Codiene-"Widower"

[alja]

My husband is back on codiene (Fiorinal). He was hospitalized last July for WD's. Now we are going through the same experience. This time, I'm upset with the lies and excuses and the blaming me for all his trouble. It's hard for me to have sympathy for him this time. What makes it worse is when he runs out of this med he goes to his ex-wife to get more. Any one have any advice for me. How do I handle this. I can't put into words the anger, the hurt, the frustration, and all the rest of the feelings you can throw in. Any words of advice?
Thank you.

[itisatruth]

Originally Posted by alja

My husband is back on codiene (Fiorinal). He was hospitalized last July for WD's. Now we are going through the same experience. This time, I'm upset with the lies and excuses and the blaming me for all his trouble. It's hard for me to have sympathy for him this time. What makes it worse is when he runs out of this med he goes to his ex-wife to get more. Any one have any advice for me. How do I handle this. I can't put into words the anger, the hurt, the frustration, and all the rest of the feelings you can throw in. Any words of advice?
Thank you.

Hi alja, I could offer lots of words of advice, but my problem is following it myself. My AH has been on and off (currently on) a variety of pills for a while now. A few weeks ago, I told him I want a separation and will be moving out. I'm taking small steps to get there.

I guess the best thing I can say is it's probably time for you to be thinking about you, taking care of you, and thinking about what it is you want. For me this included posting, sharing, and reading a lot here on SR, going to al-anon meetings, reaching out for support, and remembering that you cant' Control his use, Cause him to use, or Cure his problem (the 3 c's).

Wish you the best in all this, dealing with addiction is not easy.

[windingroad]

you sound so hurt and discouraged and i'm sorry this is tearing you up so much. addiction creates devastation.
while others are coming along here to give you solid feedback i'll just add this, which is often repeated by members here and also by addiction specialists, and that is that addicts do not listen to words, only to actions. this isn't just "opinion" or experience, it's actually backed up by scientific fact about the changes in the brain and the psychological defenses the disease creates.

there is a wall. reasoning with the addict won't break through it. the actions of those in the addict's life can, though. but they have to be consistent and repeated over the long term. otherwise, the addict stays in control, which hurts everybody.

just keep reaching out and learning just as you are here. you will need so much support. wishing you a healthy outcome and peace of mind, no matter what. isolation is deadly, so stay connected, always, to support. there is help for you, so do not despair and do not give up.

[BayAreaPhoenix]

My (soon to be ex) AH is also addicted codeine. He would like everyone to think he isn't anymore, but he is. Even if he wasn't, he hasn't done anything to help himself "rewire" (or recover). His behaviors - active or not - are active addictive behaviors and will continue being so until he reaches out and starts his own recovery. As WR said above - ACTIONS - yours and your AH. Say what you mean (without saying it mean), and focus on what he does and don't let his words deflect you from what you know. My AH was and is, master of deflection. He talks a good talk, but I finally learned to watch his walk (so to speak), and when I did that, I was a lot less confused and a lot more sure of what I needed to do for me.

This is a great place. Hope you're reading around, researching meetings in your area, and reaching out! You are not alone!

[ZombieWife]

The only thing I really have to say is that when you hit YOUR bottom, you'll have enough and detach from the situation. There's only so much a person can take. This isn't a contest in endurance, to "see who can hang out with the addict the longest, who can endure the most pain." It's an awakening of self and the realization that you deserve to be happy.

The ex-thing alone would be enough for me to be gone.