?!?!?!?!

Old 09-14-2010, 07:27 PM
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?!?!?!?!

So you all know that court went well. Point was made and it's over. Since then, he and I have been talking, spending time together etc; It's very bizarre. (but nice) He's doing well, still drinks but doesn't seem to overdo it and is working his butt off everyday............ I miss him. WHAT is my problem? I've been kinda seeing this other man casually but he just doesn't give me that spark like my ex does. I even saw his folks last Sat. night and his mom and I hugged and talked briefly. It was really great to see her. So much has happened, so much said but in the end, I still love these people. I dare say I still have love for him.. Any advice from anybody out there? I don't want to mess up his recovery and I also can't forget what happened. It still hurts me when I think about it and I've told him so. Am I addicted to the addict or was I really in love? I'm 41 damn years old and still can't figure this sh&% out.
Kim
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Old 09-14-2010, 07:44 PM
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Nevermind. Didn't like that post and deleted it
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Old 09-15-2010, 06:06 AM
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I don't know about you, but when I've ended relationships I've had to take some time and remain detached. Its very hard to move on if you are still seeing him and talking to him.

Everyone is different, but I'd say be careful. There's a reason you were in court.

Hope all works out well for you

(((Hugs)))
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:15 AM
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we've been detached for almost a year! Just started talking again about a month ago. We were in court because I felt he needed to face some consequences for his actions. We've talked about that and he understands. (Not like I needed justification) It's nice to see him doing well. I can't help thinking about the one post about: what do you get when a horse thief stops drinking? a sober horse thief! I'm not looking for the past, I don't want a relationship but I can't lie, I still care about him alot! I'm also proud of his accomplishments and hope he does well. I thought a year would make him go away but when I saw him..................... wtf?
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Old 09-15-2010, 07:41 AM
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[QUOTE=ladyhawk69;2708885]

It's very bizarre. (but nice) He's doing well, still drinks but doesn't seem to overdo it and is working his butt off everyday............ I miss him.

It is bizarre that someone in recovery still drinks, given alcohol is the most common gateway back into drugs.

I don't want to mess up his recovery .....

You can't mess up his recovery any more than you can complel him to recover. His choice to " still drink" may be the greatest risk to his own recovery. /QUOTE]
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Old 09-15-2010, 03:02 PM
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No, I beg to differ, I was detached. I even was dating somebody else (still see him actually). I'll gather by your comment that addicts NEVER CHANGE and when the next person writes in and asks, we should all just answer with a resounding NO. Like I said, I'm not looking for the past and don't want a relationship however I still care about him. Yes, bizarre he drinks sometimes I get that but it's his fight, not mine, and it will be for the rest of his life. All I am saying is that it's been a year and I still care like I just met him yesterday. God tells us to forgive, I can do that, just not forget. I have talked to him about EVERYTHING I have vented to this board. Believe me, he's not getting my friendship easily.
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Old 09-15-2010, 03:50 PM
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My personal boundary is:

I choose not to be around my ex (OR ANYONE) when he is active in addiction.

I have decided that I love myself TOO MUCH to put myself through the emotional turmoil that comes hand in hand with the addict. I choose serenity.

Do you have any personal boundaries when it comes to being around someone active active in addiction? Did you in the past? Or was it always ok with you that he drinks?
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Old 09-15-2010, 05:42 PM
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He's still drinking... that isn't recovery, and it isn't yours to mess up.

That's all on him.

Would you go back to the way things were?
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Old 09-16-2010, 09:42 AM
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Thank you EVERYBODY for making me see. I had a conversation (with myself) last night and asked myself a very important question: Would you ever be able to fully trust him again? My answer was NO. I am stepping away again. Maybe this was another test for me from my HP. It's the decisions I make that make my life what it is today and I think he would be a bad decision. No, I know he would be.... Hugs everybody who responded! With Gods help I can forgive, but I should never forget...
Kim
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Old 09-16-2010, 09:49 AM
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Originally Posted by anvilhead View Post
just a refresher, this happened when HE WAS DRINKING:

Last night, he dipped into the vodka and was very argumentative. We argued a bit and he got violent. Grabbed my face and my arm. Crying the whole time and asking him to stop, his only response was "boo hoo". Literally, that's what he said! That really hurt me emotionally because I have breast cancer and just had surgery 1 1/2 weeks ago. I had 12 lymph nodes removed and THAT WAS THE ARM HE WAS GRABBING. He managed to take $200.00 out of my purse when I wasn't looking. (money for christmas for my two young kids) I called the police, sent him away, turned off his phone and am not looking back.

and then again:
I've been coming on this board for almost a year now. As you all know, I am permanently seperated from my EXAABF. We finally went to court tonight concerning the money he owed for skipping out on the rent. It went well. I wouldn't have cared if he gave me 10 bucks! The fact being that he was FINALLY accountable for some of his actions. I also got to witness enabling at its best. Mommy and Daddy were there of course and she acted like a 13 yr old with her gasps and comments. He still drinks, he still hangs at the club, he still goes out with his friend K, and they still don't see it. (2 am the other night and drove his truck!) I feel great knowing that I finally have my closure and don't have to go through anymore. They will............again.............and again................until they let go.


today he still chooses to drink. not much has really CHANGED there, has it? i'd suggest caution...
I'm confused. Is this a long ago post by "ladyhawk69"?

If it is................. how can you ever feel anything for this kind of person?

I went through 2 cancers. Had a mascectomy of my right breast, then 4 months later had discovered colon cancer and had to wear a colostomy bag for 9 months while on chemo. I also drank the whole time cause it was too humiliating and depressing. If it wasn't for my husband, I might have drunk my self to death.

Please find someone that will be kind to you, and especially when your going through such trauma as dealing with cancer. PLEASE!
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Old 09-18-2010, 05:38 AM
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Well history does repeat. We were going to do something last night and i cancelled because I had my son. I had asked him to come over and see what I've done with the place (just for a little bit) and maybe pick up some more things. He responded "too late". LOL Too late for what???? After that, he decided to go to "the club". I txt him "what happened to your friday night meetings?" - no response. I guess the only thing that has changed is me. He's not in active recovery and God put him in my path to test me and see how I would handle it this time. This time....I won't get sucked in. Remimd me of this post in a month or two will ya? lol
Thanks everybody!!
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Old 09-18-2010, 05:46 AM
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:ghug3
Stay Strong LadyHawk
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Old 09-19-2010, 04:43 PM
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@mercy...YOUR avatar says it all....LET GO OR GET DRAGGED
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