Mixed emotions - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

sailorjohn · 11-07-2009, 07:41 PM

The friend sends me a text message, wants me to attend the awards night at the local yacht club, we are up for a few flags, I am a part of the crew and wish to keep racing with these guys next year.

I replied almost reflexively back, no, he responded 'don't let ***** ruin our night'.

I pretty much knew the ex was going to be there, my reason for not attending, still feeling a little raw. But he's right, so I agreed to attend, as soon as I got back to the parking area saw her van parked between a couple of sailboats, and as luck would have it, her table is right next to ours. Oh well.

I arrived as late as I could, just before the start of the awards, actually won a pair of sailing gloves-hahhaha-and got to witness a little of her performance, working the room, a charming sociopath.

Loud voice sexual innuendoes, she was drinking, made a joke about lubricants-if I were a betting man, for my benefit-reinforces why I left, we obviously don't share the same values. Of course I left pretty much as soon as the awards were done.

Feeling down, but like I said, at least a little validated,

**Ann** · 11-08-2009, 05:57 AM

It's a shame that when a relationship is over that some people, like her, still need the drama.

You behaved with grace, showing up to be with your group, and leaving before it got uglier than it already was.

She owns her bad behaviour. Just be glad that her bad behaviour no longer owns you.

Hugs

imallright · 11-08-2009, 06:18 AM

Really. Now, when I see something or hear something from the ex that makes me nuts, I simply remind myself that I made the right decision!

teke · 11-08-2009, 06:31 AM

i agree with the others, i'm glad you were able to join your friends but i'm sorry that it was sort of uncomfortable for you. congratulations on your win. it takes time and your actions tell me that you will be just fine. you are still in my prayers/

lightseeker · 11-08-2009, 06:39 AM

agree with all of the above. You demonstrated class, loyalty to your crew, and great self care. Luckily it went as well as it could have. Keep on keepin on.

ZombieWife · 11-08-2009, 08:11 PM

I think a little "rising above it" goes a LONG LONG way. Congrats on your win (new gloves)! It sounds like she's really into drama? Ugh!

sailorjohn · 11-08-2009, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZombieWife

I think a little "rising above it" goes a LONG LONG way. Congrats on your win (new gloves)! It sounds like she's really into drama? Ugh!

Yeah, ironic beyond words, she would do something pretty outrageous things, then when I reacted-my bad, shoulda just walked away-she would accuse me of being 'into drama'.

BohemiMamaof3 · 11-09-2009, 05:05 PM

I can't add anything else! I agree with what's been said above. You were good to take the high road. Keep working your own recovery and it will hurt less and less. ((hug))

winnie12 · 11-10-2009, 06:45 AM

I think a man needs a woman by his side that he is proud to have next to him. This had to be validation that she is not the woman for you.

cassandra2 · 11-10-2009, 06:58 AM

And a confirmation of some of the reasons you are no longer together!!!!

Priceless...

URMYEVERYTHING · 11-10-2009, 12:54 PM

Sometimes we need to face our fears to become one with them. Instead of this experience getting you down, realize that you made the right decision for yourself and let it go before it destroyed you. There is power in that alone!

Congrats on your gloves!!

Keep sailing.

11-07-2009, 07:41 PM	#1 (permalink)
sailorjohn Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Baghdad Posts: 2,828	Mixed emotions The friend sends me a text message, wants me to attend the awards night at the local yacht club, we are up for a few flags, I am a part of the crew and wish to keep racing with these guys next year. I replied almost reflexively back, no, he responded 'don't let *** ruin our night'. I pretty much knew the ex was going to be there, my reason for not attending, still feeling a little raw. But he's right, so I agreed to attend, as soon as I got back to the parking area saw her van parked between a couple of sailboats, and as luck would have it, her table is right next to ours. Oh well. I arrived as late as I could, just before the start of the awards, actually won a pair of sailing gloves-hahhaha-and got to witness a little of her performance, working the room, a charming sociopath. Loud voice sexual innuendoes, she was drinking, made a joke about lubricants-if I were a betting man, for my benefit-reinforces why I left, we obviously** don't share the same values. Of course I left pretty much as soon as the awards were done. Feeling down, but like I said, at least a little validated, __________________ Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.

11-08-2009, 05:57 AM	#2 (permalink)
Ann Forum Leader Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: By The Lake Posts: 25,173	It's a shame that when a relationship is over that some people, like her, still need the drama. You behaved with grace, showing up to be with your group, and leaving before it got uglier than it already was. She owns her bad behaviour. Just be glad that her bad behaviour no longer owns you. Hugs __________________ “Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” ~Winnie the Pooh~

11-08-2009, 06:31 AM	#4 (permalink)
teke grateful rca Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: atlanta, ga. Posts: 4,660	i agree with the others, i'm glad you were able to join your friends but i'm sorry that it was sort of uncomfortable for you. congratulations on your win. it takes time and your actions tell me that you will be just fine. you are still in my prayers/ __________________ GOD LOVES YOU AND SO DO I

11-08-2009, 06:39 AM	#5 (permalink)
lightseeker Member Join Date: May 2005 Location: North Carolina Posts: 1,241 Blog Entries: 11	agree with all of the above. You demonstrated class, loyalty to your crew, and great self care. Luckily it went as well as it could have. Keep on keepin on. __________________ "If I stay in the light of what I can do to make my life better, rather than in the darkness of anger, blame and fear of the problem, my path remains lit and my world is a better place."

11-08-2009, 08:11 PM	#6 (permalink)
ZombieWife Member Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 677	I think a little "rising above it" goes a LONG LONG way. Congrats on your win (new gloves)! It sounds like she's really into drama? Ugh! __________________ ------- Take me out to the black Tell them I ain't comin' back Burn the land and boil the sea You can't take the sky from me There's no place I can be Since I found Serenity...

11-08-2009, 06:18 AM	#3 (permalink)
imallright Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Upstate, NY Posts: 696	Really. Now, when I see something or hear something from the ex that makes me nuts, I simply remind myself that I made the right decision!

11-09-2009, 05:05 PM	#8 (permalink)
BohemiMamaof3 Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Location: Sunshine State Posts: 412	I can't add anything else! I agree with what's been said above. You were good to take the high road. Keep working your own recovery and it will hurt less and less. ((hug)) __________________ Blessings, EB ----------------------------------------------- Let everyone sweep in front of his own door, and the whole world will be clean. -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

11-10-2009, 06:45 AM	#9 (permalink)
winnie12 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Marietta, GA Posts: 1,482	I think a man needs a woman by his side that he is proud to have next to him. This had to be validation that she is not the woman for you. __________________ I owe nothing to my brothers, nor do I gather debts from them. I ask none to live for me, nor do I live for any others. I am not the means to any end others may wish to accomplish. I am not a tool for their use. I am not a sacrifice on their altars. Ayn Rand

11-10-2009, 06:58 AM	#10 (permalink)
cassandra2 Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Reality...... Posts: 738	And a confirmation of some of the reasons you are no longer together!!!! Priceless... __________________ "People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within." Romana L. Anderson

11-10-2009, 12:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
URMYEVERYTHING Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 602	Sometimes we need to face our fears to become one with them. Instead of this experience getting you down, realize that you made the right decision for yourself and let it go before it destroyed you. There is power in that alone! Congrats on your gloves!! Keep sailing. __________________ If I had only one wish, it would be to cure all addictions.

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