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crazybabie · 06-17-2012, 09:52 PM

What is considered control VS what is considered a boundary?

My post about my kids calling me about their dad and how to contact him really confused me some insight please.

neferkamichael · 06-17-2012, 10:09 PM

Hi crazybabie, I suppose there is some "control" when you set boundaries. I understood your thread to mean you don't want to be the "go between", when his kids try to contact him. It's only natural for children to go to thier mother for almost everything. Perhaps try to explain to them what's going on between you to? Good luck.

crazybabie · 06-17-2012, 10:16 PM

yes, that was what I meant maybe I worded it wrong or maybe it is control I have no clue. They know what is going on, one of them helps him get stuff ughhhh

**Impurrfect** · 06-17-2012, 10:26 PM

((crazybabie)) - My dad often tells me I'm the "only one" he can talk to. Over time, I've had to set boundaries of things I will not discuss with him, and it's usually stuff that I have heard about forever, can't do anything about and if I do have some ES&H, he doesn't want to hear it.

It took me a while and having the same conversations with the same results (I usually felt stressed or some other bad feeling). He didn't like it, but he's gotten better.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Tinks65 · 06-18-2012, 05:26 AM

crazybabie, I totally get where you are coming from, I didn't see it as control at all. They are grown, they all know the deal. Truth is we can only have so much serenity when someone we love is in active addiction ... heck or recovery for that matter. The day is going well ... peace, serenity ... and wham "do you know where dad is? I haven't talked to him in a week ... no matter how hard you try those old thoughts have a way of seeping into your conscience and you're going there. Then it is an effort, sometimes monumental sometimes not but none the less an effort to re-route. It's a boundary.

06-17-2012, 09:52 PM	#1 (permalink)
crazybabie Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Alabama Posts: 1,613 Blog Entries: 3	When is it What is considered control VS what is considered a boundary? My post about my kids calling me about their dad and how to contact him really confused me some insight please. __________________ Hugs, Angie Look Back & Get Experience Look Forward & See Hope Look Around & Find Reality Look Witin & Find Yourself

06-17-2012, 10:09 PM	#2 (permalink)
neferkamichael Life Health Prosperity Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Louisana Posts: 2,034	Hi crazybabie, I suppose there is some "control" when you set boundaries. I understood your thread to mean you don't want to be the "go between", when his kids try to contact him. It's only natural for children to go to thier mother for almost everything. Perhaps try to explain to them what's going on between you to? Good luck. __________________ Success is making yourself do the thing you need to do when you need to do it whether you like it or not. If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

06-17-2012, 10:16 PM	#3 (permalink)
crazybabie Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Alabama Posts: 1,613 Blog Entries: 3	yes, that was what I meant maybe I worded it wrong or maybe it is control I have no clue. They know what is going on, one of them helps him get stuff ughhhh __________________ Hugs, Angie Look Back & Get Experience Look Forward & See Hope Look Around & Find Reality Look Witin & Find Yourself

06-17-2012, 10:26 PM	#4 (permalink)
Impurrfect Social Network Moderator Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Atlanta Posts: 25,171	((crazybabie)) - My dad often tells me I'm the "only one" he can talk to. Over time, I've had to set boundaries of things I will not discuss with him, and it's usually stuff that I have heard about forever, can't do anything about and if I do have some ES&H, he doesn't want to hear it. It took me a while and having the same conversations with the same results (I usually felt stressed or some other bad feeling). He didn't like it, but he's gotten better. Hugs and prayers, Amy __________________ "I'm not where I want to be, but thank God I'm not where I used to be" - Joyce Meyer "You got what it takes you can win, today is your day to begin. - Shania Twain (Tinker, Elvis [RIP], Patches and Mots - Mouth Of The South)

06-18-2012, 05:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
Tinks65 Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Posts: 85 Blog Entries: 1	crazybabie, I totally get where you are coming from, I didn't see it as control at all. They are grown, they all know the deal. Truth is we can only have so much serenity when someone we love is in active addiction ... heck or recovery for that matter. The day is going well ... peace, serenity ... and wham "do you know where dad is? I haven't talked to him in a week ... no matter how hard you try those old thoughts have a way of seeping into your conscience and you're going there. Then it is an effort, sometimes monumental sometimes not but none the less an effort to re-route. It's a boundary. __________________ I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears. Psalm 34:4

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