I do not agree with this at all

[dixied]

Friends,

My son has been in rehab for almost nine months. We will go to pick him up next week for his divorce hearing. It is a five hour drive one way. My husband wants to take my son to a college ball game for some time just to be together knowing that the divorce will have been hard on him. Then he plans to take him back the next day to rehab. He has asked the counselor and the counselor says fine by him.
My problem is that my husband did not tell the counselor that all of the people around tailgate and of course that includes alcohol. Plus the college students enjoying a college football atmosphere......I said to dh I didn't think that was such a great idea. He told me if our son could not handle a day at a ballgame then its better to know it up front.
Any thoughts from anyone?
thanks dixied

[hello-kitty]

My only thought is that you didn't cause it. You can't control it. You can't cure it.

I hope your son will be fine. I hope he doesn't drink. But if he does, there's nothing you or I can do about it.

If he doesn't, boy wouldn't that be awesome! Maybe just hope for the best...

[anvilhead]

does your husband plan on drinking? seems to me skipping the tailgating would make sense. IF his true intention/wish was to spend time with your son, he could certainly find another activity that wasn't so certain to have drinking at the center???? that's borderline mean, if you ask me....now sure, after son has transitioned out of the protective environment of rehab into the real world, he will and must learn to accept that booze is around...however it is advisable that he not stand in the middle of the whoop di doing!!!

[Freedom1990]

Unless the counselor has been living in a cave all of his life, I'm sure he's aware of what goes on at college games, including tailgating parties and drinking, no?

I think your husband has the right attitude about it.

I was in rehab for 30 days, then it was back out to the land of the living. That included getting a full-time job in a week's time, and being a divorced parent in recovery.

[Done-With-It]

Does your son want to go to the ballgame?

If he does, I don't see a problem with it.

When I was in treatment for my ED they
made me go on a lot of outtings with my
parents in places that were extremely
uncomfortable and scary for me.
Food is a lot different, but it was still
something "I" had to learn to handle.

You can go to a mall now and order a beer,
it is everywhere, eventually he is going to have
to learn how to handle it.

I do see your point/fear, I would let your son and his
counselor decide. That is how me and my counselor
and parents handled it. My counselors and me knew
what was best for me.



JME&O
{{Dixied}}

[marle]

My daughter went to a baseball game and I did not worry a bit because I know that if she wanted to drink or do drugs she could get either one at the place that she works. You have to trust in your son's HP and in your son's ability to do the next right thing. After all he can't stay in rehab forever and someday he will have to make decisions based on what is best for him. And he already is making a good decision by staying in rehab for 9 months. I know it is hard not to worry but you can't change what he does anyways, so if he goes it might be wise to plan a day for yourself and stay busy to keep your mind occupied. Hope things work out and try not to worry forward too much Hugs, Marle

[greeteachday]

I can understand your apprehension, Dixied, but I know for me, when I start thinking that way, I look at my motivation. Am I reacting based on my best interests, or am I still trying to control that which I can not control (my spouse, my coworkers, my friends, my child) For me it isn't about addiction - it is about life. I need to check to see if this is something within my hoolahoop or outside of it. If this was my daughter and my husband, I think I would choose to trust the process and let her HP and her work it out. It's not in my hoola hoop, so I have to let it go.
Hugs

[Impurrfect]

(((Dixied)))

I understand your worry, but he's had a long time to learn the tools of recovery...now he gets to put them to use. I agree it's probably not the BEST of places to go, but he may have a great time and not drink.

I work with a guy who used to sell crack...can get it for me any time I want it. I don't want it. I'm hoping your son's recovery is as important to him, as mine is to me.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy