She came back

[marle]

And when I told her we contacted her ex because we were worried, she went ballistic. Told me she wanted to kill me and then threw a book at me and broke a picture. I calmly called the police because I want her to know that I will not deal with that crap. Surprising how quickly she calmed down when she heard me talking to 911. She finally calmed down and went to work. She never had called work to quit, just pretended. She never called a boy she knew to come pick her up. That was all show on her part. But she did contact her ex because she needs to talk to him to get over what happened in the past. So for now she is clean, for now she is still living here. But she needs to find a way to deal with the anger that I know she has with herself and is taking out on us. Next time she is gone. I will not have a house filled with a recovering addict's chaos. Poor Petey(her Chihuahua had to hide under our back deck and was shaking like a leaf.) His life has been really stable since we took him from her and I will not put him or my other dogs through that again. I think it may be the Chantix that she is taking to stop smoking because her behavior and how she was feeling started to change when she started that. So I told her to stop the Chantix and start smoking again. She can try later when she has more recovery under her belt. Anyway things had been good until now and hopefully she can figure out why she became so angry and learn to deal with it. Thanks for the prayers and the support. Hugs, Marle

[grateful2b]

oh, phew! she's still in the game...wonderful...

[suki44883]

Thank God! I just posted on your other thread. I'm glad she is back and didn't go out "there" again. Also, I have heard many stories (and know one person in particular) that had huge anger issues while using Chantix. FWIW...my pdoc in rehab told me not to even attempt to quit smoking until I had at least 6 months sober time under my belt.

[laurie6781]

Yep, good advice, tell her the Chantix can affect people really bad, I know it did me, calm kind hearted long time in recovery me started to turn into a raving lunatic on it so ................ still smoking and no more outbursts and NO MORE CHANTIX.

That could very well be the culprit!

J M H O

I am also glad you had no hesitation in dialing 911, wow what growth!!!! Thank you for sharing that.

Love and hugs,

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by marle

I think it may be the Chantix that she is taking to stop smoking because her behavior and how she was feeling started to change when she started that. So I told her to stop the Chantix and start smoking again.

Anger and Chantix are a pretty common thing, if you google it, you'll find a lot of people who have quit taking it because of the anger it brought out in them.

Glad shes home.

[CatsPajamas]

Gosh I took a 2 hour nap and missed all sorts of stuff!

Glad she's back, glad she's not gone OUT there again, glad you were able to be firm in your actions and boundaries.

WHEW!

Cats

PS I've only had one friend who was successful with chantix. Others? They were a complete and total mess on that stuff.

[marle]

Since she left for work texting like mad with the ex-abf I am thinking she is trying to get her enabler back in her life. She won't leave here until she is sure she can go wherever he is. I don't hold much hope for her staying in recovery. But I would rather that she go now than to keep playing with the idea of using again. That way I will not have to make the decision for her to leave, it will be hers. This time I am firmly trying not to ignore those red flags that are about at halfmast right now Praying is about all I can do right now. Hugs and thanks, Marle

[helpus]

I'm glad she isn't using again thus far. Phew. I gotta give her alot of credit for trying to quit smoking along with the drugs. What an awesome goal. But it does sound like the Chantix might be a big part of her outbursts. Ya never know Marle, she might be stronger than you think. Sure she could be getting her eggs in a row w her ex. But the "addict behavior" continues long after they've stopped using. Gosh, my daughter has almost 16 months clean & every once in awhile the behavior sneaks up. She calls back within a couple hours at the longest & says she's sorry. That she would like to be better than her actions were & she owns her behavior. Which is awesome. Praying for a today & many clean tomorrows for your daughter.

[Ladybugg]

((marle))...just sending you another hug. Hang in there.

[IPT]

sounds like a difficult time. I am encouraged by your words regarding boundaries and not being willing to live in a bad situation again. I myself am trying to remove myself from a less than perfect relationship with an addict. It isn't easy. Best wishes that she remains on task regarding her recovery.

[outtolunch]

Oh Marle. Our daughters, same age and same DOC seem to be in the same spot, again.

My daughter probably first relapsed in early July and has been going downhill, ever since. Last week, I found tiny zip lock bags with a powder residue and turned them over to her psychiatrist who oversees her prescribed meds. AD denied and refused a drug test and walked out and sat at the curb. ( The bags were positive for heroin).

I asked her to leave the house- my house-my rules-her choices-her consequences. We both know she has absolutely nowhere to go other than into the gutter. She says she is willing to do anything to not be forced out and so, she detoxed at home, cold turkey. She begged me to call in to work for her and I refused to do for her what she can do for herself. And so she did.

She belongs back in rehab. I would welcome a 90 day break from her and the chaos. She is willing to go. I am not however, convinced it's because she has a burning desire to be clean. Rather, it's become a part of the cycle and it's a time out. I could almost imagine her living 90 days in and 90 days out of rehab, forever. Know what I mean?

I do not think the 12 Step approach is working for her, but then again, she's never really worked it. So who knows? She has no insurance so it's all out of pocket, for me. I cannot continue to financially invest in her wellness when she has no skin in the game.

So, if she manages to stay clean for 30 days, I'll reconsider paying for some sort of treatment. I will drug test her daily and if she's positive, she has to leave. And if it's necessary to call the Police for asistance, I will do this.

So I am going to try reverse engineering the addiction rehab cycle. If she wants help, she earns it by staying clean.

Sorry for hijacking your thread. I am just stunned by some of the similarities, including the blasted dog, not reacting well to the chaos.

For now, I am OK and hope you are too.

[outtolunch]

When my daughter left her last rehab, I was warned that it was likely she would eventually set up conflicts to rationalize storming out the door and relapsing. And that she did. Does this sound familiar?

[Done-With-It]

Originally Posted by outtolunch

I do not think the 12 Step approach is working for her, but then again, she's never really worked it. So who knows? She has no insurance so it's all out of pocket, for me. I cannot continue to financially invest in her wellness when she has no skin in the game.

)

does she know about Smart Recovery? For some, including me,
that was a big help. I'm more of a cognitive type of girl.
Just a thought.

[ZombieWife]

My mom would become enraged on Chantix. Glad they push these drugs through so fast to make a quick buck, huh? Nice side-effect. Someone needs to kick these pharm-companies in the kneecap a few times, eh?

[ZombieWife]

Originally Posted by outtolunch

When my daughter left her last rehab, I was warned that it was likely she would eventually set up conflicts to rationalize storming out the door and relapsing. And that she did. Does this sound familiar?

That sounds familiar to me as well with my RAH. Geesh, they hold us all hostage in so many ways. Why do we have to be the ones walking this fine line, always, walking on eggs? Eating it up? Swallowing it? Pushing it down? Being the bigger person? When all they do is take and take and take then whine and cry and pee themselves when they need our help, want us back or want to get clean?

[laurie6781]

My mom would become enraged on Chantix. Glad they push these drugs through so fast to make a quick buck, huh? Nice side-effect. Someone needs to kick these pharm-companies in the kneecap a few times, eh?

Yep, that was me. My room mate and dear dear friend who is also in recovery many many years, could not figure out at first what the h**l was going on, then the light bulb went on. I stopped it cold turkey, I know some of the literature says not to, but I did and the strange dreams left and within about 3 days I was once again calm.

I am not sure her behavior is related to wanting to use again. It really sounds like the affects from Chantix.

And yes, I do not think enough testing and 'outside testing' (not affliated with the pharmaceutical company) was done on this drug. It sucks!!!!!

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[Jody Hepler]

Congrats on the 911 thing - and letting her know you weren't living with her stuff. Amazing how fast my sons shaped up when I very calmly did something like that. I just kept telling myself what my Alanon sponsor drilled into my head - it only takes one person to change the drama. I didn't have to participate.

My sons used AA/NA to get sober - at least a meeting a day, constant contact with a sponsor, surrounded by AA friends and activities. They still had behavior lapses - but little by little, it changed. And they were always apologetic afterwards.

Hang in - it is quite a ride!!

Love in recovery,
Jody Hepler

[sleepygoat]

OK so I see there is chantix involved. That really could explain everything. Don't know if you remember my post about my experience with chantix. I was suicidal and was sent to a psych ER - irrational, in total despair and wanting to use. 3 days off the stuff and I was right as rain. I don't doubt this has everything to do with her seeking out her X as well. I hope she take your good advice about stopping the chantix.

[Done-With-It]

Class Action Lawsuit Heaven.....

Craziness...

[marle]

She stopped the Chantix. Will try to quit smoking when she has more recovery. Her emotions are all over the place due to starting to feel her feelings again so she does not need any more prescribed medications in her body. Hugs, Marle

[hello-kitty]

I have to say I am so shocked by your chantix stories. I had such a positive experience on it.

I hope that chantix WAS the problem Marle, and that everything will be better from here on out.

[GwenMarie30]

Hi Marle. I just wanted to add my thoughts and prayers for you and you family too. I think of you often.

[CatsPajamas]

(((Gwen))) good to see you !

Marle, I get a feeling that this was just a blip on the radar... perhaps exacerbated by the Chantix. Hopefully her dr can help her get balanced again. I know many MANY As who still smoke and said they were going to wait to quit until they had some recovery under their belts.

[MrsMagoo]

Marle - I have so much respect for your boundaries! What an inspiration you are.

I took Chantix and thought it was a miracle drug and had very very little desire to smoke. I never quit all the w