aef0920

Thank you. I'm just so hurt right now. I feel like such crap.

AnvilheadII

you are not crap. I bet you do feel pretty beat up inside tho. take good care of yourself. rest, eat some good wholesome food. go sit in the sun. take the kids to the beach or the park or turn on the sprinkler and watch them run thru it. put on some nice music. start a garden or buy some cut flowers that are pretty and smell nice. FEED your senses with GOOD.

aef0920

....why do I care so much about this man and so little about myself? I am hurting so much. I feel like my dreams of us having a family together are shattered. He shattered them. I am sad that once he's gone he will sleep with someone else, and she will get the good in him. At least for a few months. He's good at disguising things. I wish I could just make him better! He is so far gone... His thieving and everything. He's going to end up back in prison. I feel so useless. He doesn't even seem like he wants sex anymore from me. It's all about the drugs...so sad and hurt. I hate this..

AnvilheadII

a good dose of REALITY is the antidote for Magical Thinking:

since I have met him I have had a car repossessed, and been evicted from my apartment, which he is now squatting in because he has no where to go, and I refuse to let him stay with my parents and I... We have a beautiful daughter together who is 14 months old...and I have a 16 year old from a previous relationship. He has lied to me every day, stolen money from me, DVD players, diapers, Nintendo game systems, an ipod, 2 cell phones...oh and a Victoria's Secret backpack that I got for my 16 year old for Christmas. He has taken my car, and stayed out all night with it, a couple times making me late for work. When I met him he had been in prison for 17 years on and off for robbery, but me being the kind hearted person that I am, I gave him a chance. He has been verbally and emotionally abusive.

you HAVE a family, you HAVE two children, you HAVE parents who love you and are providing you with safety, security and shelter.

neferkamichael

Aef, I so hope this post sinks in quickly and you gather the courage to leave him behind, there is no need for you to suffer any longer.

YearForMe

When I was told this....it made a huge change in my way of thinking....


The negative force has ahold of him....ie: THE ENEMY.....aka The Devil

Don't let the Enemy get ahold of you too....

All of your negative thinking....

....The Enemy is laughing...saying "come to me my little pretty....and bring your children too....."

aef0920

That is pretty scary to think about. It IS evil.

Sara21

I recently filed for divorce from my AH and can understand how you feel. I also thought we were going to have a future and a family, but the drugs destroyed that. I've had to mourn our relationship and our future because it's gone. I finally had to accept things the WAY THEY WERE and not how I wanted them to be. Otherwise I wouldn't be living in reality. I needed to be honest about my life and I realized it was not the life I wanted to live.

Was it easy? Hell no. But I have peace in my heart and peace in my home. Now I look back and see how messed up my life was and all the things I put up with trying to save my marriage. It's hard to see when you're right in the middle of it, but I think once you have some distance from him and the situation you'll be able to see things more clearly.

Hugs

aef0920

Thank you all. I know this is the right thing to do. I miss HIM but HE is gone. Or may who I originally met was the fake.

aef0920

Maybe.

lesliej

if you really see who he is now then you just have to go through your own withdrawals...be kind to yourself, get lots of love and support where you can find it and keep processing here...now you will understand why a lot of us have hundreds and thousands of posts...we all need help and support and love. it just isn't easy to quit the addiction...our own that is.
that's why there are meetings and websites and books and movies and everything else...
we all need support
we all know how hard it is
but it is so much much harder to stay in relationship with someone who is addicted to crack
the sooner you start the process the sooner you will get better!
I started here in November 2012 and it was not easy...but now I feel so so so so much better. life is good. life is good. life is GOOD!! SO so so so so much better.
and back then I was devastated and heart broken. I just had to trust those who had gone before me, that it would get better. And believe me...it most certainly does.
thank god I made the decision.
and I still think about him...and that is okay. he lives in my heart now and that is okay.
god bless him...I know he is still suffering and struggling, but that is not my life any more.
peace.

aef0920

Thank you all...