I just walked away

[sleepygoat]

My insane AD begged me for help. By the time she showed up today (with a guy pal who was a 'trick' and is now a 'friend'), all she wanted to do was get a ride from one of us back to Newark and "can you just give me $20 and i'll go to any rehab you want?" there was plenty of suicidal talk so I said i'd take her to a psych ER. She said, "Yes, but I want to go to the ER at UMDNJ "(A hospital in - yes you guess it - Newark!). I refused. she actually started grabbing loose change out of a change jar in my home. I told her to put it back or I would call the cops. She put it back. I offered to take her to a meeting, she said "Screw your NA meetings and your NA friends." She demanded a ride to Newark than gave a detailed rundown of what I would do for her next. I said, "You asked me for help. I'm offering it, on my terms, not yours." When she replied with an expletive, I threw her suitcase out the door and her after it (figuratively), got in the car and left to go to MY meeting. I neither screamed nor cried.

Later she called and said the rehab she had left last week refuses to take her back so she is calling other places. I said that was good, to let me know if she found a place and I'd let her know if I was available to take her.

My mom decided she would pay for treatment one more time.

I am so proud of myself. I was manipulation-proof. I think the reason is that I really finally believe that I am powerless and that its God's battle to win, not mine. If there is nothing I can do to make her get clean, then she can't manipulate me with promises to go into treatment if I only give her $,etc. I think she was really confused by me today.

My husband thinks all this talk of suicide and wanting to go into treament every other week only to walk out of treatment is about not wanting to live with her abusive BF anymore. I think its OK if it is, because its all part of the bottoming out and surrending process. She clearly is miserable with her life and that a good thing. What is even better is i am done with doing anything for her, including helping her go into treament, on HER terms. I will do only what I want to do for her, in my way and on my terms, and only if and when I feel like it!!

[Spiritual Seeker]

Sounds like you are strong and are able to practice detaching with love.
I am proud of you too.

[peaceteach]

(((Sleepygoat))),

Great job, mom. Keep moving forward with these thoughts and actions/non-actions. You sound like you are on a good path.

[CatsPajamas]

((( SG )))

I remember times when my head told me I was doing well with setting and maintaining boundaries etc. It still hurt my heart to know that my child was continuing to make bad choices.

I'm so glad you were able to stick to your boundaries AND get to your meeting. I tend to step up my attendance at meetings when things start twirling in my world.

Mom hugs
Cats

[marle]

I agree, that was really hard and you handled it with love and dignity. Just think of it as helping her to be willing to get better. This addiction stuff truly is life's biggest test of us moms. Hugs and prayers for your daughter to surrender and for peace for you. Marle

[GreenEyedGirl39]

Awesome stuff mom! Good for you. Stay strong and keep using your tools. I know how hard it is when facing the manipulation. They are masters of manipulation. But you are right, if she doesn't hit her "bottom" she will never get better and more importantly you will just enable, thus you will never get better.

Major kudos to you.

[greeteachday]

Just think of it as helping her to be willing to get better.

Thinking like that...and believing it, was what helped me to finally set boundaries, let go of expectations and fully surrender.

I'm sure this was hard, Sleepy but you handled it very well. Hugs

[baxter]

I am so proud of myself. I was manipulation-proof. I think the reason is that I really finally believe that I am powerless and that its God's battle to win, not mine.

I feel anytime I've had a round from my AD and at the end I feel proud of my reactions to it I've made such a huge step forward. I sometimes feel like I'm the one who is finally growing up and taking on my own responsibilites and it feels wonderful.

Great job.

[JMFburns]

Great job sleepy!

Hugs and SR support coming your way.

[Jody Hepler]

Oh, I remember these days so clearly - and how scared I was to stick to my boundaries. But everytime I did it, I felt better about me - and it was easier the next time.

In the long run, I was doing my ASs a favor, but not buying into their "stuff", not allowing them to guilt me or manipulate me or use self pity (their usual weapons) or threaten me - but basically making them responsible for their decisions and their actions.

Give yourself a hug - I'm proud of you!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

[Kimm992]

Be so proud of yourself!! *hugs*

[grateful2b]

Originally Posted by sleepygoat

I am so proud of myself. I was manipulation-proof. I think the reason is that I really finally believe that I am powerless and that its God's battle to win, not mine. If there is nothing I can do to make her get clean, then she can't manipulate me with promises to go into treatment if I only give her $,etc. I think she was really confused by me today.

I will do only what I want to do for her, in my way and on my terms, and only if and when I feel like it!!

Sleepy, way to hold!!
I can feel your strength and relief from here...strength and relief that comes, from *really* handing it over, complete surrender, as you have just done...our reward for stepping aside and letting HP do what must be done..and you should be proudfor a job well done!
hugs and prayers for you both, grateful

[Impurrfect]

Way to go, Sleepy!!!

I think you did a terrific job at sticking to your boundaries. I'm sure she IS confused, but that's a good thing...it shows you are making changes in the right direction.

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

[Chino]

sleepygoat, you honored yourself and you did it with dignity. Way to go!

[IPT]

I needed some inspiration today as I struggle... thank you

[hope213]

i know it was hard but you did the right thing. i hope she goers to rehab. i wish they all would. prayers,

[IPT]

Sorry, I should have been more specific. I applaud your strength and resolve. My prayer for you AD, may her HP guide her where she needs to be to get well.

[ctrom40]

Sleepygoat,

Good job!

I am proud of you.

... if it was easy, anybody could do it!

[katie44]

You did good! I know how difficult it is but think of it "you may be helping to save her life"