sad

[barblsn]

My RAH's godson was found dead in his apt. He was addicted to alcohol and opiates. As he lived out of town, I only saw him a few times, and each time he was stoned out of his head, so I never knew him. My husband is taking this hard, saying he should have reached out more. RAH had told the godson several times about his own progression of addiction that included 2 prison terms of 2 years each. But of course, that wasn't going to happen to godson...he was different.

My husband's comments REALLY angered me. I asked him what magic words he would have used to get his godson to stop using, because I sure as heck never found them. He said he didn't know but he would have made sure his godson knew he was loved. I told my husband if love could stop someone from using drugs, my husband would have never set foot in a prison.

My husband's family is acting like their jerky selves; instead of realizing that time is short, and family is important, they're yelling at each other about funeral plans, who's not talking to who, who was there for godson and who wasn't....etc. And my husband is on edge, feels everyone, mainly me, is suspicious of him, certain he will now relapse. I told him I have learned that I can't do his recovery for him. I love him and am here for him, but it's up to him to keep his sobriety. He has been in touch with his sponsor. And I am talking to you!

[sojourner]

Barblsn: Sorry to hear about the loss of this young life. It must be hard for you to step back and away from the drama/anger that you see. Imagine how hard it is for your husband to not get sucked into that chaos. Imagine how impossible it is for the family to not be in that chaos. Unfortunately, the first thing to go away, when untreated addiction is present, is verbal communication. And when something like this happens, it is the most natural thing in the world to have regrets, to have thoughts about what more we could have done. Remember in "Schindler's List" when Liam Neeson (sp?) was standing at his car and started sobbing because he realized he could have saved more people, he could have done more, he could have sold his gold ring for 3 more lives saved, but now it was too late to do any more. He should have done more, he could have done more.

Your husband is doing the right thing by talking with his sponsor, and you're doing the right thing by continuing to come here.

Prayers and hugs, Sojourner

[lauren]

It is sad and a needless loss when someone gives in to
the ultimate destruction of addiction being death. It is
a battle of self destruct or a battle of self preservation.
Either way it is rough road and some give up, some work
harder and survive to come to a place of peace.

When your husband stated he would tell his godson he loves
him..to me that was a good statement..not a statement to
create anger in you.

You also said the same thing to him..You love him..and his
recovery is up to him..support without involvement into the
chaos..

Perhaps you could see his words as having the same meaning
as your words to him.. Support in his way..


lauren

[outtolunch]

I think it's sometimes referred to as suvivor's guilt.

People usually react emotionally when something like this happens and too often blame themselves or others for what happened.

Overdose is a risk that all addicts live with each and every day.
They alone, own that risk and the consequenses.

[Ann]

I am sorry about this young man's death and my prayers go out for all who loved him.

As much as we know, as much as addicts already know, I think it's always a shock when we lose one to addiction.

Hugs for both of you.