back with another question!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: dallas texas
Posts: 1,629
back with another question!!
Hello everyone,
Haven't posted much in a while, still zoom in and out to keep up with the latest and greatest.
AD, or RAD (again) as of 3-16-11 is once again trying to pick up the pieces. I have custody of grandson. I had to start the no contact position as it was all there was left to do! For the first time in this 10 year hell I KNOW there is nothing I can do, it is up to her. I can look at myself in the mirror daily and be at peace.
I also have it in the court records that states the rules of her being clean 30 days before visits, no alcohol, etc; it is up to our discretion.
I still feel it is in grandsons best interest for her not to come in and out of his life. She sees this as a punishment for what she's done. I see it as protecting him.
I don't know if my codie personality is returning or God is softening my heart! I was up all night thinking of the pros/cons. I don't want to do any harm to either one, have a duty to protect him, realize he needs to know her and that she deserves him in her life IF she is recovering.
Any ideas/thoughts or suggestions??? I will take all comers.
My best to all of you I know, pleasure to get to know others.
susan
Haven't posted much in a while, still zoom in and out to keep up with the latest and greatest.
AD, or RAD (again) as of 3-16-11 is once again trying to pick up the pieces. I have custody of grandson. I had to start the no contact position as it was all there was left to do! For the first time in this 10 year hell I KNOW there is nothing I can do, it is up to her. I can look at myself in the mirror daily and be at peace.
I also have it in the court records that states the rules of her being clean 30 days before visits, no alcohol, etc; it is up to our discretion.
I still feel it is in grandsons best interest for her not to come in and out of his life. She sees this as a punishment for what she's done. I see it as protecting him.
I don't know if my codie personality is returning or God is softening my heart! I was up all night thinking of the pros/cons. I don't want to do any harm to either one, have a duty to protect him, realize he needs to know her and that she deserves him in her life IF she is recovering.
Any ideas/thoughts or suggestions??? I will take all comers.
My best to all of you I know, pleasure to get to know others.
susan
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Well, none of that needs to be decided today is my thinking..time will tell if her recovery sticks and you WILL know..it looks alot differnt than half a$%ed attempts we have all seen.I say stay in the now..now she is in recovery, now you have custody and the little guy is safe and won't be subjucted to an intoxicated mother.If things change..she falls off, or she becomes supersobermom, then you can reevaluate.But staying up all night future tripping doesn't help anyone..least of all you who needs full energy for the little guy! ONE DAY AT A TIME..
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
well, i am quite opinionated when it comes to developing, vulnerable, trusting children.
i think it is irrefutable that if the parent pops in and out, in and out, of the child's life, that is detrimental.
if you don't know if she's truly clean and sober, then yes, you probably need to wait.
time is, as we know, the great revealer.
i think it is irrefutable that if the parent pops in and out, in and out, of the child's life, that is detrimental.
if you don't know if she's truly clean and sober, then yes, you probably need to wait.
time is, as we know, the great revealer.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
How old is your grandson? I have a five year old grandson. I don't have custody but I get to see him one or two times per month. He is with his mother who is a RA and a great mom. My son is his father and he is in active addiction.
I understand your concerns and indecision. I understand how you want so badly for your daughter to be a sober mother for her son. I understand how you want to protect him but feel you shouldn't have to protect him from his own mother. I understand how you want him to know and love his mother but don't know if it's good for him.
Both of the previous posters had valuable insight......all I can offer is my understanding of the difficult position you are in.
gentle hugs
ke
I understand your concerns and indecision. I understand how you want so badly for your daughter to be a sober mother for her son. I understand how you want to protect him but feel you shouldn't have to protect him from his own mother. I understand how you want him to know and love his mother but don't know if it's good for him.
Both of the previous posters had valuable insight......all I can offer is my understanding of the difficult position you are in.
gentle hugs
ke
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: In
Posts: 561
How about short supervised visits you could meet her at a park or Mcdonalds or something. My thinking is would be easier on the child if they know who their Mother is. My 2 grand kids are use to the fact that their Mom an Dad come an go it's really all they've known. Will say that when AD stayed here for 3 weeks it was hard on the 3 yr old to understand why Mommy wasn't here to put her to bed at night after she left. Which is why I said short visits just to keep them in touch so it won't be so hard on the kid when/if Mom gets them back.
Good luck with what ever you decide i best. Sending prayers for you an your family.
Good luck with what ever you decide i best. Sending prayers for you an your family.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Susan))) - SO great to see you again, but sorry you're going through this. I don't really have any ES&H, as haven't been through this before (my niece's dad never stopped using when she was young), but I'm all for what's best for the little guy.
It's in your daughter's hands as to whether she wants to be a positive figure in his life. If you want them to see each other, I like ((lostparent's)) advice - short, simple, supervised visits at somewhere mutual. I know she's been through this for a while.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
It's in your daughter's hands as to whether she wants to be a positive figure in his life. If you want them to see each other, I like ((lostparent's)) advice - short, simple, supervised visits at somewhere mutual. I know she's been through this for a while.
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
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