bad inluences, recipe for relapse??? - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Old 04-25-2009, 01:18 PM   #1 (permalink)
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bad inluences, recipe for relapse???


My childhood friend (age 23) has been smoking oxy contin for the last 2 years. She was rarely coming around, so we suspected something, but she always denied it. Her new boyfriend brought it to the attention of her parents and family and organized an intervention. She tried to run out and drive off, but was wrestled to the ground and eventually gave in the the intervention. She admitted she was addicted, but wanted to wait a week before going in to rehab, smoking what she could in the meantime. She made it 2 weeks in rehab before she was kicked out for breaking too many rules.

Her parents are well off and have always spoiled her; gifts, money, a new truck, paying her insurance, cell phone bill, gas card, etc. She is living with her grandma for free now (she had been living there since october) and does not have a job. She said she wants to get one, but really wants to make AA a priority. I am hopeful for that, but where we live there seems to be 10 meetings on the hour, every hour so it seems like more of an excuse to me.

She admitted that she was still talking to her old friends that she would get high with, including the guy that got her hooked on oxy -- claiming she wants to be support for him, even though she hasn't completed the first step yet. Other "friends" have already called her to come out and get high with them, although she said she declined their offer. Since I can remember, she has always been very susceptible to outside influence so I am concernced that she is playing with fire by continuing with these "friendships". When she was discharged from rehab the counselor warned her that she was highly likely to relapse.

Do any of you have a success story --- an addict staying sober even while keeping the bad influences in their life? I just want to be informed. I realize that I can't change her, but regardless of these past 2 years, I still care. It's great to have a site like this for information and support. Thanks so much!
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Old 04-25-2009, 01:25 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Do any of you have a success story --- an addict staying sober even while keeping the bad influences in their life?
I don't. As an addict I had to get far away from people who used drugs. Eventually I stopped wanting to be around people like that. It's just a recipe for disaster and they don't have the same goals and values I do anyway. I value living life on lifes terms. Drug users value getting high and escaping from reality.

The key to recovery is getting rid of the bad influences in your life. If they are still around, it's only a matter of time...
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Old 04-25-2009, 03:17 PM   #3 (permalink)
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When I got clean, I still new some people that used drugs. I thought I could still be their friend, but as time went on, I realized that I didn't have much in common with them. I had grown, and they hadn't. When ever I did see those people, they were high, and it started to irritate me. I still tried to like them, but they would call me to do things, and I really didn't want to. After a while they got mad at me, for not making time for them anymore. It hurt me a bit, but it was a blessing in disguise. Odds are if she is hanging out with the people that she got high with, that she is still using. Especially opiates. They have the highest relapse rate out of all the drugs. I don't know for sure, but time will tell.
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Old 04-26-2009, 03:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Do any of you have a success story --- an addict staying sober even while keeping the bad influences in their life? I just want to be informed.
As long as an addict is playing on the same playground with the same playmates they will never stay clean..


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She is living with her grandma for free now (she had been living there since october) and does not have a job. She said she wants to get one, but really wants to make AA a priority. I am hopeful for that, but where we live there seems to be 10 meetings on the hour, every hour so it seems like more of an excuse to me.
Why should she get a job when her Grandmother and other family members are enabeling her.

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She made it 2 weeks in rehab before she was kicked out for breaking too many rules.
My guess from everything that you are saying... she is still using.. Red flags are everywhere... getting kicked out of rehab shows she wasn't serious, hanging out with the same crowd, recipie for disaster.. Just because someone goes to an AA or NA meeting does not mean that they are clean.. My AH went to AA and NA almost religiously his first time around.. picked up chips and the whole nine yards and all the while he was still using..

I have never heard of anyone smoking OXY's.. snorting them yes, smoking them no.. are you sure it was herion and not oxy's that she was smoking.. ( although oxy's are just a pill form of herion so it's basicly the same thing) I say this because opiates are the devil to get off of.. two weeks in rehab is not even the tip of the iceburg for an opiate addiction..

What are you doing for you and how much does this friendship mean to you? My advice is not to get involved and distance yourself from her entirely... sounds cruel but if you stick around you will be sucked into a world of chaos and insanity without ever picking up the first drug..
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Old 04-27-2009, 06:33 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I have never heard of anyone smoking OXY's..
Oh I have. And I've seen it. And I think I participated in it. I thought it was lame. But it's a popular way to do the drug. Ya see once your nose membrane is destroyed, the next step is smoking it. It gets to your brain faster, gets you higher quicker, and then leaves you craving more sooner. Your addiction has progressed. Oh and it doesn't leave track marks... that's the next progression - shooting oxys.
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Old 04-27-2009, 06:43 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by isabelle77 View Post
Do any of you have a success story --- an addict staying sober even while keeping the bad influences in their life? I just want to be informed. I realize that I can't change her, but regardless of these past 2 years, I still care. It's great to have a site like this for information and support. Thanks so much!
Nope, and based on my personal experience as a recovering A, there is no legitimate reason for me to keep those associations.

Like I've heard said a few times at AA, hang out at the barbershop long enough and you'll end up with a haircut.
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Old 04-27-2009, 07:45 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Thank you all for your input. I figured the odds were not in her favor if she continues to see these people, just hoped I might read a success story against those odds. It seems pretty clear to me what she should and shouldn't be doing to work on her recovery.

Jerect - She said she was smoking oxy, although she referred to it as heroin a few times. She said it was because the highs are very similar, but I still have questions about that. From what I have read, many oxy addicts turn to heroin since it is so much cheaper. I have known her most of my life... we were family friends growing up. We have grown apart over the last couple years, but I wanted to be there for her when all of this came to a head. I live a very good (and responsible!) life so I you make a good point: Distancing myself may be best. I really want to be supportive and not give up on her too early, but if she isn't truly dedicating herself to this then I am wasting my energy. I can't do it for her.

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts - it's very appreciated!
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Old 04-28-2009, 07:18 PM   #8 (permalink)
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yes to the smoking oxy question
I learn something new every day..I saw many plastic parts of pens lying around while my AH was using.. I just assumed he was snorting which is just as bad.. I never even concieved that he could have been smoking that stuff but then again I would not have been surprised either.. Just shows you how naive I was/still am on some things.. I dunno, sometimes ignorance is bliss I guess..
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Old 11-07-2009, 05:07 AM   #9 (permalink)
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she is only doing and saying what she knows her family wants to hear... she can in no way stay friends with any of these people.... shes not trying to stop... and he wont try unless she actually WANTS to stop... the withdrawls are very hard... what i would recomend... if her family is going to force her into getting off the stuff... is to move her to a location that she isnt familiar with...but go with her to support her.. i mean.... if you have a relative who wants to help... and is out of state... preferably totally across the country... and not anywhere a "friend" could show up to "spend time with her and be supportive" all that is... is a drug run... she needs to be in an unfamilar place so that she has NO connections.. and doesnt know anyone who out help her find more drugs... you would need to be there for i would say no less than a month.. but be prepared to stay longer.... and if she doesnt want to quit... she will just start again when shes around all her so called friends... she probably needs some kind of motivation to stop... l like.. i dont know... a new car or a vacation she would want... if the family has money. .they can offer these things.. .when most ppl just have to grit their teeth and bear it.... also.. if they have money.. .why dont they take her to a high end rehab... and have her put into a drug induced comma where they detox her while she sleeps.. .and when she wakes up.. she is perfectly clean... that only likes errrmm... 2 days maybe? i dont remember... and then she would need therapy to be and stay motivated to stay clean... also... AA and NA arent very effective.. .all they do is talk about drugs.. whick.. to an adict just makes them want to NO drugs.. lots of people use NA and AA for hookups on finding MORE drugs.... i would suggest taking her to a therapist that doesnt try to make her come clean by shoving god down her throat like AA and NA do... and give all kinds of tasks like apologizing to each and every person you have wronged in your past.. these things are not needed... and not at all needed to become clean....

well there you go.... that is my advice... move with her where she would know NO ONE... and have no possible way of getting hookups.. and go with her every time she leaves the house.. .this way she cant meet new hookups..... and it sounds like shes the type that would need a reward at the end of it all... not just being healthy.... it woudlnt be enough reward for her....

good luck!
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