MRSH4

Well isnt the first one something you cannot expect? Promises that cannot be kept at first? Our son is newly 19 and at the moment, we still think we might have a small percentage of words that sink in and we would like to give guidance until we can hopefully get him to admit he needs help.....

Lovenjoy

Thanks BeavsDad! I wanted to ask you the same question and your response is simple and to the point. The first one I have been sorta putting in place by telling AS that I will support recovery and only recovery. Your brief statement is much more of a boundary. The second one I have only hinted at with 'why are you yelling'. Again, your's is more clear cut. Which I think is important, especially in his early recovery when his brain is still active even if he's not using.

I have high hopes for my son. (pun not intended!) I get very fearful and that tends to make the situation worse and I am learning that boundaries are important for all of us.

Wondered if you and your family worked on codependency and got help for yourselves during all this? Actually am full of questions for you! Your story has uplifted me immensely!

I know my recovery is something that has become a forever thing for me, one day at a time, so am sending warm thoughts to your son and you that your path stays bright!

BeavsDad

Actually it's quite obvious once you open your eyes.

My boundaries were not set in stone immediately. They came after I learned that I was codependent and I started working on myself. I learned just about everything by reading here. I tried a meeting and it wasn't for me.

My son's real drug/court issues started at 17. At 19 he attended Out Patient Rehab and that's where he was introduced to NA/AA and a system of recovery. He relapsed after a few good months but it took me a long time to consider kicking him out. That's when I started reading here and realized that I was addicted to my addict.

We went through the "cycle" of recovery-relapse-kicked out-bottom out-move back in, a couple times until he was 21. I remember talking to him on the front porch in Jun 2011. He showed up with nowhere to go, no money and was asking to just stay 1 night. I was able to say "If you choose recovery, we can help you. If you don't, you need to leave." I believe that he knew that I meant it. Each time I kicked hime out during the "cycles", the time from his infraction to actually asking him to leave shortened a lot.

He chose to call his sponsor that night. He has been in recovery since then. We did decide to break the cycle the last time though. We got him into a Sober Living Environment (SLE) and he stayed there for 6 months before moving into a place with an AA friend for a year and a half. He is back home now and attending EMT classes pursuing a career as a fireman.

Even though he has 2+ years sober, we made sure the boudaries were clear when he moved back in.

I wish that we would have considered an SLE earlier on. They were able to hold him accountable in ways that we couldn't.

Feel free to PM me.

BeavsDad

Today marks 3 years of active recovery for my son. (24)

He moved back in with us last July so he could go back to school.
He has earned his EMT certificate and is registered for another semester.

I really enjoy having him around.
I had to take in my 16 yr old nephew this year when my mom passed, and my son is a great influence on him.

The pain and disappointment of my son's active addiction period has dulled over time.
Because I realize that he will always be an addict and that his story can change on a dime, I still read here several times a week to help avoid putting on my rose colored glasses.
It may be a bit cynical, but it's what I need right now.

Here's to 3 yrs and 1 day...

MRSH4

Your post brings tears to my eyes. A hope I needed today. I am happy for your son and your family

Lovenjoy

crying here with gratitude and hope! and grinning through the tears! thank you so much for the update. my son chose recovery 1 year ago next week. he has never gone back out but medical issues have made it tough over the past few months. he has embraced recovery and is doing so much better. so much better. i have embraced my recovery and am also doing much better.

you were one of the first parents on SR to reach out to me when i arrived here broken... you gave me hope of a better life for both myself and my son. i sincerely thank you.

whoot, whoot!!! congrats to your son on 3 years of recovery! that is truly awesome and made my day!

bellanoviella

There's nothing more encouraging then a success story!! So happy for you all! I hope things continue to go so well

hopeful4

Yay for all of you. That is super great news. And you are very calm and sound in your boundaries, that is part of their success.

Have a happy happy day!

XXX

needingabreak

Congratulations on your son's three years clean!! That is really something to celebrate! We need more success stories. Every day people decide to get clean. So thankful for the happy posts. God bless you and your son.

GardenMama

What great news! I need all these stories I can get right now...thank you and all the best to you and the two young men you have in your home/heart.

greeteachday

Thanks for taking the time to update and congrats to your son on his continued success! Wonderful that he is a great influence on your nephew.

I too think that SLE is a better alternative than mom and dad for a newly recovered child, and it sounds as if it really worked out well with your son. Better for them and better for us too. I hope you and your family continue to live a life filled with blessings.

Ann

I love good news, BeavsDad, and am so happy your son is doing well and moving forward with his life. I am glad you are living well too and not living in fear of "what if". "What IS" is wonderful sobriety, and that's worth celebrating.

Hugs

HopefulmomtoD

Thanks for sharing your son's continued success. My now 24 year old son is around 1.5 years sober- and, you're words echo why I stick around, too.

Ilovemysonjj

Great News Beav's Dad! My son is still struggling but sober now! We learned a hard lesson letting him come home right from rehab. He's now working his recovery without a safety net (living at home) and it is so much better for us all! Thank you so much for sharing. Its comforting and encouraging to us all!
TT

BeavsDad

My son (25) has been in active recovery for 4+ years now and I couldn’t be more proud of him.
He still attends meetings, donates his time to service projects, and regularly sponsors 2-4 people.
He works hard, pays rent, and I still enjoy having him around. We have a proper parent/young adult relationship.
He’s got all of his fireman stuff done and is now on the interview carousel.
He’ll probably move out once he gets picked up by a station.
I’ll miss him but I won’t worry (too much).
Here’s to one more day…

AnvilheadII

THANK YOU for the wonderful update!

Ann

Yes, thank you for sharing your joy and your son's recovery. Next time you hug him, give him an extra squeeze for all the mamas and dads here who know all you have gone through and are very proud of both of you.

You made my day, sharing all this. Thank you.

Hugs

Dee74

thats terrific Beav'sDad

D

GardenMama

So happy to hear all this good news! Thanks for coming on and sharing. My RAD is 16 months clean with an 8 week old baby girl. She and her husband are working their recovery and doing so well. Each day is a blessing.

BeavsDad

My son (26) just passed 5 years of active recovery a couple of days ago.

He doesn't make a big deal about it, usually just a veiled thankful Facebook post.
It was nice to see all the replies to his post and to know that he had/has a lot of support.
There was even one from one of his first sponsees who has 3 years of recovery now.

He's been moved out of our house for 6 months now, not because we wanted him to leave but because he wants live with one of his friends before he settles down later on. We miss having him around.

He is still in active recovery. He still goes to meetings/events and sponsors people. I truly believe that it keeps him on the path.

I will be forever truly grateful to this forum for helping me realize that I was codependent, addicted to my addict, and I was too paralyzed by it to make healthy decisions for me, my wife and my son. Once I started fixing me, we all got healthier. Weird how that works...