bigbrosKeeper

Watching someone you love destroy themselves is so hard.

Changing my behavior to not try to change theirs is so hard.

Not trying to "fix" things and make them all better is so hard.

Saying "I'm sorry, but you cannot live here anymore" is so hard.

Following through with set boundaries is so hard.

Letting go of the worry is so hard.

Being the "Bitch" who wont give him money for shelter is so hard.

Watching my parents both cry is so hard.

Realizing there is nothing easy about my own recovery from codependency is so hard.

Wing

Hug

shinebright7

That's a lot of Hard to be feeling today. Hope you can find some comfort and rest amidst your day today. You're worth it. ((hugs))

horriblethisis

But realizing that I have to take the time for my own recovery will be much better for my life.

I]But once I reflect on my life, I am going to be so much happier[/I]

But then realizing that the addict is the once who needs to "fix things"...I have already tried my best.

But knowing that time apart is going to make ME stronger, more alive and realize that I should have done it long ago.


But the more time that passes, the easier it gets, and the stronger I become.

But right now, I need to only worry about myself and my happiness.

But I know it is the right thing to do.


But I know they love me and only want me to be happy, so I know I have their support in the end. They will furthermore realize what a strong person they raised.

But time will tell, and time will help. I just have to remember to take it one day at at time.

bigbrosKeeper

Thank you for this Sometimes I forget the benefits of MY recovery. Watching my brother destroy himself has consumed me over the last several months, and I am truly trying to change that within myself.

It has been such a hard month in general, my kicking my addicted brother out not withstanding - a total of 4 beloved pets between my home and my mothers had to be put down due to illness (all unrelated, just really really bad coincidence/timing), my grandmother died 4 years ago this month, my uncle died 1 year ago tomorrow from Lou Gehrig's disease (he was a very vibrant man and only 60 years old), and several other things that went wrong.

I finally made the call to start therapy to help me deal with the stress of all that has been going on. There is an 8 week waiting list at my preferred therapy center, so tomorrow I am going to call my second choice (just as good by reputation, but a little further away), as I don't think i can wait another 8 weeks before getting some help for myself.

julez

BBK you are doing all the right things. Progress not perfection. I know therapy has helped me tremendously with my codependency.

Kindeyes

Good for you for seeking help for yourself! I have used a variety of methods to help me cope with my son's addiction, the violent and sudden death of my father and my own behavioral "quirks". Whatever works for you so that you can live your life to the fullest is great!

@horriblethisis....I loved your post!

gentle hugs
ke