Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [6]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-02-2013, 04:41 PM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
jzeb2008's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Indiana
Posts: 147
Selfish addict!

Addicts are SO selfish! My opiate addict /alcoholic husband came home about 6 weeks ago.(On and off.)His mother had it with him and I(being a codie) allowed him to come back with his promises of treatment. He would leave and use and come back a week laterand do good (for him) and do it all over again.One day he seemed to have the "light bulb "moment after I told him that he was dirty, walked around town in the same clothes everyday, sleep on floors and hung out with homeless people. I found him bawling because he claimed that I had called him a bum.After that he starting going to meetings, staying clean (for the most part) and got a new job.Then, it started all over again. The, "I'll be home right after work. "NOT SO FAR!Coming home drunk and the blame game. No meetings, no money and THAT mouth!!! He expects dinner, clean clothes, clean house, to be able to shower before anyone else, comfortable bed and me to ne at home waiting for him.He spent 9 months on prison (not to mention all the months in the county) and everyone should accommodate HIM!?!?He says that it's no wonder he doesn't want to be at home because I'm a nightmare and don't take care of anything!
jzeb2008 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2013, 04:47 PM   #2 (permalink)
Member
 
Pedro1234's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 580
Blog Entries: 39
He shouldn't be blaming you for his problems and you shouldn't feel in any way responsible for his bad choices and actions. I am really sorry for your situation and my thoughts are with you
__________________
The grass is not greener on the other side!
Pedro1234 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Pedro1234 For This Useful Post:
Lily1918 (05-02-2013), lilyB2013 (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 04:57 PM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Evey's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 60
Sounds like he needs to stay out until he actually hits "rock bottom", and is at least 1 year sober with a recovery plan in the works.

Let go and Let God (this motto has been helping me, although i wasnt married to my xabf nor had children with him either)

Best of luck to you
__________________
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
Evey is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2013, 04:58 PM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
AnvilheadII's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 3,522
why are you letting that street slinking days gone lack of hygiene drug addict back in your home? and then "allow" him to have the nerve to DEMAND things? you can change the entire scenario and no longer have to live with ANY of this.....please look at who you are putting in charge of your one precious life!
AnvilheadII is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to AnvilheadII For This Useful Post:
ColetteTocca (05-02-2013), EverHopeful721 (05-02-2013), Lily1918 (05-02-2013), lizwig (05-02-2013), LoveMeNow (05-02-2013), shinebright7 (05-02-2013), zoso77 (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 04:59 PM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
shinebright7's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 338
Yikes that sounds awful.

My husband is out of the house right now, and it is so tempting to let him come back even though he has only been gone 3 weeks and clean for almost 3 months.

He is still not grounded in his recovery and I feel crazy when I am around him because of the manipulation and begging and oh man...I just get so confused because I love the Child of God in him and hate the Addiction.

I wanna snuggle with the Child of God and run away from the Addiction.

But because the Addiction is still very alive in him, I am choosing to be AWAY from that so that's why he can't come back.

I'm sure it took a lot of courage to kick him out the last time...

And I totally understand the hope of letting him come back under the promise of him getting into treatment. Another tally mark for him not keeping his word now ya know? He just doesn't seem ready to get well, but he does seem ready to take you down with him.

The question is, are you ready to let him do that? My sponsor says if if it feels crazy, it is! We have to value our sanity and our serenity -- and not let situations and people take it away from us, or not let ourselves be in situations where we know we have a hard time holding onto it ourselves.

Thats' why I'm staying away from my husband right now. I see him and my heart melts. And then I get all codie and confused. I know that if I see him I will be likely to hand my serenity over or let it slip away from me, and I just can't do that again right now because it's so painful for me to go through those emotional upheavals. Ugh. I know you know what I'm talking about because you're going through it right now.

Take care of you tonight in whatever ways you have the courage to. And ask your Higher Power for help. xo
__________________
I love God. I love myself. I love my husband.
shinebright7 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to shinebright7 For This Useful Post:
Hanna (05-02-2013), Lily1918 (05-02-2013), lizwig (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 05:10 PM   #6 (permalink)
Engineer, Guitarist, Golfer
 
zoso77's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 1,754
Blog Entries: 5
Quote:
Originally Posted by jzeb2008 View Post
Addicts are SO selfish! My opiate addict /alcoholic husband came home about 6 weeks ago.(On and off.)His mother had it with him and I(being a codie) allowed him to come back with his promises of treatment. He would leave and use and come back a week laterand do good (for him) and do it all over again.One day he seemed to have the "light bulb "moment after I told him that he was dirty, walked around town in the same clothes everyday, sleep on floors and hung out with homeless people. I found him bawling because he claimed that I had called him a bum.After that he starting going to meetings, staying clean (for the most part) and got a new job.Then, it started all over again. The, "I'll be home right after work. "NOT SO FAR!Coming home drunk and the blame game. No meetings, no money and THAT mouth!!! He expects dinner, clean clothes, clean house, to be able to shower before anyone else, comfortable bed and me to ne at home waiting for him.He spent 9 months on prison (not to mention all the months in the county) and everyone should accommodate HIM!?!?He says that it's no wonder he doesn't want to be at home because I'm a nightmare and don't take care of anything!
So what's your course of action right now? What's your next, logical step?
zoso77 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to zoso77 For This Useful Post:
ColetteTocca (05-02-2013), LoveMeNow (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 05:17 PM   #7 (permalink)
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
 
ElegantlyWasted's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Blog Entries: 10
Ouch... Maybe sitting down, coming up with some concrete boundaries, writing it down and signing it as a contract with yourself? Don't let yourself get sucked under (or into his drama). I know my parents would have thrown me on the street for anything remotely resembling what you're going through.
__________________
He who neglects what is done for what ought to be done, sooner effects his ruin than his preservation.
ElegantlyWasted is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to ElegantlyWasted For This Useful Post:
Lily1918 (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 06:04 PM   #8 (permalink)
Engineer, Guitarist, Golfer
 
zoso77's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Where the mighty arms of Atlas hold the heavens from the Earth
Posts: 1,754
Blog Entries: 5
Jzeb...

I bet you know deep down how to handle this, right? Imagine you came to us with a different story, and you read what you posted this evening from another member. You'd be outraged for that person.

So, instead of telling you what I believe you should do, I'm going to encourage you to not be afraid of embracing what you know you should do. Because, addict or not an addict, unacceptable behavior is unacceptable behavior.

ZoSo
zoso77 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to zoso77 For This Useful Post:
dessyflash (05-02-2013), lizwig (05-02-2013), LoveMeNow (05-02-2013), Nana3 (05-02-2013)
Old 05-02-2013, 07:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 
LoveMeNow's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,205
I am confused because your last post said your husband was a meth addict. His mother kicked him out, after you did, and sounds like you rescued him again. Addicts aren't "clean for the most part." There are no grey areas.

IMO, each time I knowingly allowed my husband to manipulate me, I empowered his addiction. In hind sight, I was probably far more selfish then he was because I refused to allow him to be who he was being. I wanted him to be what I wanted. I helped keep him sick because I was. I wanted him clean and I wanted him clean for me and on my terms. Then when didn't respond as I demanded, I played the victim role so well. Heck, I had even become verbally abusive to him. I yelled, screamed, and called him belittling names...all in attempts to change him or wake him up. Ughhhh

Jzeb, nothing changes if nothing changes. What are you doing to help you? What are you doing to get healthy?
__________________
You've got to take the good with the bad, smile with the sad, love what you've got, and remember what you had. Always forgive, but never forget. Learn from mistakes, but never regret. ♥
LoveMeNow is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to LoveMeNow For This Useful Post:
shinebright7 (05-02-2013), zoso77 (05-02-2013)
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:06 PM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites