First family day in rehab... What to expect?? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

hopeful49455 · 09-18-2011, 08:30 PM

My addict BF has now been sober for close to 40 days!!!! Next weekend his parents & I will be participating in what his facility calls "family day". Basically, we go up on Sunday, hear a lecture and return on Monday morning to participate in his small group for a few hours. I have no clue what to expect. I know that we will be able to ask him questions, and his group will be able to grill us on anything they see fit... But I was just wondering if anyone had any pointers they wanted to share, or had any idea as to how it all works. I know every rehab is different in their approach to family therapy, but any insight would be much appreciated. I don't want to seem naive, but my BF and I have always been extremely honest with each other regarding his addiction. I was advised to write down some questions to ask him, but I really don't have any. He's told me everything I've wanted to know (and tons more I could have lived without hearing), but I don't want to seem uncooperative if I have nothing to say. I'm just nervous in general over the whole situation!

**Ann** · 09-19-2011, 03:57 AM

Try to relax and just be yourself. This may be a time to express how you feel and how you see recovery working for yourself as well as him. It's a good time, if you haven't already, to put a recovery plan in place for you and then let his recovery unfold as he grows and moves forward.

When I went to things like this, it helped to remind myself that it was the active addiction that was scary. Anything less is a cakewalk.

Good luck hugs.

hopeful49455 · 09-19-2011, 04:05 PM

Thanks Ann! I guess my biggest problem is remembering just how bad things were. I'm one of those people that mostly remembers the good and tends to forget the bad... Which I consider a huge flaw when dealing with an addict. Now that he's doing so well, I find myself forgetting what got us here in the 1st place, even though I know that pesky addiction will be with us forever. Hopefully this weekend will be a reminder that we still have a long road ahead of us! But thanks so much for your response =]

**Ann** · 09-20-2011, 03:10 AM

I know, it's hard to move forward when the past still haunts you, and I know that for me, I had to deal with both before I could move anywhere.

Learning from the past gives us lessons to take to the future so that we don't repeat the same mistakes. Sometimes we do anyway, but we are a little wiser next time around and it isn't as mind-jolting as it was in the beginning.

Same for him, hopefully he will pick up tools at rehab that will help him fight addiction when he leaves and learn a better way to live. If not, next time he knows the drill.

Just live in the day and let life unfold as it may. They say that when we live in regret of the past and fear of the future, we lose all the beauty in today. Enjoy the day, it's much too beautiful to waste.

Hugs

mooselips · 09-20-2011, 05:29 AM

It may be different in your part of the world, but I remember when we attended family rehab, it was all about the recovering addict and how they feel. And how they feel they are progressing...

No deep subject when we attended.

May be different in your case, let us know, okay?

hugs and hugs.........

P.S. You mentioned you don't much remember the bad times. Well if your addict actively seeked out recovery...then why dwell on those issues at this time anyway?
Maybe it's a good thing to remember the good times, and know how it CAN be....with a lot of hard work and dedication to maintaining sobriety.

***Kindeyes*** · 09-20-2011, 06:28 AM

The only thing I can tell you about the family meetings in the first inpatient rehab that my son went to is where I began MY recovery. They were fantastic. They helped me break through my denial about my own issues. I will be forever grateful to the counselors, who were all recovering addicts and alcoholics. They helped more than they will ever know.

Relax. Take it one day at a time. Go with the flow. Take it easy. Those are my best suggestions for you.

gentle hugs
ke

NotSoSmart · 09-20-2011, 06:49 PM

I think some programs are more family-friendly than others. My AGF program is not one of the friendlier ones. my family group experience was dismal, poorly organized and a waste of time. I don't mean to be harsh but it wasn't run well, the kids had to sit through it for an hour with us which made them restless, the format was question and answer and the only people who shared were the patients. By the 2nd time, I viewed it as a waste of an hour of our visiting time. I was so glad when she got to go on pass and I didn't have to sit thru it anymore.

I hope yours is better!

09-18-2011, 08:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
hopeful49455 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new orleans, la Posts: 8	First family day in rehab... What to expect?? My addict BF has now been sober for close to 40 days!!!! Next weekend his parents & I will be participating in what his facility calls "family day". Basically, we go up on Sunday, hear a lecture and return on Monday morning to participate in his small group for a few hours. I have no clue what to expect. I know that we will be able to ask him questions, and his group will be able to grill us on anything they see fit... But I was just wondering if anyone had any pointers they wanted to share, or had any idea as to how it all works. I know every rehab is different in their approach to family therapy, but any insight would be much appreciated. I don't want to seem naive, but my BF and I have always been extremely honest with each other regarding his addiction. I was advised to write down some questions to ask him, but I really don't have any. He's told me everything I've wanted to know (and tons more I could have lived without hearing), but I don't want to seem uncooperative if I have nothing to say. I'm just nervous in general over the whole situation!

09-19-2011, 03:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 29,868	Try to relax and just be yourself. This may be a time to express how you feel and how you see recovery working for yourself as well as him. It's a good time, if you haven't already, to put a recovery plan in place for you and then let his recovery unfold as he grows and moves forward. When I went to things like this, it helped to remind myself that it was the active addiction that was scary. Anything less is a cakewalk. Good luck hugs. __________________ Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. ~Tagore

09-20-2011, 03:10 AM	#4 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 29,868	I know, it's hard to move forward when the past still haunts you, and I know that for me, I had to deal with both before I could move anywhere. Learning from the past gives us lessons to take to the future so that we don't repeat the same mistakes. Sometimes we do anyway, but we are a little wiser next time around and it isn't as mind-jolting as it was in the beginning. Same for him, hopefully he will pick up tools at rehab that will help him fight addiction when he leaves and learn a better way to live. If not, next time he knows the drill. Just live in the day and let life unfold as it may. They say that when we live in regret of the past and fear of the future, we lose all the beauty in today. Enjoy the day, it's much too beautiful to waste. Hugs __________________ Clouds come floating into my life, no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add color to my sunset sky. ~Tagore

09-20-2011, 05:29 AM	#5 (permalink)
mooselips Jujubee Queen Join Date: Nov 2003 Location: North Royalton, Ohio Posts: 3,556	It may be different in your part of the world, but I remember when we attended family rehab, it was all about the recovering addict and how they feel. And how they feel they are progressing... No deep subject when we attended. May be different in your case, let us know, okay? hugs and hugs......... P.S. You mentioned you don't much remember the bad times. Well if your addict actively seeked out recovery...then why dwell on those issues at this time anyway? Maybe it's a good thing to remember the good times, and know how it CAN be....with a lot of hard work and dedication to maintaining sobriety. __________________ Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons because, to them, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. Diane

09-20-2011, 06:28 AM	#6 (permalink)
*Kindeyes* Community Greeter Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Washington State Posts: 4,469 Blog Entries: 2	The only thing I can tell you about the family meetings in the first inpatient rehab that my son went to is where I began MY recovery. They were fantastic. They helped me break through my denial about my own issues. I will be forever grateful to the counselors, who were all recovering addicts and alcoholics. They helped more than they will ever know. Relax. Take it one day at a time. Go with the flow. Take it easy. Those are my best suggestions for you. gentle hugs ke __________________ Faith is a place of mystery, where we find the courage to believe in what we cannot see and the strength to let go of our fear of uncertainty. ~ Brene Brown

09-19-2011, 04:05 PM	#3 (permalink)
hopeful49455 Member Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new orleans, la Posts: 8	Thanks Ann! I guess my biggest problem is remembering just how bad things were. I'm one of those people that mostly remembers the good and tends to forget the bad... Which I consider a huge flaw when dealing with an addict. Now that he's doing so well, I find myself forgetting what got us here in the 1st place, even though I know that pesky addiction will be with us forever. Hopefully this weekend will be a reminder that we still have a long road ahead of us! But thanks so much for your response =]

09-20-2011, 06:49 PM	#7 (permalink)
NotSoSmart Member Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: hot as heck, az Posts: 100	I think some programs are more family-friendly than others. My AGF program is not one of the friendlier ones. my family group experience was dismal, poorly organized and a waste of time. I don't mean to be harsh but it wasn't run well, the kids had to sit through it for an hour with us which made them restless, the format was question and answer and the only people who shared were the patients. By the 2nd time, I viewed it as a waste of an hour of our visiting time. I was so glad when she got to go on pass and I didn't have to sit thru it anymore. I hope yours is better!

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