Found a empty bottle and box of syringes in my boyfriends closet
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 1
Found a empty bottle and box of syringes in my boyfriends closet
My boyfriend has been sober for 3 years and we have been dating for almost 2 years. We have a happy, fun, and loving relationships. We definitely have times we disagree on issues but nothing that most healthy couples haven't been through.
A few months ago around his birthday (turning 32) he went through a "woe is me" spell. He wouldn't admit this but he does not like his birthday and turning older. He seemed unhappy with everything and would verbalized that he felt depressed at times. He made a comment that really made me concerned for his wellbeing and it was the first time I had ever heard him say anything like that. Before he was sober, he was depressed and suicidal so it made me concerned instantly. He had stopped going to meetings, hanging out with his friends, never wanted to leave the house, and sleep all the time.
For the first time ever, I began to wonder if he had relapsed. One night I walked into his closet and there was a syringe laying in the middle of the floor. I asked him about it and he said it was old and his old roommates. I was extremely uneasy and Totally broke a barrier of trust and searched in his closet where I found a handful of syringes. I ended up asking him about them and he lied to me. Once I broke down in tears telling him I was concerned he was using again, he told me he was using them for testosterone injections. That response made sense to me.
Months later, his behavior isn't anything too alarming but he's making comments about being unhappy and depressed again. I went through his closet and found an empty bottle of oxycodon and a huge box full of syringes. I haven't asked him yet trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since the bottle is from 2013 and the syringes are supposedly for testosterone injections.
I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning because again, totally a violation of privacy and trust. But I am concerned about the empty bottle of pills. Please help!
A few months ago around his birthday (turning 32) he went through a "woe is me" spell. He wouldn't admit this but he does not like his birthday and turning older. He seemed unhappy with everything and would verbalized that he felt depressed at times. He made a comment that really made me concerned for his wellbeing and it was the first time I had ever heard him say anything like that. Before he was sober, he was depressed and suicidal so it made me concerned instantly. He had stopped going to meetings, hanging out with his friends, never wanted to leave the house, and sleep all the time.
For the first time ever, I began to wonder if he had relapsed. One night I walked into his closet and there was a syringe laying in the middle of the floor. I asked him about it and he said it was old and his old roommates. I was extremely uneasy and Totally broke a barrier of trust and searched in his closet where I found a handful of syringes. I ended up asking him about them and he lied to me. Once I broke down in tears telling him I was concerned he was using again, he told me he was using them for testosterone injections. That response made sense to me.
Months later, his behavior isn't anything too alarming but he's making comments about being unhappy and depressed again. I went through his closet and found an empty bottle of oxycodon and a huge box full of syringes. I haven't asked him yet trying to give him the benefit of the doubt since the bottle is from 2013 and the syringes are supposedly for testosterone injections.
I'm not sure if it's worth mentioning because again, totally a violation of privacy and trust. But I am concerned about the empty bottle of pills. Please help!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I went through his closet and found an empty bottle of oxycodon and a huge box full of syringes. I haven't asked him yet trying to give him the benefit of the doubt....
I am so sorry you are going through this, but glad you found us. Please take a good read around, especially the "sticky" threads at the top of this forum. There is a lot of good information there that will help you discover the reality of addiction....it's not pretty but there is always hope, for our addicted loved ones and for ourselves.
Nothing you say or do will make him stop, only he can do that when he is ready and it doesn't look like he will be ready any time soon. If love could save our addicts, not one of us would be here. We can't love them clean, we can't buy them clean, we can't manipulate them clean...it's just not in our power.
But there is help for you, meetings have helped many of us find our balance again and make decision with clarity and courage. Maybe check your area and try a few, I think you will be surprised how helpful it is to have live support right there with you.
Welcome to SR, stick around and know that you are among friends here who truly understand what you are experiencing.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,647
Windsor- welcome and thankyou for your courage. You need to look after you. Your bf cannot be 'saved'. Only he can do that. Hope for the best- but prepare for the worst. Stay safe. Look after yourself b4 him. You will need to - otherwise you will find yourself in the same place in years to come. You have an awareness, you have concerns- seek help, go to meetings that support you, post and share here.
My thoughts and support to you. PJ
ps (?) Ann is a wise lady. She has the truth of it.
My thoughts and support to you. PJ
ps (?) Ann is a wise lady. She has the truth of it.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Windsor....there are very, very, very few medical reasons that a man of his age (or any age) that would require testosterone injections...and, even at that, it would be under the careful management of an endocrinologist!!
take off your rose-colored glasses. He is using. He is using and he is lying about it. this is standard procedure.
I don't even know him and I would bet everything that I own on it...
Reread Ann's post over and over...and, follow her suggestions. She has a lifetime of experience under her belt.....
take off your rose-colored glasses. He is using. He is using and he is lying about it. this is standard procedure.
I don't even know him and I would bet everything that I own on it...
Reread Ann's post over and over...and, follow her suggestions. She has a lifetime of experience under her belt.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
he lied to you about the first syringe you found. then when pressed he came up with another lie, that you are buying for now. you then later discover a BIG box of syringes.....which you have rationalized is OK because of his lie about testosterone.
first off, one should not be self injecting ANYTHING that is not prescribed for a specific medical intervention - such as diabetes or cancer. self injecting steroids or testosterone, etc is not only dangerous, it's illegal.
second, if the needles truly WERE for "just" testosterone, why would the box be HIDDEN away in the closet? why not more conveniently under the medicine cabinet? why so shrouded in mystery? why didn't he come right out and tell you in the first place???
third, when faced with an empty bottle of bills AND a big box of syringes, you are more concerned about the bottle, dated 2013. yes there is the bit about privacy violation, but the first needle was found in plain site - and trust me it didn't get there on it's own.
you have every right to be concerned. and to assume he IS using.
first off, one should not be self injecting ANYTHING that is not prescribed for a specific medical intervention - such as diabetes or cancer. self injecting steroids or testosterone, etc is not only dangerous, it's illegal.
second, if the needles truly WERE for "just" testosterone, why would the box be HIDDEN away in the closet? why not more conveniently under the medicine cabinet? why so shrouded in mystery? why didn't he come right out and tell you in the first place???
third, when faced with an empty bottle of bills AND a big box of syringes, you are more concerned about the bottle, dated 2013. yes there is the bit about privacy violation, but the first needle was found in plain site - and trust me it didn't get there on it's own.
you have every right to be concerned. and to assume he IS using.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Welcome, Windsor. Anvil makes a lot of good points - a lot of his actions and reactions point to secrecy... Why in the closet? Why the "its old" answer before the testosterone answer?
From my own experience, when I think back now things really start to make sense since I know that my husband was using. Think back, and be honest with yourself. Are there any other red flags you can think of? I know you mentioned the depression returning and the sleeping a lot. I am thinking more along the lines of, things disappearing, him being short on money, him being extra sleepy, extra hyper, extra nervous. Maybe he won't let you see or hold his phone. Maybe when you do, there are zero text messages in it. (From experience...) Is he gone longer than what he needs to be gone for? (i.e. "I am running to the store" turns into a couple hour trip out of the house. Just some things to think about.
Early on I found crushed pill residue, cut straws, syringe caps, and empty pill bottles, and still came on SoberRecovery posting that I think my husband may have relapsed. Now, I know better. Using looks like using, recovery looks like recovery. I think Anvil is the one who first told me that, and it stuck.
We wish you well. We understand the pain and confusion and fear this could bring you. Keep coming back! We will help all we can.
From my own experience, when I think back now things really start to make sense since I know that my husband was using. Think back, and be honest with yourself. Are there any other red flags you can think of? I know you mentioned the depression returning and the sleeping a lot. I am thinking more along the lines of, things disappearing, him being short on money, him being extra sleepy, extra hyper, extra nervous. Maybe he won't let you see or hold his phone. Maybe when you do, there are zero text messages in it. (From experience...) Is he gone longer than what he needs to be gone for? (i.e. "I am running to the store" turns into a couple hour trip out of the house. Just some things to think about.
Early on I found crushed pill residue, cut straws, syringe caps, and empty pill bottles, and still came on SoberRecovery posting that I think my husband may have relapsed. Now, I know better. Using looks like using, recovery looks like recovery. I think Anvil is the one who first told me that, and it stuck.
We wish you well. We understand the pain and confusion and fear this could bring you. Keep coming back! We will help all we can.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 468
Also, don't guilt yourself over searching. Although searching and finding won't lead to change (only your setting boundaries and sticking to them will) I understand why you did it. I did it myself. Sometimes evidence fell in my lap, other times I found it in jacket pockets hanging in the closet.
If you search, you'll likely find. What matters is what you decide to do with the information.
If you search, you'll likely find. What matters is what you decide to do with the information.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
All the makings for the perfect “using” storm. Needles, empty pill bottles along with a plausible excuse that a loved one believes.
It’s so hard Windsor123 when we want so much to NOT believe that what our eyes are seeing and our instincts are telling us because should we truly believe it, out world is turned upside down. Holding onto those plausible excuses is our way of denial until we can’t deny it any longer and are forced to deal with it.
Your breaking down and crying and sharing your deep concerns about him resulted in him lying to you. So the next crying breakdown you have with him should bring him to use the words, I swear I am not using again, I promise you, I swear on my life, bla bla bla to maybe admitting to having used a small amount of something and of course that would have been weeks ago or months ago, bla bla bla.
Sadly, from this point forward expect nothing but lies and empty promises.
I hope you stick around, I hope you learn as much as you can about addiction and about addict behaviors and maybe find an al-anon or nar-anon meeting in your area. Support for you is extremely important, try not to isolate and depend on him for any part of your support system.
To love an addict is to run out of tears!!
It’s so hard Windsor123 when we want so much to NOT believe that what our eyes are seeing and our instincts are telling us because should we truly believe it, out world is turned upside down. Holding onto those plausible excuses is our way of denial until we can’t deny it any longer and are forced to deal with it.
Your breaking down and crying and sharing your deep concerns about him resulted in him lying to you. So the next crying breakdown you have with him should bring him to use the words, I swear I am not using again, I promise you, I swear on my life, bla bla bla to maybe admitting to having used a small amount of something and of course that would have been weeks ago or months ago, bla bla bla.
Sadly, from this point forward expect nothing but lies and empty promises.
I hope you stick around, I hope you learn as much as you can about addiction and about addict behaviors and maybe find an al-anon or nar-anon meeting in your area. Support for you is extremely important, try not to isolate and depend on him for any part of your support system.
To love an addict is to run out of tears!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 844
I dont think you should be afraid to discuss this with your bf. A former drug user, with drugs and needles currently in his possession? I would be concerned that I can tell you. Here is what I learned from my husband: his drug use liked to be hidden and he didnt like to talk about it because it made him feel worse about himself. when he felt worse about himself then he used more to cover those feelings. However if I didnt talk about it, and escalate the issues it was going to remain hidden and continue to go unchecked. If there is use going on again then it needs to be brought out into the light and he needs to be pushed to get help. Your bf quit once so he could do it again, but maybe what he was doing didnt help too much or he wouldnt have started again? all worth discussing. things like depression need doctors especially when someone is prone to be triggered back into using. You know a simple unexpected drug test could tell you.
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