Just checking in
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 111
Just checking in
Hi guys,
I had a typical relationship fight with RABF last night after he came home from the meetings. We actually been fighting quite a bit in the past few days. Nothing about drugs or alcohol, just conflicts we have in the relationship. It was intense last night. I ended up went up to the bedroom and he was sleeping in the living room. I could heard he called up his sponsor and talked. I didn't want to know or talk last night. So I closed the door, watched some TVs and fell asleep. This morning, he got up early and took the bus to work. And I pretended I was still sleeping and got up after he left.
I just want to tell you guys (or reassure to myself) that I will be fine. I am going to pick up my daughter after work and dinner with her (I usually have her during weekends). I will not worry about him getting frustrated that might cause him to use or drink again. If it did happen, I did not cause it.
It's nice to have this place, I do not have any friend to talk to if I have problem with him anymore since none of my friend will put up with troubleness of my relationship with him since they know he was a drug addict. But I need someone to listen to me sometimes.
I had a typical relationship fight with RABF last night after he came home from the meetings. We actually been fighting quite a bit in the past few days. Nothing about drugs or alcohol, just conflicts we have in the relationship. It was intense last night. I ended up went up to the bedroom and he was sleeping in the living room. I could heard he called up his sponsor and talked. I didn't want to know or talk last night. So I closed the door, watched some TVs and fell asleep. This morning, he got up early and took the bus to work. And I pretended I was still sleeping and got up after he left.
I just want to tell you guys (or reassure to myself) that I will be fine. I am going to pick up my daughter after work and dinner with her (I usually have her during weekends). I will not worry about him getting frustrated that might cause him to use or drink again. If it did happen, I did not cause it.
It's nice to have this place, I do not have any friend to talk to if I have problem with him anymore since none of my friend will put up with troubleness of my relationship with him since they know he was a drug addict. But I need someone to listen to me sometimes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 111
This is really an awesome site. I have been reading posts today. It suddenly kicks in my mind that my dearest codependency might came back.
The relationship problem I was talking about was about my RABF happened to ignore my conversation or the time we spent together because he was too busy replying text message from one of his old "female" friend. A friend that he liked so much before he met me. But also a friend was mistreated him too. He offered her money to rent a limo to host her b-day party, but refused to invite him. The reputation of that girl was not that good too. Couple of his old friends told me she was a "whxxx", she basically slept with all guys in their group of friends and even she was in a relationship with someone. I don't know her, and I don't know his old group of friends well too because they are all either alcoholics or addicts. So I dunno what I heard can be trust or not. Anyway, apparently she had problems with her bf and mistreated by her family. And my RABF thinks he can "help" her to back to her own track or something like that. But I don't feel comfortable about this situation. Especially he liked her before and her reputation. So one evening, while he was playing board game with my daughter and me. He was distracted by her text messages and I kept on had to wait when it was his turn. So I was really upset about it. Then couple small things added up. We had a fight. The next morning, I told him how I felt. He told me he was lonely before he met me and he does not "like" her anything. He just wants to help a friend.
Fast forward to that night, he told me he will going to have a coffee with that girl the next day. I told him I was not comfortable about it that they meet up, especially I don't know her but also about what heard of her. So if he really wanted to help her and they did want to meet up, I would like to come along. Also, I do not like he uses my car to give another girl a ride while I'm not there.
After my request, the tension has been built up since then. He feels like I don't trust him. But I did not want to step down.
Now, after my post readings today, I am not sure if my codependency problem kicks back that I wanted to control him not seeing that friend. Well, what I'm thinking is if he really wants to talk to her or meet her up even though he knows it will upset me. Nothing I can do. I cannot control someone's action. I should just let it go if I don't like someone's action.
Just a thought.
The relationship problem I was talking about was about my RABF happened to ignore my conversation or the time we spent together because he was too busy replying text message from one of his old "female" friend. A friend that he liked so much before he met me. But also a friend was mistreated him too. He offered her money to rent a limo to host her b-day party, but refused to invite him. The reputation of that girl was not that good too. Couple of his old friends told me she was a "whxxx", she basically slept with all guys in their group of friends and even she was in a relationship with someone. I don't know her, and I don't know his old group of friends well too because they are all either alcoholics or addicts. So I dunno what I heard can be trust or not. Anyway, apparently she had problems with her bf and mistreated by her family. And my RABF thinks he can "help" her to back to her own track or something like that. But I don't feel comfortable about this situation. Especially he liked her before and her reputation. So one evening, while he was playing board game with my daughter and me. He was distracted by her text messages and I kept on had to wait when it was his turn. So I was really upset about it. Then couple small things added up. We had a fight. The next morning, I told him how I felt. He told me he was lonely before he met me and he does not "like" her anything. He just wants to help a friend.
Fast forward to that night, he told me he will going to have a coffee with that girl the next day. I told him I was not comfortable about it that they meet up, especially I don't know her but also about what heard of her. So if he really wanted to help her and they did want to meet up, I would like to come along. Also, I do not like he uses my car to give another girl a ride while I'm not there.
After my request, the tension has been built up since then. He feels like I don't trust him. But I did not want to step down.
Now, after my post readings today, I am not sure if my codependency problem kicks back that I wanted to control him not seeing that friend. Well, what I'm thinking is if he really wants to talk to her or meet her up even though he knows it will upset me. Nothing I can do. I cannot control someone's action. I should just let it go if I don't like someone's action.
Just a thought.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 845
Gabriel, it's true, I think that a lot of people would see trying to control his decisions as codependency, but you CAN control what you are willing to accept in your life. Some people call these "boundaries," in other words they are rules about how you will deal with other people. One example of a boundary would be: "I will not lend my boyfriend my car to spend time with another woman." I think it's totally reasonable to tell him that you're not willing to lend him your car for that. Just my opinion! Good luck!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: BC
Posts: 111
Picked up my daughter. Went to the mall and bought her a new pair of runners. Ordered some sushi take-out. Now eating these delicious sushi & watching the hockey game. I saw him got pick up by his sponsor when I drove back home. Guess he won't back until 10 or later. Or maybe not coming back. But I'm going to relax tonight. Not going to do any housework as usual. And I told my boss I will go to work couple hours late tmr morning because I will drop my daughter off to school tmr. Hope I can keep this mood & relax the whole night tonight 
(& I will keep coming back here tonight too)
(& I will keep coming back here tonight too)
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