Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information > Friends and Family > Friends and Family of Substance Abusers
Forgot Password? Join Us!
Register Blogs FAQ Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read Chat Room [9]


Welcome to the Sober Recovery Community

Already registered? Login above ---^
OR
To take advantage of all Posting, Chatting, Gaming, and all the features available at SoberRecovery, join the over 100,000 current members, and become a member of our supportive community today! Ads will no longer appear on the forums, once you register.



Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-06-2010, 07:28 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 325
Should You Loan or Give Money To Abusers?

Should you loan or give money to somekind of abuser even if it's not for their drugs of choice per say?

We know someone who not only had a great job but was already given a loan at 1/2 their yearly salary while they had a job many years ago. They have "probed" family members and friends for another loan/money.

Their problems include legal & illegal substance use,gambling and simply over spending not caring about price tags even unemployed. Has champange taste on a beer budget. Justifies over spending as "quality". He's always trying to guilt you into giving a loan. Trys playing up his FINANCIAL trouble for sympathy.

On one hand their problems are worse than ever and hopefully they realize this and will change their ways. And this person has basically lived their entire life one step ahead of legal,financial or personal problems never taking the time or MONEY to deal with them.

Personally I think they need to suffer the consequences of their life style even if it means bankruptcy. This has been going on for almost 30 years. Would this be too abrupt for someone who has made a point to get their way?
thequest is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 07:49 AM   #2 (permalink)
Just livin' the dream
 
suki44883's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Somewhere Out There
Posts: 16,248
Should you loan or give money to somekind of abuser even if it's not for their drugs of choice per say?

NO!!! NO!!! NO!!!
__________________
"So oftentimes it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we have the key."
- The Eagles


"We call them dumb animals, and so they are, for they cannot tell us how they feel, but they do not suffer less because they have no words."
- Anna Sewell
suki44883 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to suki44883 For This Useful Post:
BohemiMamaof3 (05-06-2010)
Old 05-06-2010, 07:53 AM   #3 (permalink)
Psalm 118:24
 
CAPTAINZING2000's Avatar
 

Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 12,812
Blog Entries: 1
nope!!!!!!!
__________________
LIFE IS GOD'S GIFT TO YOU
WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE
IS YOUR GIFT TO GOD


J - Jesus first
O - Others next
Y - Yourself last

John 14:6
CAPTAINZING2000 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 08:04 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
Chino's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,293
Blog Entries: 3
"If nothing changes, nothing changes."
__________________
When we change the way we look at things, the things we look at change.
Chino is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Chino For This Useful Post:
BohemiMamaof3 (05-06-2010)
Old 05-06-2010, 08:21 AM   #5 (permalink)
Member
 
coffeedrinker's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,761
you believe that the "loan" (i'd say "gift") is not for their drug of choice. yet, if this person is in active addiciton (currently using) then of course it IS because of the drug use.

we all have limited resources; we all decide every day how to use those resources. if any of this person's resources are going toward activity that is not in his/her best interest, then giving said person money, gas in the car, groceries, is called enabling
coffeedrinker is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 08:23 AM   #6 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 325
I say no to

Thanks everyone. That's what I thought for the most part.
thequest is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 10:05 AM   #7 (permalink)
Member
 
outtolunch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,271
Take drugs out of it.

The world is full of people who prey on other people for money.

No is a complete sentance.
outtolunch is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 08:28 PM   #8 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 325
avoid a messy ending

Quote:
Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
quest, you've mentioned this person in a few different posts now, and i'm wondering why you have anything to do with this individual??? what's in it for you?
The big thing is this individual is a relative. This individual still owes immediate family 5 figures. This individual has a violent temper and might not accept to somekind of banishment or questioning of their behavior. This individual is smart enough to be criminally dangerous-and get away with it.
thequest is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Old 05-06-2010, 09:25 PM   #9 (permalink)
Member
 

Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 713
Absolutely Not! There is a saying, Ben Franklin I believe....Never a borrower nor a lender be.

I have been very true to this idea in my life because as soon as you loan money you feel somehow you own part of the result.

My attitude is if you have someone in need in your life then give freely, if at all, with no strings attached. If you have faith in them and are comfortable in the way they will use the money then proceed. If not ..... well then don't.

I give and spend my money where and with whom I am comfortable. I the spending or giving does not align with my principles then I don't. Simple rule that.....

The other question I always ask myself is do the people nearest and dearest to me have what they need......if the answer is no......I do not give outside of my healthy circle.
cangel2 is offline  
Digg this Post!Add Post to del.icio.usBookmark Post in TechnoratiTweet this Post!
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:24 AM.


 
National Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers
 
Drug Rehab | Best Treatment Center | Detox Center | Residential Treatment Center
Cocaine/Crack Treatment | Alcohol Rehab | Heroin/Oxycontin Treatment Center | Crystal Meth Treatment | Marijuana Treatment | Methadone Treatment | Suboxone Treatment
 
Local Treatment Resources and Events
 
Alabama | Alaska | Arizona | Arkansas | California | Colorado | Connecticut | DC | Delaware
Florida | Georgia | Hawaii | Idaho | Illinois | Indiana | Iowa | Kansas | Kentucky | Louisiana | Maine
Maryland | Massachusetts | Michigan | Minnesota | Mississippi | Missouri | Montana | Nebraska | Nevada | New Hampshire
New Jersey | New Mexico | New York | North Carolina | North Dakota | Ohio | Oklahoma | Oregon | Pennsylvania | Rhode Island
South Carolina | South Dakota | Tennesee | Texas | Utah | Vermont | Virginia | Washington | West Virginia | Wisconsin | Wyoming

© 2013 Internet Brands. | Privacy Policy | Terms of Use | Health Disclaimer
A proud member of the SoberRecovery® Network of Addiction and Recovery Websites