Fitchicky

Anvilhead- you have a way of saying thing to make them really hit home!

Fitchicky

Hi Sickofitall09-

Your story is so similar to mine I just have to add some words to make you feel sane. I know what you are going through.

My AH is my boyfriend from high school- we were so much in love and could lock ourselves in the house for days on end and watch movies and just be with each other. So when he gradually began to change, I noticed that something just wasn't quite right I would ask him about little things; disappearing at random times, staying out all night claiming to have a flat tire and none of the stories were logical to me. Then I questioned the big things; the TV went missing, the computer, the camera, his wedding ring... They were all getting repaired at the same time and he SWORE on his life... He was such a good liar, wow. Academy award material, really. The stories just weren't right... So I started investigating... I found shards of copper steel wool in his pockets all of the time- crack, yes- CRACK. I thought I would have a nervous breakdown. I have 3 kids and I can't have a crack user around my children; I had a breakdown. I found little pieces of glass all over his car, apparently they break these little pipes after they are done, some baking soda and the bottom of the ripped soda can that he used to cook it in his car. I was devastated, not only because he denied it, but because he called me crazy and bi-polar.

Well after cycling using and not using for a year, he moved out saying that he can't be both things- he needs to think about what he wants.... He was using because the kids and I made him use because he was unhappy, I'm a bad mother..blah blah... So he's off deciding whether he wants crack or a family. Really? He doesn't get that choice. The sober one gets to choose the path for what's left of the family. Confronting it only made him insane with rage and on a couple of occasions resulted in domestic abuse.

Bottom line- if you ware feeling it then it's there. It took me a long time to break- he's been gone for 7 weeks and he doesn't seem to care about me or the kids, but now he's hanging out with people who I know are using crack it's a slippery slope.

CarrieBear

Good comments and agree. My fiance bought some drug tests and said he wants.me to use them on him. He thinks it will help him stay.strong, havent used one yet but your right we have a one year old and Im the sober one, our home has rules or it should, IT WILL.

Fitchicky

I did that too and when it came down to taking a test he refused and called it humiliating and walked out, locked himself in a hotel and smoked 1,000.00 of our bill money. Just know that is part of the manipulation. Wow this while story is déjà vu.

sickofitall9

Just saw the latest replies. I came back here because.... well he came to visit. He says he's getting help, and I hope he does. Last week he came by to run the dog: we don't have a yard and she's very energetic and needs continuous exercise. Of course, I'm the most stable to keep her so he comes here to take her for runs. Anyway, last week he came by and I said I was going to the store. I came home and he had gone through everything! What was I thinking!!! He was looking for evidence to use against me. Like cheating or something. But why would I leave him alone in the house! While I was at the store I was thinking... he's probably doing something nice for me. Another stupid mistake. But it only CONFIRMED my decision that this is obviously NOT what I want. Its just hard. He continues to party and here I am dealing with reality and work all the damn time. My family did say that I am now much more calmer and seem happier now that my "home" life is not in such disarray. Need to change the locks though. I bought them, but I'm scared to do it since he might flip out on me. So I guess divorce is right around the block, 5 months to go.... what's the deal with money and divorce when you have a loser husband that barely works and has ton of debt? Am I going to have to pay him alimony?? What about retirement funds?? We were married for 5 years, no kids. The last 3 years, I had to pay for everything bc he spent it (plus some-DEBT) on drugs. This is so pathetic. When I type it out, it's like it comes true. WHY did I get married/???!!!! Can't wait to get out of this!

sickofitall9

By the way, a drug test did exactly what I needed it to.... tell the truth. So I could decide which move to make with a clear conscious for myself, and I did.

cynical one

When he was going through everything he may have been looking for things like credit card statements that have the number on them or spare checks. You may want to keep a close eye online on your finances. Also, I would go thru my checks to make sure checks weren't taken out of the middle of the book.

needingabreak

I hope you find peace as the time goes by and you come to a good place where you can move on and now enjoy your life and do things for yourself, not anyone else. Sounds like you are doing well so far. I am glad to read he didn't give you a hard time and is ok with it. I hope he seeks help and can quit for good.
God Bless you.

KeepinItReal

He is def. trying to find things to scam you. Is he willing to divorce??

Good luck. XOXOXO

Hawkeye13

I agree with the "check the statements and checks" suggestion strongly.

Don't hesitate to change the locks and make things more offical.

I would consider changing any credit card numbers / account numbers etc. if there is any chance he could have gotten them. Once he knows you are moving forward, he may try to use them for cash. Protect yourself and I'm sorry you had to put up with all this.

sickofitall9

I bought new locks and am afraid to change them. I don't want to set him off in any way. I feel like I need to keep the peace until the papers are done. Not sure why? I still feel like a prisoner. Guess I should've gotten a new place. Then he would not feel entitled to walk in here whenever he pleases. Lesson learned! Worst part is none of our friends know about his addiction and they seem to be taking his "side" in all this. No one has called to see if I'm ok. Wow! Really? Ok.... serious wakeup call. Our friends are not "my" friends apparently. But that's ok, I will be strong and still move on. I still have my family. He says he's getting treatment, but then going out every night?? How does that work?? Obviously, now that he is "free" he is doing what he really wants to be doing, which is partying. Anyway..... I will move on and get stronger. Thanks guys.

sickofitall9

He already called me his "ex-wife" so he definitely knows where this is headed. I need to set up a meeting with an attorney, just having a hard time making the call.