countdown desperation

[hydrogirl]

Today, my BF had a real estate assessment team come to his home to make suggestions about what to do to make the house more sellable. He rarely sees his AS who is out late at night and comes back during the wee hours, so he left him a note telling him about their arrival and that they would need to get into EVERY room in the house.

That's right.....he meets the team, they get to his room, open the door....there he is crashed in his bed boxers only and all!

As you may recall from previous posts, the AS almost died over the summer from his drinking and is now using crack. Apparently his doctor wants to see him on Friday but for some reason could not reach him....so called his dad. So, my BF calls him to tell him, and AS is just sarcastic and hateful. Well, since he is already behaving like an a**, my BF decides to go ahead and also ask him "So how is the job hunt going? Have you looked for someplace to live?" More venom from the son, of course! He even managed to talk his dad into printing out some listings for apartments from Craigs List!

I just keep thinking the boxer shorts in bed incident is the AS's passive-aggressive attempt to manipulate his father into delaying the sale of the house for as long as possible. Any time a job possibility is mentioned, he has a million excuses why he can't even apply (I can't get to the internet, I have no way to get there.....). When a place to rent is mentioned he has excuses again about not being able to get to the internet to look for anything or it's in a "bad" neighborhood (so....you are a verbally abusive addict, you have no job, you have no money, you don't even help around the house....and you want to live in a penthouse at your father's expense ).

My BF is determined his son will be out at the end of his 30-day eviction notice....and his AS is determined to see that it won't happen! It is really going to get horribly ugly from here, I'm so afraid! I want this kid to get some help, but how much more can anyone take of this?

Ugh....sorry for the rant!
HG

[laurie6781]

Suggest that your BF start filing complaints with the police each time he gets even 'verbally abusive.'

Then the day before he is to be evicted go to court and get a Temporary Restraining Order to also be served the same day as the eviction.

As soon as he shows back up at the house, call police and they will remove.

In 2 or 3 weeks he will have to go to court to get Permanent restraining Order.

It is his son, it is up to him.

Are you and/or he attending AlAlanon or NarAnon?

Love and hugs,

[winnie12]

Seems to me that its the son that should be embarrased by it not your BF. I would have just walked in and done what needed to be done and let the son be the object of the ridicule instead of myself.

My court counselor and i discussed how my son just sleeps all day now - she said the next time his PO comes by and he's still in bed, just direct him to his bedroom and let nature take its course. if my son is embarrased at being caught in bed at 2:00 in the afternoon in his boxers then that's his problem. I got my clothes on - no ones laughing at me.

[outtolunch]

Awfulizing the future again, eh?

Is there anything you can do to mitigate the dread of THE EXODUS OF THE BIG BAD BOXER SHORT GUY? Can you have some fun with it?

Can you picture your BF playing Anthony Hopkins as Hannibel Lechture with the gagged Florentine inspector played by son, strapped in to the upright gurney and BF going OKEY DOKEY right before the big push-off ( we'll leave out the unnecessary gore).

Get that Okey Dokey down.

[hydrogirl]

Thanks everyone! Laurie...I have talked to my BF about writing everything down. Whether he has or not, I don't know yet. You are right. It's his son, so it's his decision. He was telling me yesterday that his AS was complaining that his sister had the NERVE to go off and get married and move on....sadly for him, he had no live in cook/maid any more.

Winnie: I'll pass that along to my BF. Luckily, one of the realtors is a friend of his from church and knows the whole story. I think that made it a bit better. But you are right...my BF was fully dressed--no shame there!

OTL: Yeah, I know, I'm good about building all sorts of scenarios in my head waiting for some event to happen...the absolute champ! But I'm going to try to remember that today...no one is in the hospital, no big ugly confrontations are occurring, and perhaps the whole boxer short incident will temporarily motivate the A to get out and look for job/apartment.

[Angel09]

You said there haven't been any confrontations yet, but maybe you should have a safety plan? And always have your cell on you? Your safety is at high risk. His "friends" may appear.

[MyJoey]

Hydrogirl, I think Angel is right about a safety plan, maybe having a lot of people around on moving day is a good idea, he will be less likely to lash out with so many people there. I will be praying for you and BF, I sure hope all works out well and he gets some help or a least gives his dad some peace. I worry that he will just break back in later.

[hydrogirl]

When the AS first started with the threats and hateful language, my BF and I spent some time "armoring" his bedroom against the A....new locks, his own smoke detector. It just sounds incredible that stuff like that needs be done to protect yourself against your own child.

Lately the young man has been fairly docile and behaving like a sort-of reasonable human, but we are all a bit suspicious because we think this A believes that nothing will really happen. But it will.....

My BF has already been to the magistrate once, and will return when he has to file the eviction request for the police to show up.

Thank you Angel and MyJoey for your concern. He does have some plans in place...the eviction itself (if the A does not leave voluntarily before the deadline) will be handled by law enforcement officers. He will have to return all keys he owns at that time. I do not know if my BF plans on filing a temporary restaining order, but I suppose that depends on what happens between now and then. If need be, he can stay at my place that night so that if his son returns to do something stupid, he won't get hurt in the process.

[hydrogirl]

Originally Posted by hydrogirl

As you may recall from previous posts, the AS almost died over the summer from his drinking and is now using crack. Apparently his doctor wants to see him on Friday but for some reason could not reach him....so called his dad. So, my BF calls him to tell him, and AS is just sarcastic and hateful. HG

My, my, my....so the doctor's appointment was today....turns out when AS went to the emergency room a week ago Sunday (you may recall the little taking the car, calling the police, day of fun?), they did blood work and a drug panel on him. Apparently, since this doctor was listed in their records as his doctor from his alcohol meltdown, they sent these results to his office. Well, this doctor laid everything out in front of him today.

*I want you to live, but I can't help you if you lie to me and continue in your self-destructive ways.
*Someday you may need a liver transplant because of your drinking, and I will not recommend one if you continue to take illegal drugs of any kind.

Then the doctor continued by telling him all the things that crack can do to your body as well as a few additional things it can do to someone whose liver is compromised.

So.....the clock is still ticking for his departure from my BF's house, and we'll just see if any of this will get through. This doctor really cares about the young man.

Thanks for listening!
HG