Husband is a Heroin addict

[Heartbrokenwife]

Hi guys my heart is breaking. My husband for the last year has been on heroin. He was sober for six years and his wonderful mother got him started on it again, she's his running partner. I feel so alone and lost I havent had a husband for months all he soes is lie and pick fights with me and then disappears for hours. He was arrested for it and has a court date coming up and secretlt I'm hoping he does time this way he cant run from treatment anymore. Every day since I bonded him out "I'm going into treatment" "tommarrow" " I messed up but I dont want to lose you or our son" "I dont want this life" but he does the same crap everyday the same excuses not to go into treatment. I keep calling but he hasn't went home yet no answer. I worry so much about him. He is probably with his crappy mother she is a junkie and will put her son in the grave next to her she doesnt care she laughs at his problem, and acts like he isn't sick, that kills me as a mother I could never act that way towards my son or want to do him any harm like that. I lay in bed next to him and have him touch me and i feel dirty because I feel like a stranger is touching me not the man I love and married. I'm leaving him tonight after him not showing up and taking off on his brother who was visiting(he is mentally diabled and in dss care from their mother) he finally gets to visit his brother and his brother takes off on him to shoot up. He ignores our beautiful baby boy hes a 1yr and 4months and doesnt even pay him attention. Since he was born my husband was there and just this last year getting addicted he ignores him. He was a wonderful husband and father. That man is gone and now so I'm I, he obviously loves the dope more than his son and I. I will be there for him but from a safe distance because I need to be there for my son and me being emotionally drained off of him I have none for my son, but no more he is not bringing me down with him anymore, nor our baby boy and when he decides to clean up he can come around and see if we want anything to do with him since he abandoned us for too long. I love him and want him back but he's to far gone, I cry and cry and beg and beg and it does no good.Maybe losing us will be his down fall into getting into recovery and staying

[BBD]

Hi heartbrokenwife, I can feel your pain through your words. I'can't imagine any mother doing this to their child but it seems his mom has major problems also. I'm sorry your hurting but you must take care of yourself and your baby first. My son is the addict in my life (cocaine)) and the first thing I did when I found out was to go to counceling. Then I started to attend Alanon meetings. You can't imagine how much that helped. I had no clue about the world of drugs and my problem was that I was always there bailing this kid out. It had to stop to have Chris face his addiction. Maybe you can find a meeting around where you live......I grew up in Conn. (Wallingford)) that would help some, I'm sure. Big hugs and smiles and keep coming back. This site is amazing. Bonnie

[littlebird77]

wow... you are NOT alone! My (I don't know if I can call him ex) addicted boyfriend's mother is the same way.

[Impurrfect]

Welcome to SR!

I'm sorry for what you are going through, but you will find some wonderful people here, full of ES&H (experience, strength & hope).

I'm a recovering addict, but have been a codie (codependent) for a long, long time and have had to leave my ex behind because he's still using.

I'm glad you are putting yourself and your baby first. An addict will keep using until the consequences get bad enough that they hit bottom. Although it's very hard to do, the best thing you can do for him is let him fall. His mother is obviously not helping his situation, but he can find recovery, despite her, when he is ready for it.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Latte]

I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

The only thing you can do at this point is get help for yourself. Al-Anon is a wonderful tool for spouses and loved ones of addicts/alcoholics. I am a recovering addict but my father is an active alcoholic.

I know the only thing I can do is to help myself.

[Heartbrokenwife]

Thank you guys it gets harder and harder everyday. I seen him today he looked like the living dead, this is not my husband I told him at this point he doesnt have a wife anymore I'm his tool a pawn to get drug money. I have given in a few times and it kills me he says well then I will rob drug dealers(he has done) they have found him and pulled guns on him so everytime I hear him say that I dont want him dead, and give in I HATE MYSELF FOR IT I HATE WHAT THIS ADDICTION IN DOING TO HIM & OUR FAMILY!
I'm tired of it tired of the lies and the false hopes tired of hearing I love you and want help and doing nothing but run a do his thing. He goes to be sentenced on Thurs maybe the best thing would be jail time for him since being out isnt helping maybe going back in will help. I just want my son to have his father back his real father not the junkie he has become. My husband the loving, funny, happy man. Not the junkie

[Impurrfect]

I know you want the "old" him back, but unfortunately there is nothing you can do to force it.

It's sad when we realized jail may be the best place for our A.

I hope you can focus more on you and your son. I know it's hard, but it's the best thing for all 3 of you.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[marle]

I used to pray that my daughter would get picked up and would go to jail. She is also a heroin addict and for today is in recovery. There is hope that he will get clean and maybe jail will help him to be willing to do that. Take extra special good care of yourself and your son. That is something that you do have control over. Hugs, Marle

[NeedingHelp7]

Having an AH, I understand your every word. I hope the best for the 3 of you as you sound like you have made the best choice.
They force us to make decisions we don't want to, but unfortunately have to.

Prayers,
NH7

[BBD]

My heart breaks for you hon but maybe jail would be good for him right now....sounds likes he deep in his addiction..Step away!!!

[hope213]

welcome to s.r. there is nothing you can do. keep your self safe. we care, keep coming back.prayers,

[Heartbrokenwife]

Thanks again guys tommarrow is the court date and I will let you all know what happens. If he doesnt go to jail he claims he will go to the hospital and detox( we will see) it's probably the same crap I'm getting better and then it's put off and off days turns into weeks and he still doesnt do anything for his addiction

[cookconfay]

I am a recovering addict/alcoholic. I have over 11 yrs clean & sober and in the end my drug of choice was heroin. There is hope as long as he is still breathing. I went to jail and my mother told me she was relieved to find out a) I was alive b) I had somewhere to lay my head c) I would have something to eat. I will also tell you though that jail &/or prison does not guarantee someone getting & staying clean & sober. Your hubby will have to WANT IT. He will have to want it more than he wants to use, he will have to become willing to do whatever it takes or it will not last.......not trying to spread ill cheer just the facts and tell you that for YOU, you can take care of YOU.

I am so sorry for what the disease does to people. I hurt many many along my destructive path myself. But, I couldn't hear til I could hear, I couldn't see til I could see and NO ONE could make me get clean.

Hang in there and take care of yourself, just remember to pray for him and I'll keep ya'll in my prayers too. There is hope!! If I can do it....anyone can.

[Heartbrokenwife]

well 2 out of 3 of his charges are dropped he has to pay a $200 fine. He hased to do a DNA test, and that's that I was hoping for mandatory drug treatment but that was a no go. I just pray and hope the end is near and recovery begins