broken101

I am beginning to question my Higher Power more than ever now. What is it with evil always wining?

I just learnt that I have Herpes 1. I was tested August last year after my ex left and I was clean. He came back in October and we broke up in January and now this??

How come this evil man keep wining??? what have I done? I only gave my best financially emotionally mentally every way possible and now this??

Please my SR family if you are in a questionable relationship RUN RUN FAR AWAY YOU SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO QUESTION ANYONE'S LOVE FOR YOU...

I am really broken and lost now......please help me

zoso77

Oh, my God...

Broken, I am so, so sorry. I don't know what to say...

EverHopeful721

I'm so sorry you are going through this, broken. I was just at my doctor's last week and had myself tested for STD's, but have not gotten the results back yet. Please don't blame yourself - the only thing you did was trust and love somebody who cares for nothing but his drug. Sending hugs.

zoso77

Do you have friends you can spend time with today?

shinebright7

((hugs))

I was diagnosed a few years ago with a chronic health condition that impacts my life in a lot of ways.

At least once a year for the last 5 years it has put me in the hospital for anywhere from 3 days to 3 weeks at a time.

While not an STD, when my condition is flared up, it is painful. There is medicine that I can take to manage my situation, but there is nothing, so far, that cures this condition...or disease as they call it.

I'm sharing this with you to say that the physiological aspects of having a chronic condition can be dealt with.

It's no fun to have herpes and it's no fun to have what I have.

But I and millions of other people manage to find their way through life despite our respective physical conditions and ones that are much worse than these too.

So putting the physical part aside for a moment...

You're likely not just feeling anger and outrage about the diagnosis and how it came about, but tons of emotions for ALL the stuff that you've been through with your now ex boyfriend over the time you've been together.

This is just like the BIG straw on the camel's back that is making you say WTF!?

This is going to be an emotional time for you. You're going to go through a lot of them and they might change from moment to moment.

If you can know that this is going to be an emotional time, and kind of expect that, then you don't have to be so surprised when you find yourself melting down or feeling super angry.

Hang in there and keep sharing and doing the things you know to do to take care of yourself.

Maybe even crawl under the covers and get cozy and just let yourself cry until you stop...then remind yourself of the serenity prayer and focus on your breathing.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change.
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I'm sorry you're going through such painful stuff right now, but you're gonna be okay, Broken101. xo

ncgirl2323

I'm sorry!

broken101

EverHopeful
When you do get your results are hope they are negative and all is good.

Thanks Zoso
And no not anyone close by for comfort but I will try to lean oh my Higher Power thou I am questioning it.
Shinebright
Thank you for your words of inspiration I know I will be able to live a normal life but I am hurt by all the things I went through and then when I called him to tell him he goes crazy on me threatening to call the police get a restraining order all I wanted to do was what was morally right and inform him, but I got hurt doing the right thing again.
God will see me through this I hope and I will be stronger and a better person. But boy does it ever hurt so freaking much

madisonblake

I'm so sorry. So so sorry. This has to be so emotional. I want to start by saying that I'm not by any means dismissing this situation but just helping you put things into perspective because I'm sure this feels so incredibly bad right now for you. Like shinebright said, like other diseases, this can be managed. I work in healthcare and for many many years worked in women's health and teen health. I saw alot of this and yes, there are millions of people who have this diagnosis. It can be treated, not cured, but treated without symptoms for a long time. I actually have a few friends who have confided in me that they have this diagnosis and they were given this by someone who KNEW they had it. They were both been honest with the partners that they are with now before they became intimate and they both have strong, loving relationships. Do not let this make you believe you should be ashamed!

Ann

Broken, I hope you will spend some time with your doctor talking about this and treatments. Herpes 1 is usually of the mouth, cold sores etc., where Herpes 2 is genital herpes.

I can't and don't want to get into medical discussions here, but there are fairly good treatments for both and the sooner your doctor helps you make a plan, the better it will be for you. Please talk to your doctor right away.

That said, this must be very hard for you and my prayers go out for you that, with treatment, you can minimize the pain and symptoms.

My heart goes out to you and I hope your story will help other women to understand the importance of protecting yourselves from STD's and to know the real danger of thinking there is no danger.

I'm so sorry, Broken, this must be upsetting.

Hugs

broken101

Madisonblake,
Thanks for your support. I know that I can and I will overcome this. The more I read the more I understand about it and its one disease that can be so easily passed and may go without knowing they have it. And unlike my ex I will be open and honest with the next person if and when I do become intimate with them. I am by all means not ready and may never be ready for a relationship after this.

Dearest Ann,
I have spoken to my doctor and there is no cure and medication is only given when and if I have an outbreak with I never had and I hope will never have. Type 1 Herpes is more common in the mouth so its mostly cold sores. It is hard I have always been so carefree and shared drinks with my closest friends and family and now I will not be doing that because I don't want to pass this on to anyone and by sharing drinks or straws or simple kissing I could pass it on.
I am very upset but I will never be ashamed my only mistake was falling in love with someone who was never honest and took advantage of and put me and my health at risk. I will never do this to anyone ever. My ex should have told me and allow me the option to choose if I still wanted to be with him or not but he never gave me that chance.
I will move pass this and will move on to life a happy life its going to take me a while but I know I can do it with support..

zoso77

Broken,

I just want to say this whole thing is heartbreaking. But regarding your AXBF...sick people do sick things. Yes, we expect people we're intimate with to be forthright and honest about things that are important. But if addicts can't be honest with themselves, then how can we expect them to be honest with others?

They simply can't, and thus live day to day indifferent to how their actions and choices impact those who care about them. So long as an addict is using, they're no different than a sociopath because they can't empathize with others.

You will be in my thoughts and prayers this evening. Please, be safe.

ZoSo

broken101

Thank you Zoso

I never taught about it like that, he was never honest with me about anything in our relationship even when he was caugth red handed cheating he denied it...i guess honestly is just not what they do...I just pray for the strenght to make it through the light at the end of the tunnel I am in my last 8 weeks to my graduation and I am struggling with even thinking of classes right now but I know I have to get it done and I will some how or the other I will.

zoso77

My graduation's in four days, a day I didn't think would ever come.

Don't you dare give up or give in. You're going to finish strong, you're going to stand tall, and dammit, you're going to get through this. Cry if you need to, vent when you need to, but finish strong.

You can do it.

ZoSo

cynical one

I kissed a boy and I liked it. I've had fever blisters/cold sores since I was like 16 after a severe case of mono. Stress, sickness, over exposure to the sun, and fever will bring them on. There is a medication, same as used for simplex 2 and shingles. I keep a script on hand and as soon as I feel that first little tingle I start popping the dope and using Abreva (OTC cream). If I catch it immediately, sometimes it goes away without blistering. If it blisters, it takes about a week to 10 days. It's not a big deal unless I have an event or something, but Burts Bees in Watermelon color usually covers it up good enough.

Hanna

I am sorry you are dealing with this, but must admit I don't understand most of the responses above. This is something that will be annoying at times, but it is not the end of the world. I just read on the CDC website that one in six people in the US have herpes simplex I.

My ESH is don't horriblize it. We are so touchy here in the US about things that are perhaps transmitted sexually (this can be transmitted non-sexually as well). You have a right to be upset but do keep it in perspective: if you are worried about transmitting this by sharing a beverage, isn't it possible you got it that way as well?

He's not evil, he's not winning an you aren't going to be destroyed by this.

Peace from me,
Hanna,

broken101

Zoso
Thanks for your support. I am going to do this and I will finish strong no matter if I have to drag there I will cross that finish line.

Cynical one
I know it's not as bad as I am thinking and I will keep a prescription at hand just in case.

Hanna
I know it's not the end of the world having Herpes 1 is not that of a big deal not like having cancer or HIV or losing a limb. But it's difficult when dealing with it especially after just hearing it. Yes I could have got it from someone else just from sharing drinks but I have seen my ex with sores on his lips when I asked him if they were cold sores he said no they were pimples from sharing a hair root and other excuses and I know I cannot put all the blame on him I should and could have been more careful but when you are told something by someone who you thinks loves and cares for you, you tend to believe them.
And trust me he may not be evil but he has done some very evil things

Hanna

Yes, I know it is very difficult. Not trying to minimize your feelings at all, but wanted to say that it will be okay. You will get through it.

I had a similar experience when I was quite young. 18. It was my first sexual experience. I put myself through a great deal mentally that today I understand was not necessary or good for me. That went on for a long time. It was worse than the physical effects by far.

Maylie

I'm so sorry that on top of everything all that the comes along with being the loved one of an addict you are now feeling betrayed and have to deal with this.

Sometimes I think the betrayal is a million times worse than anything physical. Be gentle with yourself and spend a lot of time treating yourself and taking care of YOU. It hurts when we trust someone and are let down but you will get through this and you will be stronger at the end of it. It might make us guard our hearts more, but sometimes it is better to be a little guarded then get trampled and betrayed.

You are a strong, intelligent, compassionate, and loving person and you deserve someone that will appreciate all your wonderful characteristics and treat you with the respect you deserve. You graduate soon which is a HUGE accomplishment! Whenever you start to think that he has won, remember that you are the one with your life moving forward, doors of opportunity opening, and with the ability to be compassionate and love. He will still be in the same spot and you will continue to grow. So remember, evil never wins and you will prevail!

broken101

Thank you for your kind words,

Sometimes I feel like its never going to get better, but I have to say I get a little bit stronger each day that passes.

Today I deleated my facebook account and changed my number again....I told a little white lie and said I was leaving the country so that noone will try to reach out to me. I did this becuase I have come to the realization that I am human, I am not proub of some of the things I did in the past, I am not proud of calling my ex names and slapping him when he said I dont deserve to be a mother or destroying his Ipod, but I cannot change it and not to make an excuse I reacted to his actions, but I am a beautiful, kind hearted, smart, loving, intelligent woman and I do see it now that I deserve so much better than my ex.

I am fighting to leave the past since I was told my my condition this is my rock bottom I will no longer give him another taugh, shed another tear or ask God for his protection, by all means I dont wish anyone bad but I will leave everything in the hands of God now.

It time I concentrate on me, healing myself, making me smile by doing things that makes me happy spending time with people in my class of society. I put my love, care and self in the hands of my Higher Power.

outtolunch

More than 90% of the population is positive for herpes 1.