Please help me!

[katnip43]

First of all, I hope I am posting in the correct forum; if not please correct me. I have been a recovering addict for over 4 years. In 2005 I had no choice but to leave my husband. We fed off each others addictions. Both of our choice of drugs was painkillers, in particular oxycontin. I have been clean since August 2005, but because of certain circumstances I'd rather not explain, the last time I talked to my husband was in March '08. A week ago, I was informed by my insurance company about a rate change. When I called, their first words were "our condolences for the death of your husband!". Neither of us ever bothered to file for divorce because of money but ironically I was about to try Legal Aid because I haven't been able to work for over two years.

Long story short, I was livid not to hear about this. I called SS and they said he had been deceased since 7/8/09. I was devastated. Cause of death - Abuse of Prescription Drugs! I know it's not my fault, but I feel so guilty. When we were together years ago, he always threatened to kill himself if I left him. He had turned his parents against me so I had to order a death certificate. Immediate cause acute myocardial infarction exaccaberted by hypertension, and as I mentioned CAUSE of DEATH - prescription pain killers. I have never been to Nar-Anon, only Al-Anon. I did find a group for Survivor's of Suicide but they only meet twice a month. If I go to Nar-Anon, is it prohibited to talk about suicides via overdose from a loved one. I was one of those that NEVER thought I would be a suicide survivor. I haven't been able to sleep more than a couple hours a night since I heard this disturbing news.

Has anyone else been a victim of suicide from drug overdose? And even if not, anyone have any supportive news. I sit and cry all night, especially when I'm alone. I've asked my Mom if I could stay with her a few days because I am so distraght. I am so sorry about the "novel" I just wrote.

Regards,

Leslie

[Ann]

If I go to Nar-Anon, is it prohibited to talk about suicides via overdose from a loved one. I was one of those that NEVER thought I would be a suicide survivor. I haven't been able to sleep more than a couple hours a night since I heard this disturbing news.

Welcome to SR, Katnip, and indeed you have come to the right forum.

I am so sorry, this must have been a terrible shock even though you had been estranged from him.

To answer your question above, it is not prohibited, and in fact you may find that you are not the only person in the room who has lost someone to death because of addiction. I encourage you to go, meetings can help you more than you can imagine today, and I promise you that you won't regret it.

Alsp, stick around and read some of the sticky posts at the top. They may help you too to understand that it is not your fault. You didn't cause it, can't control it and can't cure it...and you are not responsible for the outcome. Nothing we do or don't do makes a whit of difference if the addict chooses to remain active in their addiction. All the love in the world cannot save them, if it could not one of us would be here.

Sharing your pain may help in some way to lighten your load. There are others here who may come along who have also lost loved ones to death from addiction, and they can share what helped them get through it.

Just know that we're here and we care.

Hugs

[splendra]

Hey there ((((katnip)))

Welcome to Sober Recovery.

I am so sorry for your loss. May your H rest in peace.

Was his death officially ruled a suicide? It could have very well been an accident. Did he leave a note stating his intention? It could make a lot of difference on any insurance claim you may have.

May people have been driven to Naranon because a loved one's death was related to drug over dose. My prayers go out for you. Keep posting because you will find tremendous support here.

[CarolD]

Hello Leslie.....Mega

Prayers for yoour peace of mind coming your way.
I'm sorry for your pain and loss.

[outonalimb]

Leslie,

my deepest sympathy goes out to you.

I lost a brother to this horrible disease. I also lost a marriage to it.
As a recovering addict, I'm sure you must know that nothing you could have said or done would have made your husband clean. Nothing. Recovery is a personal decision and its one your husband choose not to make. Please don't let this effect you or your recovery. I'm glad you reached out for support. You'll find lots of it here, I'm sure.

My deepest sympathies to you and big hugs too

[Impurrfect]

(((Leslie)))

Big hugs to you!! I can't imagine how hard this is on you.

I am glad you found us. There are several other people here who have lost loved ones to overdose - whether intentional or accidental and often, which one it is, is never known.

I am a recovering addict (RA) with a few people I love who are addicts. Please remember how hard-headed WE were when we were using...no one could convince us to quit until we were darned good and ready.

This is a great place with a lot of support. Whether you go to nar-anon or al-anon (they usually have more frequent meetings) you will find more support and, as Ann said, will probably find someone with circumstances similar to your own.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Learn2Live]

I am so sorry Leslie.

It's OK to be sad and distraught and cry and be depressed. It's OK to be exactly what you are. This too will pass, please believe and trust that.

Your husband is at peace now, remember that.

Please make sure you are not alienating yourself completely from people and if you find that you go too long isolating, unable to stop crying, etc, please see a doctor. So important.
:praying

[keepstrong]

Leslie,

I'm very sorry to hear this. My ex addicted girlfriend's exboyfriend died of a cocaine overdose in the beginning stages of our "relationship" over 2 years ago. Basically, she broke it off with him to be with me. I had no knowledge of his addiction or any details of their relationship. I only knew that she didn't want to be with him any longer and that I couldn't be with anyone if they were still involved.

After he passed away... trying to keep her sane, trying to keep her happy and from messing up her life, while going through the same emotions.. guilt, suffering, stress, pain, regret.. almost took me from my family and friends.

It was a full time job looking after her and her wellbeing while trying to keep my life together. I was trying to hold the world on my shoulders to keep an abused and addicted person from doing the worst possible thing.

I had been drug free for a long time before and during our time together, but I had turned to alcohol in the worst possible way, to keep my emotions numb, to help her.

It was the most insane thing I ever did, and after I finally had had enough (she was still abusing drugs, completely hiding it from me, and possibly even sleeping with multiple people... she wasn't getting any better, and I needed to get better), I broke it off completely, harshly, and fairly abruptly.

Afterwords, I finally experienced a flood of intense emotions; suicidal depression, guilt, shame, aggression, anger, and insanity. Not only that but it was pure torture getting up and going to work and I withdrew completely from my friends and family.

I ended up with a DWI last December and had very few people on my side left. The ones that stood by, I'll always appreciate them for what they did for me and what they taught me.

If I can share anything with you, I want you to know that whatever your experiencing are feelings that will eventually pass. Go easy on yourself during this time, allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling, but do not go back to substances. Try to go through the normal motions, and treat yourself to good things.

Bubble baths, spa, massages, friend's functions, etc.
Make sure you stick to people that you can trust with your emotions.

Do not blame yourself for what happened, as it is not your fault. There were a million situations where things could have been different, from childhood, to the first time a person picked up and used, to everywhere in between.

Although I am a warm hearted person who would do anything for someone I cared about, I was way in over my head, and I just couldn't go on, despite the fact that I loved her with all my heart and wanted nothing more than for us to be happy together. I was even worried for months after that something terrible might happen, but I realize now that I had to break it off to save myself.

Keep posting your feelings and reach out to those that are able and willing to help. We are here to listen!

[Suspicious]

I am so sorry for your loss. Please know that there was nothing you could have done to keep it from happening. You are fully aware that sobriety was an option for him as you did it yourself. He made the choice to not get straight. Please dont let this effect your own sobriety

[breakingfree88]

Leslie,
Welcome to SR. I'm very sorry for your loss and agree with everyone here that addiction is so strong there was nothing different you could have done to change the course of circumstances. Like others have said, was it officially ruled a suicide? It doesn't seem like someone could voluntarily induce a heart attack by taking too many painkillers (a depressant) although I'm not a physician so of course I can't say for sure. It must be very hard to hear what you did and I can't believe no one told you before now, but I'm proud of you for seeking help. Keep sharing, we're here for you!

[Done_With_It]

Welcome to SR Katnip, I'm so glad you found us.

I'm very sorry for your loss. Like the others said it wasn't your fault,
no ones lives but our own is the one we are responsible for.

My Mom and her mom (and the rest of us) lost her little brother to suicide.
As bad as it hurts with time it does get easier to deal with.
You sounds like you are doing so many of the right things, and you will get
as much and even more support here than you can imagine.

[teke]

hi,welcome. i'm so sorry about your loss. i agree with the others. i'm a recovering addict married to an active addict and i too had to separate in order to save myself. im sure you probably did all you could to help him to see that he needed to stop but the choice was his and there really was nothing you could do.

i lost my brother to the disease and i had to fight the feelings of guilt. maybe you could attend as many meetings as possible, it does get a little easier as time goes on.

[greeteachday]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my daughter to an accidental overdose and I understand how devastating this is. I was in a Naranon group for about 4 months when she died...I was not as comfortable with other support groups for those who have lost children (but that is just me) and have found great comfort and support with Naranon. Yes, I have spoken of my loss and its effects at meetings and I also found the friendships I have made in my own recovery program have helped me in so many ways to walk through the pain of addiction and losing a loved one. Keep reading and posting -0 there's much support here.

[indigo]

Welcome I am so sorry please know it was in no way your fault. Please try not to let yourself be overcome by "what if's" you did your best. Again my sincerest wishes to you.

[Wolfchild]