past and the emotions I felt so strongly. I need a level of reassurance the bad things arent happening again. It helps to work with my husband, and we are doing family therapy together and we talk a lot. I cant say its even about anything specific but it takes on its own form, and we end up sharing about how we feel, where we are each at in processing all thats happened. Regaining trust takes time Im discovering. We have made progress, sometimes I know it hurts him because Im still stuck on things and he has moved past them but I have to go at my own pace and he does respect that for which Im grateful. I have started some threads about getting to acceptance, here is one of them I updated earlier today:
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2147-fear.html

hopeful4

i completely understand, I too work full time and have two kids. I don't trust my AH so I drive them everywhere myself. It's very busy, like living as a single mom. However, I have realized I may lose my own sanity if I don't see the therapist. If I don't keep myself in sound body and mind how can I take care of my kids?

KF85

Im doing counseling and what Ive discovered for me its not so much about codependency when I worry about him, or feel the need to hear his voice during the day. Its coming from my own fears, and also reminders of the past and the emotions I felt so strongly.

I would love to do counseling on my own but also to do counseling with me. He is adverse to the idea of counseling because I think he doesn't want to sit there and have anyone tell him what he doesn't want to hear. I know when I do even in an easy manner he shuts right off.

hopeful4

We tried it a couple of times together. He could not deal with it b/c he still cannot accept the reality of what he has done to himself and our family. It was a complete waste of time and $. I learned that quickly. He was being "ganged up" on. Um, no, he was not. It was only truth and he has a very hard time accepting any of that.

I had to see it for myself, but now I know. That does not mean I don't need it for myself. I definitely do, and will continue to go and be an adovcate for myself and my children.

KF85

Hopeful I definitely see we have much in common Feels nice not to feel alone.

hopeful4

I agree. SR always grounds me because when I start to think that everyone has a nice little life except me and it's only my family with a messed up life, I remember SR. It always always makes me sad that this is what brings us all together instead of some great thing we have in common. I have received so much support here and truly don't know what I would do without it. PM me anytime you need a buddy!